Vacation with parents going badly
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I'm in a mountain condo with my parents and three kids. DH is not with us. My parents pressure me constantly to move back to my hometown, saying how much they will babysit and be in the kids' lives, and how so many of their friends have their children in town but they don't and it's so difficult. But now we are here together for four days and they seem to not even like my kids. There is no offer for me to go shop or take some time to myself, and they are harshly disciplining my children, who are getting tired and cranky out of their routines (and noting that if I would discipline them more they would be better behaved). The trip just hasn't been fun. And we've all used up all our vacation $ to come. I'm just blue. |
Anonymous
| BTDT. Take a long weekend, charge it if you have to, and go someplace fun with husband and kids. And now you know. |
Anonymous
Exactly. Now you do not have to feel guilty when they pressure you to move back. In a way, that's priceless. But I think they probably do love your children very much. Some older people get grompy when they are not in their routine, or become more sensitive to commotion. Plus notions of discipline have really evolved... ...so from now on, you are at liberty to configure future vacations with your parents quite differently. Again, priceless. 
|
Anonymous
| I know how disappointing this is. I'm sure you feel it so viscerally. But, as PPs noted, now you know what live would be like if you moved back and you know what they're like with your kids. I know it was an expensive lesson but it was a small price to pay for this knowledge. Let go of any prior expectations you had of your parents and start using your new-found knowledge to lay the foundation for your future interactions with them. They have no more power over you! You are free of guilt! You are immune to pressure! Don't let the sacrifice of your vacation be in vain! |
Anonymous
| Next time they're unfairly disciplining your kids tell them "THIS is why I don't want to move back home to be near you." |
Anonymous
That would be mean. My MIL has difficulty being around my kids for too long. She's older and just can't stand the activity level and noise. After a few rough visits, we revised our former routines - instead of staying with MIL, we stay with SIL and visit MIL for periods of time. On those occasions where we are together for days at a time I plan lots of activities without her so she can recharge. I agree with PP that you've probably all learned a lesson, which is that moving back wouldn't be what they think it would. |
Anonymous
If you want to talk about how your parents are disciplining your kids, do it like an adult and not like PP is suggesting. Unless you like having fights in your family. Talk to them after the incident and explain your method of discipline. If they are still being too harsh and not folling your method, you can quickly step into and interrupt any situation that you don't like. I agree with the other PP about how older people get upset outside their regular routine and get short tempered around too much commotion. Just learn from this experience and then put it behind you. If they want to spend more time with you and your kids, then they can come and visit you. |
Anonymous
| Tell them you're going shopping and they can watch the kids for an hour. Then leave. |
Anonymous
+1 Right, removing the guilt is priceless for sure. |
Anonymous
| Now you will have no guilt associated with not moving back home. Also you are choosing to stay in the house with them the whole vacation. Gather your children up and go do something fun every day you are there. Do something to salvage the trip. |
Anonymous
| "Mom and Dad, if I watch the kids all morning so you can relax, and get them settled for naps, would you kindly watch them from 1-2 so that I could run down to those little shops in the village? I'll have my cell and can be back in 20 minutes if things go awry. Thanks so much!" |
Anonymous
+ 1. My parents and ILs love to be with the kids, and are very responsible about getting the needs of my kids met. Yet, both sets are also very much creatures of their routines because of their age and medical needs. In the end, I have responsibility to raise my own kids and make them individuals that both set of parents would like to spend time with. I treat my parents and ILs with respect and love, and my kids have learned to do that too. In return, my kids get the love of their grandparents, and I get the much needed break and support when I need it. Communication is the key. And parents need to understand that they are the primary caregiver of their kids. The grandparents will dictate the pace and nature of interaction. |
Anonymous
It's all about communication, tone, and appreciation. They owe you no child care. It's a favor. Don't frame is as an expectation. |
Anonymous
+1 on the first part -- think of the most important outcome of this trip as being free of the idea that you should ever move back home. I'd say that's definitely worth quite a lot. I'm also sorry the vacation is rough. But remember that it's also just tough to vacation with kids. Pretty much half the vacations we go on end up sucking at this age. Beach with my kids last week turned out really great this year but I am the OP of this thread from vacation that had its definite low points: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/564922.page I agree that spending some time without your parents - ie going out each day - would probably help you cool down. It won't help you have a vacation, but it will keep you from seething as much. And maybe you can work on that later. DH and I are talking about "staycations" where each take care of the kids while the other enjoys a full weekend day off. Maybe your spouse can do this for you upon return. |
Anonymous
| If you lived near them, you wouldn't have to spend a big chunk of time with them. It would be shorter but more frequent visits. |