Lead-up to daycare/preschool - how to help transition

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone - If you sent your child to a daycare or preschool as their first experience away from home, did you do anything in the time ahead to help with the transition? To give some background, our DD (nearing 2.5 years old), at home she is still eating in a booster seat with an attached tray and she wears a bib, but at a daycare or preschool, it looks like they all eat at low tables, sitting on little chairs. So I wonder, if you saw on a tour (or knew about it otherwise) that the care facility does something different from your home routine (like the eating set up), did it help to start any 'training' on that ahead of sending them away for their first day? I'm anxious because in a matter of a few weeks she will be going, and I can't see us suddenly changing her routines at home. Thanks for any advice here.

[Anonymous]

Director here: No, don't worry, she'll figure it all out. What I would do is be consistent in your arrival times, do short and loving drop offs, and plan for her to go a few half days the first 2 or 3 days.

She'll learn to sit and not get up 1000 times during snack and lunch, she'll have fun playing with others and being offered opportunities to socialize, play, do art, explore, etc.

At school the environment is set up for the children and the teachers get down to their level. In our homes we bring children up to our level with high chairs and boosters... and that's fine! Imagine having 20 inch high kitchen and dining room tables for 7 years! Yeah, no. Truly, she'll do well.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like you are a very thorough momma. That you are thinking about how to make her transition better proves that. Maybe you could just play "preschool" a little bit with her. Sit and do a little 'art' with her and talk about how fun it will be to have other kids to play with, etc.

I think the preschool director that posted had the best advice: short and loving drop offs. Trust the staff to know just what to do to help her transition to her new 'preschool' routine.

[Anonymous]

NP here. How do they learn not to overturn their plate and not throw food on the ground?

[Anonymous]

At 21/2 years old? Really, most 2 year olds (typically-developing children, not children with special needs) have learned that if they tip their plate over, the food is no longer available for them. If there is a limited amount of food in a lunchbox, then that's that. So while we are caring, we will show them that "there aren't any more of x in your lunchbox. Next time, eat what's on your plate).

At home, there is an unlimited amount in the refrigerator, so you can always "get more" but at school they have food in their lunchbox, and that's that. Or even if a school provides the lunch as some schools do, there is still a limited amount of food provided by the caterer that day - it's plenty, but it's not a never ending supply - so we can't just magically produce more spaghetti.

And, children at 2 years old are able to have more self-control than a child of 12 months of age. But still, I don't think a typically developing 2 year old should be tipping their plate over, even at home, and if they did, then they don't get more of whatever they dumped on the floor or table. So they'll be upset, but they'll learn with natural consequences that there aren't any more bananas. The next day they will eat when they are hungry.

Usually a child starts playing with their plate and whatever when they are finished, and the adults want them at the table longer. So if they are playing, they can be all done, but then once they clean up, they are done and aren't to come back 1,000 more times (this becomes a game, but no child ever starved themselves - and there is a meal or snack no more than 3 hours away, so they'll just eat a really good dinner or have a snack in 3 hours.)

Again, I'm talking about a 2 or 21/2 year old, not a 12 month old - many children that age eat off their tray at that age, but by 18 months a child should be able to eat from a plate/bowl sitting at their high chair and not dump it unless you are trying to keep them at the high chair longer than they are hungry. And if they aren't interested in eating, of course they'll find some other game to play, which might be dump the plate....

[Anonymous]

Also, remember that all the children are sitting at the table, in the little low chairs, eating from plates and bowls with spoons. So a new child will look around and join in. At home there aren't any role models that are close to their age.... but at school there are. And usually a teacher will stay near a newer child to remind them to "sit when you are eating, please" and to redirect them back to eating until they are really done. Remind, remind, remind until it's a habit to just sit and eat (and chat, boy, do they chat, it's great fun!)

[Anonymous]

OP here - Thanks PPs, and it seems like 06:45 wrote again with the longer note a bit later (sorry if I'm mistaken here). Those are great reassuring points, and I do appreciate the insight. I do have many other worries (of course) -- if you return, or if any others join here -- I am also really concerned about potty use. At home, she is still resistant to using it (rarely has, only on our insistence/timing was right).
I think you will likely say that at the school, the teachers are very experienced, and they make it a sort of group experience to learn (potty time, stickers, etc.) That is great, and I hope it works for our DD, but until then, and while she's learning, I am concerned about how strangers (the teachers) will suddenly do things, like changing her. A couple of schools told us they only change standing up, but as we all know, if there's a messy bowel movement, it seems impossible to be able to clean the child in that position. Sorry to carry on, I just feel there are many unknowns about to happen to our child, and I do wish somehow I could help her adjust (seems there might be little I can do, though, in a short time period).

[Anonymous]

OP back - I'm just wondering, still, how others have dealt with the transitions to daycare. I'm especially worried these days about the changing/potty routines. Our DD can have messy bowel movements, and I just can't see how the provider will be able to clean/change her effectively as she is standing. Do any others on here send their child to a center where the changing is done standing? I imagine if it's a messy diaper, they would use a change pad. But a couple of places specified that they change the child as s/he stands to help transition the child to using a potty/toilet, which of course is in a vertical position. Thanks again for any input.

[Anonymous]

I change wet diapers standing up at 21/2 years old, or dry diapers and have them then "try" on the potty if they want to. But a messy BM diaper? Goes right onto the diaper table, I'm no martyr!

If they have the kids stand up to change a messy diapers, that's their right, but you don't need to do it - she will honestly figure out that at school X is done, at home Y is done. (and a truly messy diaper? I bet they have a diaper table!)

And we have potty breaks/diaper changing times that are about every 21/2 to 3 hours - none of which you do. So something like: 9 or 9:30am, before or after (or both) lunch, after nap (so around 3-3:30pm-ish) then at 5 or 5:15 so they are clean and fresh at pickup. And of course change any BMs that happen between those times - we have some kids who have a BM like clockwork at 5:30pm so we change them before their parent gets here, others aren't picked up until 6:25pm and have a 1 hour commute home, so we do those few diapers/potty trips at 6:15pm. We get to know the child and family's routine and adjust.

Your child will learn so much by being with other children, learning from them, playing with them, being exposed to other ways to do things, etc. And when 3 other kids are peeing in the potty and wearing pretty Dora the Explorer (or whomever it is now) undies, she is going to want to do it soon, too!

And she'll sit with the others for painting, playdough, lunch, etc. If you are sending meals, make sure you aren't sending containers that are hard to get into - they'll help her, but 2 year olds like to do things themselves, so send easy Rubbermaid containers. And wait for yogurt at home when you can put her in a bib so you aren't too upset by a messy shirt that has some yogurt on it.


Really, you and she will be fine! It's going to be fun. And they won't do things the way you do them - partly because nobody is an identical twin of anyone else and partly because they must do things with a group you wouldn't do at home. Having set diaper times is one of them, because otherwise you won't get all the kids done, etc. And they will have a "schedule" so they'll have kids arrive between 7:30 and 9:30am, while there is free play time, then morning snack at 9:30, then potty time, go outside on the playground time, come back inside, more potty time for kids new to underwear, and activity (like painting, center time, etc) time until lunch time. Then after lunch they'll lay on cots/mats and listen to quiet music and have their backs rubbed, foreheads rubbed, or just lay and fall asleep themselves..... then they'll get up, have snack and then some other fun thing or go outside time....

Then there is handwashing: they'll insist children wash hands after having their diaper changed (it's a licensing requirement), after they go potty, after their wipe their nose, before and after all meals and snacks, and I hope when each child arrives into the classroom. You may not wash hands nearly that much at home, but we're trying to cut down on illness and germ passing.... (and frankly, everyone should wash their hands at home MORE than they do, handwashing is the single best way to cut down on passing illness around...)

Even if you don't feel it, SMILE and FAKE IT - say you're going to have so much fun at school/daycare/childcare/preschool whatever you call it. Don't say "I hope you'll be ok" or "I know you'll have a hard time, but it won't be for very long" - say "I know you'll have so much fun, I can't wait to hear about it later."

I know it's hard to say goodbye to Mom/Dad, but I know you'll have so much fun with those legos/puppets/blocks/whatever is on the shelf you can see.

Quick goodbyes, half days the first few days, and all will be well. Truly.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- 16:14, such a thoughtful and helpful note, thank you so much. I can only hope that whichever teachers/providers end up caring for our daughter are like you -- supportive, understanding, knowledgeable and caring. I sincerely appreciate all your time and support. Thank you again!

[Anonymous]

My daughter loved the book "Maisy Goes to Preschool." We read it over and over again and I think it helped her know what to expect.

[Anonymous]

Super positive attitude. Kids can overhear and over correlate stuff, such as if you say to your partner "I'm worried I won't be able to fit in picking up school uniforms in time....." Or something seemingly normal. Just always keep positive about school.

Congratulate him for brave moments.

If he expresses nervousness, let him know it's a normal feeling. Explain what confidence is (it means you can do anything!!) and explain that the nervous feeling will go and the confidence will grow each day.

[Anonymous]

Talk it up, explain what will happen, explain that you'll pick up your daughter every day, just keep telling her what will happen to her so that her expectations are set. My 2.25 year old gets it when I explain what is going to happen, even if he can't repeat it back to me. He's listening so it's worth my time to make the explanations and talk about all the aspects of his day.