At what point can you cut an inlaw out of your life?

[Anonymous]

Husband's parent is really terrible. Husband agrees. However, he feels a certain amount of loyalty (not sure if that is the right word) just because this person is his parent. I am pretty much done. Is it acceptable to tell husband that he can have whatever relationship he wants with parent but I and the kids won't be participating. Or do I need to suck it up and be supportive and engage with inlaw?

[Anonymous]

Depends on the offense, but that seems a perfectly logical approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the offense, but that seems a perfectly logical approach.

So many offenses! We are in agreement that his parent has crossed the line and is nuts. But he thinks that we can have a limited relationship and just pretend to like each other. For instance, going to lunch occasionally.

[Anonymous]

This is his parent. You can choose to cut her/him out but you can't demand the same from your husband. trust me, no matter how "right" you are you will end up being the bad guy.

Just be supportive of whatever he decides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is his parent. You can choose to cut her/him out but you can't demand the same from your husband. trust me, no matter how "right" you are you will end up being the bad guy.

Just be supportive of whatever he decides.

OP here. Agree about what husband does. That is up to him. I am just asking about me and the kids.

[Anonymous]

What does DH think about the kids' relationship with his mother?

[Anonymous]

It worked for us when my DH made that choice. I was willing to engage with his family at whatever level he desired. It would help to know what line the IL's have crossed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does DH think about the kids' relationship with his mother?

Interestingly, it is not his mother. His mother is wonderful. He thinks that we should all see parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is his parent. You can choose to cut her/him out but you can't demand the same from your husband. trust me, no matter how "right" you are you will end up being the bad guy.

Just be supportive of whatever he decides.

OP here. Agree about what husband does. That is up to him. I am just asking about me and the kids.

I have not seen my MIL in 8 years. My husband takes the kids but I don't need the drama. No love lost and it is all good. I could only do this why my husband backing me 100%. I never deny him taking the kids and they stay in a hotel so as to minimize any conflict the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It worked for us when my DH made that choice. I was willing to engage with his family at whatever level he desired. It would help to know what line the IL's have crossed.

Says terrible things to us. Tells other people terrible things about us. Lies about a lot of things. Tries to turn other family members against us. Is cruel to husband about a lot of things. Has taken things from our house and destroyed them. Rarely follows through on promises to the kids. Tries to use money/bribes to get the kids to do what parent wants. It has been 15 years of this behavior. I have soooo many specific examples. Suffice it to say, other people who know about what parent has done are appalled by the behavior.

[Anonymous]

We both tried for years with my parent, but knew it was sooo dysfunctional. For a few years we drove separately so we could each leave when we had enough. My husband quit going eventually and a couple of years later I'd had enough and just stopped going too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does DH think about the kids' relationship with his mother?

Interestingly, it is not his mother. His mother is wonderful. He thinks that we should all see parent.

Sorry, reading too fast. So there's disagreement about whether the kids should see his parent? That's trickier than simply being fine with you doing your thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does DH think about the kids' relationship with his mother?

Interestingly, it is not his mother. His mother is wonderful. He thinks that we should all see parent.

Sorry, reading too fast. So there's disagreement about whether the kids should see his parent? That's trickier than simply being fine with you doing your thing.

He thinks that we are all a family and need to see this person, at least a little bit. He wouldn't be ok with just taking the kids.

[Anonymous]

You can cut an inlaw out when your spouse (the person's direct relative) does.

[Anonymous]

Remove "cut out of your life" from your vocabulary and you will be a better, happier person.

How about you see them much less?