How to protect DD from inappropriate suggestions, photos, etc.

[Anonymous]

DD is seven and just told me that the older brother of one girl she was playing with while us parents were downstairs asked her to also take off her shirt, like him (she didn't). What's a good way to discuss where and how to set limits with people, whether children or adults?

It also occurs to me that, with cell phones and cameras so prevalent nowadays, someone may end up taking compromising pix of her that may somehow end up online. What can we as parents do to prevent this? How do you explain WHY nakedness (especially when girls still look like boys above the waist) is now a worry, without freaking them out, when there are completely naked toddlers having pullups changed at the playground in public view, etc.?

btw, we were planning to start doing sleepovers with friends soon, and she has some friends who are a few years older.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow. I hope she isn't sleeping over at his house. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Have a frank conversation. A 7 yr old can understand the difference between inappropriate behavior/requests and a baby getting his diaper changed.

[Anonymous]

get the book " Its not the stork" Others recommended it on here. There are a couple of pages about privacy and good touch/bad touch.

[Anonymous]

OP - Did you speak to the parents of this "older brother"?

That is your main priority, unless of course you made this whole thing up on a boring, raining Sunday afternoon...?

[Anonymous]

My girls, 12 and 10 don't do sleepovers unless we are very close to the other family. Also, no sleepovers at houses with brothers. I know I'm overprotective and that not all boys are sex crazed lunatics and that most parents are paying attention. Still, it a risk I'm not willing to take based on my the experimentation that happened with brothers when I slept over at friends houses.
You can teach girls that no one ever has a reason to tell them to remove their clothes. They always need to say no and come to an adult for help in the situation. The only exception is the doctor or nurse and you will be there with them. We also have a family rule of not taking pictures of our kids with no clothes on even when they were babies. It's pretty well engrained in them now.

[Anonymous]

We also don't do sleepovers at houses with adolescent males that night, but this is culturally the norm in our social circle.

FWIW, I was molested by two girls as a child under 8. One was a couple grades older. The other was my age.

[Anonymous]

Sleepovers are a big risk - even if there are no boys in the house. I personally do not trust the male adult in the house (unless it's my daughter's father). You never know the hidden secrets of your friends, even though their kids play well with ours. I'd really not drum into the kids' heads that sleepovers are the ultimate fun - there are many other ways for friendships to bond. Sleepovers are something I can do without. I think being protective is better than being lax. You can't trust the wisdom of children - their curiosity and peer pressure can be overwhelming and it's up to the parents to keep an eye out for them. Never let them out of your sight in other people's homes (i.e. make sure you keep a safe distance).

[Anonymous]

OP here. I didn't talk to the parents of the boy who made that suggestion. I don't think we'll be seeing them again with the kids out of our sight, so it didn't seem like a big priority to do so. But maybe I should, awkward as it is (I don't know the parents well).

The suggestions to never let kids out of sight, at this age, seems impractical and over the top. When would that end? And it doesn't matter whose house they're at; this could happen at our house too, if they're out of sight. But I just can't see the parents camping out in the same room the whole time during a playdate! No other parent has suggested this either.

As another poster (or two) pointed out, there is just as much of a risk with other girls, probably, as with boys. I don't know how confident DD would be to stand up to an older girl, but maybe that is the key, to instill the confidence to do so. I just don't know how to explain WHY it's inappropriate, and without making her ashamed if she's done any body exploring already. I'll check out the recommended book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't talk to the parents of the boy who made that suggestion. I don't think we'll be seeing them again with the kids out of our sight, so it didn't seem like a big priority to do so. But maybe I should, awkward as it is (I don't know the parents well).

The suggestions to never let kids out of sight, at this age, seems impractical and over the top. When would that end? And it doesn't matter whose house they're at; this could happen at our house too, if they're out of sight. But I just can't see the parents camping out in the same room the whole time during a playdate! No other parent has suggested this either.

As another poster (or two) pointed out, there is just as much of a risk with other girls, probably, as with boys. I don't know how confident DD would be to stand up to an older girl, but maybe that is the key, to instill the confidence to do so. I just don't know how to explain WHY it's inappropriate, and without making her ashamed if she's done any body exploring already. I'll check out the recommended book.

You MUST talk to the boy's parents. Awkward? SUCK IT UP. Don't you think your daughter felt awkward when the boy asked her to take off her shirt? You are her mother. It is job to advocate and protect her. Talk to the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We also don't do sleepovers at houses with adolescent males that night, but this is culturally the norm in our social circle.

FWIW, I was molested by two girls as a child under 8. One was a couple grades older. The other was my age.

Was that molestation or exploration? Where they doing it for their own sexual gratification? How is molestation defined when the parties are that young?

[Anonymous]

You should talk to the parents. Otherwise, he may prey on other girls. You could save both another girl and this boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We also don't do sleepovers at houses with adolescent males that night, but this is culturally the norm in our social circle.

FWIW, I was molested by two girls as a child under 8. One was a couple grades older. The other was my age.

Was that molestation or exploration? Where they doing it for their own sexual gratification? How is molestation defined when the parties are that young?

I was not a voluntary participant. I told my parents. The police investigated the older girl's involvement and she had done this to other girls as well. I'm not sure about the younger girl, but her mother (my grandmother's neighbor) sent her to live out of state afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We also don't do sleepovers at houses with adolescent males that night, but this is culturally the norm in our social circle.

FWIW, I was molested by two girls as a child under 8. One was a couple grades older. The other was my age.

Was that molestation or exploration? Where they doing it for their own sexual gratification? How is molestation defined when the parties are that young?

Mutual, age-appropriate exploration between two young children is considered just that. Per OP, it was NOT mutual, AND there was an older child involved (that had probably been molested).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't talk to the parents of the boy who made that suggestion. I don't think we'll be seeing them again with the kids out of our sight, so it didn't seem like a big priority to do so. But maybe I should, awkward as it is (I don't know the parents well).

The suggestions to never let kids out of sight, at this age, seems impractical and over the top. When would that end? And it doesn't matter whose house they're at; this could happen at our house too, if they're out of sight. But I just can't see the parents camping out in the same room the whole time during a playdate! No other parent has suggested this either.

As another poster (or two) pointed out, there is just as much of a risk with other girls, probably, as with boys. I don't know how confident DD would be to stand up to an older girl, but maybe that is the key, to instill the confidence to do so. I just don't know how to explain WHY it's inappropriate, and without making her ashamed if she's done any body exploring already. I'll check out the recommended book.

You MUST talk to the boy's parents. Awkward? SUCK IT UP. Don't you think your daughter felt awkward when the boy asked her to take off her shirt? You are her mother. It is job to advocate and protect her. Talk to the parents.

Chances are the boy's parents won't care. Why? They don't have to worry about anything happening to their son. There are different consequences for girls.