regrets on having kids too close together?

[Anonymous]

We have a young three year old and a 12 month old and are considering trying to get pregnant again. We are certain we want three children, so the only issue is timing. One school of thought is to wait a few years until both children are a little older. I understand that. The other school of thought, of course, is to stay in baby mode and enjoy having young children, but be ready to move on from baby stage as the youngest progresses. The obvious worry is that life would be a little overwhelming with three young kids so close together. Anyone regret having a third too close to the other two? Anecdotal advice welcome!

[Anonymous]

I only have 2 but they are 11 months apart, so it sounds like your situation would be manageable to me I find mine to be pretty tough, but I am of the school of thought that wants to "get it over with" and move on to the school age years together. The three year old will be 4, and therefore pretty self-sufficient in many ways, so it might not be too bad.

[Anonymous]

I have three, the third of which is quite a bit younger than the first two. A challenge I have involves family outings and vacations. It is so much fun to do the kinds of things that elementary school kids like versus going to the beach because it's easy with a baby and hanging around the house on weekends so the baby can nap. If I wait until the baby is old enough and/or easier to take on outings and vacations, my older kids will miss out on things I'd like them to experience. On the other hand, if I plan our lives around the older kids, the baby has to make due with naps on the run, eating in the car and bedtimes that fluctuate. Good thing our baby is flexible.

[Anonymous]

What is your work situation, i.e., are you at home and planning to return to work post-children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only have 2 but they are 11 months apart, so it sounds like your situation would be manageable to me I find mine to be pretty tough, but I am of the school of thought that wants to "get it over with" and move on to the school age years together. The three year old will be 4, and therefore pretty self-sufficient in many ways, so it might not be too bad.

I'm always curious about the comment of "get it over with". It sounds so dreadful. I know there are some parents who do not much enjoy the baby/toddler stage. Is this what parents feel when they just want to get it over with? I guess it all boils down to perspective. My 3 kids are 3-3.5 years apart (I had the luxury of time and planned it this way) and did so because I wanted to savor those young years. It was nice to have each kid in school when the new baby came along because I really got to spend quailty time with the new baby and have time alone to spoil the littlest one. I love my older child and enjoy her maturity and independance, but she just does not want to cuddle the same as my youngest does. I don't think I'll ever not want a baby/toddler around. They certainly are hard work and demanding, but the physical closeness is just so magical and short lived. I'm terribly sad thinking of my youngest growing up, but I can't just keep churning out babies! Time has gone by so fast, too fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only have 2 but they are 11 months apart, so it sounds like your situation would be manageable to me I find mine to be pretty tough, but I am of the school of thought that wants to "get it over with" and move on to the school age years together. The three year old will be 4, and therefore pretty self-sufficient in many ways, so it might not be too bad.

I'm always curious about the comment of "get it over with". It sounds so dreadful. I know there are some parents who do not much enjoy the baby/toddler stage. Is this what parents feel when they just want to get it over with? I guess it all boils down to perspective. My 3 kids are 3-3.5 years apart (I had the luxury of time and planned it this way) and did so because I wanted to savor those young years. It was nice to have each kid in school when the new baby came along because I really got to spend quailty time with the new baby and have time alone to spoil the littlest one. I love my older child and enjoy her maturity and independance, but she just does not want to cuddle the same as my youngest does. I don't think I'll ever not want a baby/toddler around. They certainly are hard work and demanding, but the physical closeness is just so magical and short lived. I'm terribly sad thinking of my youngest growing up, but I can't just keep churning out babies! Time has gone by so fast, too fast.

Sweet post! This helps me appreciate the upside of having 3 or so years between children. We thought we'd aim for around 2.5, but of course it may take a whole lot longer than we expect. Also a nice reminder to savor the baby time with DC2 when he/she arrives!

[Anonymous]

I'm of the getting it over with camp. I love my kids, but much much prefer the toddler/young kid stage to a baby. My older one is 2.5 and what I find magical is our ability to hold an conversation, for him to make a joke and laugh, to see him be so aware when we experience new things. I found the first year sooo hard ...and actually kind of boring. i also have 11 month old twins and they are just getting to the point where they too are so much fun to be around. Since I had twins the spacing between #2 and 3 was not an option, but I think having kids close together is a great thing!

[Anonymous]

Our 3 are all 18 months apart and while it's pretty busy, I think being so close to gether makes them closer emotionally. As someone else said, it's also nice to be able to do things the older kids want rather than doing what's easier to do with a baby. I don't think I missed savoring baby moments or anything. I think regardless what the spacing is, you have to find time to savor each child.

On the other hand, there are positives with having them spaced further apart. I think you can appreciate whatever you get and no particular way is right. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I only have two close together not three. But for the people I know with three close together the key is the support network. In one case the person stays at home and has someone that helps out a few days a week. The other person had a nanny as well as family in the area. Even with my two - my DH brought our toddler to school and I dropped off the baby because we had two different locations and it made my morning so much easier just getting a baby ready and remember all the bottles, diapers, wipes etc. rather than get both of them ready.

[Anonymous]

Mine are just over a year apart, and I wouldn't do it any other way. I don't think I could handle kids in different stages. I was great that I didn't have to worry about my older child leaving out toys that the younger one could choke on, or worry about the younger one destroying the older one's stuff.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 13 months apart and I would never change it for anything. Was it hard? Yes, but now it is sooooooo much fun seeing them be best of friends and it will be easier on us that they will be able to do every thing together in the future (ie sports teams, school, friends, etc).
I love it - they nap at the same time, eat at the same time and play so well together (knock on wood).
GO FOR IT!

[Anonymous]

We have a 4, an almost 3, and a newborn. The first two are 18 months apart and we found that close spacing much more difficult than our third. With the two older ones in preschool, my wife has time to focus on the baby for the morning and the older kids are much more self sufficient. Plus, I think they are really enjoying the baby, whereas the first time around our oldest wasn't big enough to appreciate her new sibling. Everyone is different, but we are glad we spaced out the third child.

[Anonymous]

We have two who are 2.75 years apart and are thinking of adding a third pretty quickly. I know that it will be tough logistically and there will be a lot of chaos, which is fine. My fear, though, is that having a third quickly will somehow shortchange #2. Will I be able to take the time to appreciate DD's milestone -- or even just her daily antics -- if she becomes a middle child at 18 months?

[Anonymous]

OP here - my sense is that no child's milestones will be documented as much as your first child's. But that doesn't mean that you don't notice the milestones or appreciate them just as much in your other children. It just means that you got busy with the living of your life - which is great, too! I also think, though, that replacing this documentation, hopefully, is the enrichment of childhood with other experiences and siblings. Would they rather have meticulously updated babybooks or a house full of shrieks and laughter (unfortunately, I'm not organized enough to do both!) My fear with adding a third is that I will be too busy/exhausted to appreciate the silliness that is so wonderful with kids. I don't want to miss appreciating milestones because I'm folding laundry or bleary-eyed with exhaustion - but this might happen no matter when I have a third child, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

I have three: 2,3 and 4

Upsides:
- they play together all the time and are like a small tribe in terms of helping each other;
- we're seamlessly transitioning through all our baby stuff;
- Little Baby follows the bigger babies and loves it. She potty trained herself at 18 months because she too wanted to use the potty;
- Biggist Baby is not so big that she can't appreciate the particular needs of the smaller ones;
- they will all be at school at around the same time and I hope they will support each other through the various stages;
- we get a discount on daycare;
- I can see the day when there are no more diapers in the house;
- it's chaos but it's a fun gorgeous chaos;

BIG lesson for me - the difference between one (sh*t life has changed) and two (what was I thinking??) is HUGE. Chuck in another and it's really not that big a deal.

Downsides:
- I worry that Biggist Baby has too much responsibility because she takes on the task of looking after the 'smalls' with alacrity;
- It's a logistical issue taking three babies out when they can all walk (I can only run after one) so I would not recommend it for people who don't believe in discipline or routines - both of which make life soooo much easier;
- When my 3 girls hit puberty I will probably be going through menopause and my husband may not survive that;
- I am concerned that my babies don't have as much 'exclusive' parent time as might be ideal. But they do seem to like hanging out as a team;
- AND, just to get very superficial, my mommy tummy is such that people are still asking me when I am due.

Such a personal decision. If you can deal with handling multiple things, being pretty defined about routines, making an effort to make each of your babies feel special and to have some 'you' time, and the logistics of carting three small people around then close is good. If you want a bit more space, more exclusive parenting for each child and a little less activity then keep swallowing those hormones.