narrowing our social circle
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Anonymous
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I have a circle of couples that get together weekly for a movie, swimming, etc. I often organize the get togethers.
One of the wives has been really nasty towards me in the past year, making nasty comments about my religion, children, cars, etc., behind my back and to my face in front of the group. Most want to cut them out of smaller gatherings but one couple keeps including them, even when they aren't in the original invite. Suggestions? |
Anonymous
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You can't control what people do in their homes, but when you throw gatherings at your own home -- invite who you want and exclude who you want. Do you mean the other couple tells the excluded couple -- pizza at Janies house tonight, you should come and that couple shows up at your house?
In that case, I'd explicitly (but privately) say to that couple -- I respect your choice of friends and I'm happy to run into excluded couple at gatherings at your home, but I'd ask you to refrain from inviting them into my home as we haven't been seeing eye to eye on some issues and whenever I've thrown a quick BBQ with just a few couples in the last few months, I've found that you invited excluded couple along and while I don't want embarrass anyone, I'd like for those invites to stop. |
Anonymous
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We often gather at neutral locations, like a club pool or a restaurant, so it's not as if another couple is inviting them to my home. However, it's awkward when you've planned for eight and 10 people show up.
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Anonymous
| I think the answer is still the same. I assume you invite via text or email or something that goes to everyone except Excluded Couple. Next time Excluded Couple gets an invite forwarded from the other couple and shows up -- you (privately - not during the event) have the same conversation and say -- look I'm the one who organizes these events to hang out with my friends and you may have noticed that I haven't been including Excluded Couple on the invites; that is intentional as we haven't been seeing eye to eye on things. I'd appreciate if you stop forwarding invites along to my events, though you're obviously free to invite them or whoever you want the next time you organize something. |
Anonymous
Sure, go for it. But don't be surprised when you end up being cut from the group. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like it's time for the group to disband and just do two couples at a time. Or you stop organizing and see if someone steps up and you avoid invitations where 'excluded couple' has also been invited. |
Anonymous
| I'd probably give it a try without the annoying couple and without the couple who keep inviting them. See how much fun it is with the smaller group, then you can decide if you want to add them back in or move forward without them. |
Anonymous
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How do the others respond when she makes these remarks? |
Anonymous
It's probably really awkward if she's part of a couple. OP, just don't invite them for events you host. You just have to suck it up in person. |
Anonymous
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I am in a similar position. We have a cire of friends and one couple srarted bashing me and orfwnized a party and didnt invite me.
Shes horrible. But there isnone couple who supports her. Ive realized that this woman has changed the groups dynamic permanently. So foe the time being i am chosing to only spend time one on one with the women i feel safest with within this group. I realize who is sincere and where there are dual loyalties and where no loyalties exist. It's a shame she did this but for my own sanity and self.respect. i won't socialize with ppl who dont stop someone or support someone acting that way. Bottom line: check your friends. May be time to move on and let her win |