Debating on whether to have mom out before baby.
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Anonymous
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My mom, not MIL.
I adore my mom, but recently had her out for our baby shower (FTM here) and the whole weekend was a bit of a disaster. Because mom was here (she lives 10 hours away), my little sister was also here pretty much 24/7. Little sister has deep seated anxiety and it resulted in multiple meltdowns over the weekend because she's been leaving it untreated for a long time. She's finally back on meds again and doing better, but it stressed me out so much because my mom and sister kept imposing on my inability to say no to people in distress. DH has to leave the country for work for two weeks at the end of my eighth month of pregnancy. Mom wants to come back out here to help me for like a week, and to be honest, I need help with the house because of my limitations and would like some company when I'm that close to my due date. I want to see her because I felt like I didn't get that much time with just her with sister around. BUT she did spend a lot of that weekend lecturing me about motherhood (yes, mom, I knew you can't microwave breast milk), venting to me about my sister's inability to focus/function due to anxiety while also implying that I needed to help out sister more, comparing both me and my sister to one another, and complaining that I wasn't letting her help more (she was only here for three days, I wanted to relax and enjoy her company...). So I'm torn. DH says it's my decision and warns me that it could just be another repeat of that weekend - sister asking to come over every day, mom implying I should let her, tears, unwanted advice, and general stress. But my house is a mess and not just in a hire-a-maid-and-be-done-with-it sort of mess. I need to organize a lot before baby gets here (DH is terrible at this, bless him) and get some more freezer cooking in. I'll be working during the day, but I also telework two days a week and am unsure mom will understand that I need to be left to do my work those days. I want more time with my mom. I only get to see her like twice a year, and yeah, she's coming back out after baby is born, but her focus will be baby (first grandkid). WWYD? |
Anonymous
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Outsource any help you need, e.g., have groceries delivered; hire a maid service.
Wait until your DH is home and can act as a buffer to well-meaning but draining family members. |
Anonymous
| I would NOT have her come out. It doesn't sound like she will be helpful and supportive. |
Anonymous
| You can start organizing your house now. You don't need your mom. Enjoy some quiet time by yourself. |
Amazin
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| DH should not be leaving the country for two weeks at the end of your eighth month of pregnancy. But since he is, I'd rely on my friends to help me out intend of dealing with all the mom and sister drama. You don't need it. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks, I knew that deep down but feel so guilty over never seeing her. Will stick to making a plan with our local friends if I need help. |
Anonymous
| What's your plan if baby comes at 37 or 38 weeks? Do you have someone to come to the hospital with you? |
Anonymous
| You can ask her. I doubt she'll want to come just to see you. hotel - hotel - hotel. And learn the word, "no" |
Anonymous
DH will be back by the time I'm 36w , and we have friends. |