Was breaking up from your first relationship post divorce painful?

[Anonymous]

I am about to go through a break up of my first post divorce relationship post divorce/separation. We "dated" for 1.5yrs and I know it is going to be more painful than my divorce. I am wondering if this is normal.

[Anonymous]

I married the first relationship after my divorce.

[Anonymous]

Not for me. I knew when we started that it wasn't a forever relationship for me. He took it badly.

I actually broke up with him because he wanted something deeper and more permanent. I was happy with a step beyond FWB. He wanted wife #2. We were also at different stages of healing. I had been divorced a year. The ink was barely dry on his.

[Anonymous]

No, but it didn't last as long as yours. I feel like since divorcing, I'm much more "no bullshit" when it comes to relationships and it was easier for me to recognize that it wasn't a forever thing and end it.

[Anonymous]

Mine was hard but no where near as difficult as my divorce - and we also weren't together as long as you have been. I thought about him a lot for the first few months but it helped to find someone else I had feelings for. Give yourself some time to mourn the relationship but then get back out there when you start to feel ready.

And yes, I think this is pretty normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I knew when we started that it wasn't a forever relationship for me. He took it badly.

I actually broke up with him because he wanted something deeper and more permanent. I was happy with a step beyond FWB. He wanted wife #2. We were also at different stages of healing. I had been divorced a year. The ink was barely dry on his.

The reality is, in any relationship the person who appears to care the least has the most power.

Why are men so freaking quick to want to remarry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I knew when we started that it wasn't a forever relationship for me. He took it badly.

I actually broke up with him because he wanted something deeper and more permanent. I was happy with a step beyond FWB. He wanted wife #2. We were also at different stages of healing. I had been divorced a year. The ink was barely dry on his.

The reality is, in any relationship the person who appears to care the least has the most power.

Why are men so freaking quick to want to remarry?

I agree. Maybe they miss someone to take care of them? (cook,clean, ect) and women are more likely to be happy they don't have the burden of doing it anymore!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I knew when we started that it wasn't a forever relationship for me. He took it badly.

I actually broke up with him because he wanted something deeper and more permanent. I was happy with a step beyond FWB. He wanted wife #2. We were also at different stages of healing. I had been divorced a year. The ink was barely dry on his.

The reality is, in any relationship the person who appears to care the least has the most power.

Why are men so freaking quick to want to remarry?

Not all men want to remarry right away. Divorced man here - I have been divorce for 6 years and haven't been really dating in the past 4 as I needed to focus on my kids and work to support them. My XW remarried within 2 years and guess what, all the older kids have moved in with me.

[Anonymous]

It was very painful for me. With my divorce, I convinced myself it was all him but that break-up made me feel like there was something wrong with me too.

[Anonymous]

Was painful for me but we (post-divorce SO) reconciled and are happier now. Have only dated the one man post-divorce

[Anonymous]

OP here. It's going to be painful because unlike my 15yr long marriage, the intensity hasn't fizzled out yet. My exDH will forever be part of my life because we have kids together. This guy won't and it hurts even if it is for the best.

[Anonymous]

Yes, Op, it was painful, but for a different reason than you might think. I thought I had successful moved on and put the ex behind me and when my new relationship fizzled out I realized I hadn't made any real progress. I was devastated because I was hiding my true fears behind this new relationship and didn't realize it. I had to start from ground zero, only this time I got into a support group and got whole again. I wish I had done this before my second relationship, he was a good guy and it probably would have turned into something lasting if I had been more true to my "inner" self from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Yes, excruciating. Much harder than the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Surprised how people say harder than the divorce. That's insightful and maybe shows you weren't the committed type and were hurt by the fantasy of a new relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Surprised how people say harder than the divorce. That's insightful and maybe shows you weren't the committed type and were hurt by the fantasy of a new relationship.

Or maybe it just says that people defer or hide problems under the guise of a new relationship. We divorce thinking it's the other person or we jump into a new relationship thinking it's magical and, if that relationship crashes, we are left grappling with the pain and pieces of two relationships.