My friend is angry at me and now her DH has put me in the middle of their arguement

[Anonymous]

Tough situation.

My friend's dog is 12 and has cancer. He has seizures all the time. Is incontinent. Is bone thin. Barely steady on his back legs. Whines and whimpers all the time. They are spending thousands on him, I know because she complains to me about the bills all the time. He will never get better from this cancer.

I made the comment "Its so hard when it gets to the end and you have to make the decision to end their suffering." Just because I had recently put my 23 year old cat to sleep when his kidneys were failing and his quality of life was spiraling so I completely understand. She became very angry at me and said she couldn't believe that I would suggest she murder her kids dog. I tried to calm her down but she kept going on about how her kids don't want the dog to be put down and shes not going to do it. Her kids are 16 and 18 (off to college next week). She hung up on me and then wrote an ugly text about if I'm not going to be supportive of her then how can I be her friend. Way way over the top reaction.

A few hours later her husband calls me and tells me he has wanted to put the dog down since his diagnosis. The dog is really his "buddy" and he is the one that takes care of him and its breaking his heart to see him suffer but his wife is insisting they treat him. That the kids will be upset if they put him down. Husband said the kids barely acknowledge the dog. He asked if I could please try to talk some sense into his wife.

Talk about being put in the middle. I am sure she will calm down and we'll talk soon but now that I know this is a point of contention in her house I don't want to touch it with a 10 foot pole. My DH who is friends with her DH thinks that I should try to gently talk some sense in to her.

Help me here. I don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. The dog will die soon enough anyway. You don't want her to feel you're ganging up on her, which is likely based on her prior reaction.

[Anonymous]

The reason your friend got so upset is because she knows you're right. She doesn't have the balls to put the dog down so she is hiding behind the "kids won't let her" schtick.

You didn't say anything wrong. Your friend is temporarily crazy. Do not take it upon yourself to talk your friend into putting her dog down. It's her husband's responsibility to get the VET to talk his wife into putting the dog down.

[Anonymous]

It is irresponsible to let an old, sick dog suffer and I hope better sense prevails. However, not your circus, not your monkeys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is irresponsible to let an old, sick dog suffer and I hope better sense prevails. However, not your circus, not your monkeys.

+1. Stay out of it. Her husband is the only one who can talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Especially if it's the husbands dog. He should have more say than she does. He should just take the dog and do it.

Again stay out of it. If you meddle you are most likely to lose a friend.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are in the middle. Your friend is delusional. Her husband is reaching out to you in desperation.

There is nothing you can do or say, unfortunately. Her husband is going to have to man up.

[Anonymous]

And by the way, I think you've already lost a friend. Or I would give her up. Could you keep her as a friend? I couldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason your friend got so upset is because she knows you're right. She doesn't have the balls to put the dog down so she is hiding behind the "kids won't let her" schtick.

You didn't say anything wrong. Your friend is temporarily crazy. Do not take it upon yourself to talk your friend into putting her dog down. It's her husband's responsibility to get the VET to talk his wife into putting the dog down.

This. If that was her reaction to your innocuous statement, there's nothing you could say that will work. Maybe tell the dh to talk to his kids and see if they can help. The guy is grasping at straws by asking you, but really, it won't help.

[Anonymous]

Dear Sally:

Joe called me and asked me to reach out to you. It's killing him to watch poor Toonces suffer. He asked me to "talk some sense into you" --- his words, not mine.

While I was hesitant to get involved given how you blew up at me earlier, I feel it's the right thing to do. As someone who recently put down my 23 year old beloved cat Mr. Whiskers, I know how difficult this is---and I'm sorry that you are going through this. Bottom line: Toonces is suffering. Stop being a self-centered bitch and let your husband do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

This is the vets job really.

[Anonymous]

Stat out of it. Your friend is behaving irrationally. Reply to her text and say, I apologize. I'll be praying for Rover. And that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stat out of it. Your friend is behaving irrationally. Reply to her text and say, I apologize. I'll be praying for Rover. And that's it.

I think I'll try this. I feel for her, I really do. Her outburst was out of character and I feel she is under a tremendous amount of stress from both the emotional toll and the bills. I think I will speak to her husband about talking to their vet and getting the vet on board to gently push for putting the dog to sleep. I didn't know you could do that so thanks to the pp for the advice about it.

[Anonymous]

Look, Joe, Janet lashed out at me for even bringing it up. I think this one is beyond my pay grade. Do you think the vet could convince her? Maybe a professional opinion would help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is irresponsible to let an old, sick dog suffer and I hope better sense prevails. However, not your circus, not your monkeys.

My new favourite phrase!

And I agree with this.