Cheating or not?

[Anonymous]

Texting/sexting anyone outside your primary relationship... so, this topic came up.

Spouse says not cheating. Cheating is only when there is actual physical contact. I couldn't believe it. Ended up in a heated argument without resolution.

Now I am worried. If that's not considered cheating (I think it is), well, who's to say that wouldn't happen between us without him feeling any guilt?

[Anonymous]

That would be cheating to me and DH and I had a few discussions when we started dating about what we each thought "cheating" was and he and I are/were in agreement.

My opinion that it is cheating is based on the fact that it has a decent chance of escalating to a physical or an emotional affair that will damage the marital relationship. Also, I'm not comfortable doing anything that I wouldn't want my DH to find out about. I don't tell DH everything I do but I avoid doing things I would need to actively hide from him.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you that it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would be cheating to me and DH and I had a few discussions when we started dating about what we each thought "cheating" was and he and I are/were in agreement.

My opinion that it is cheating is based on the fact that it has a decent chance of escalating to a physical or an emotional affair that will damage the marital relationship. Also, I'm not comfortable doing anything that I wouldn't want my DH to find out about. I don't tell DH everything I do but I avoid doing things I would need to actively hide from him.

I should say, I only consider sexting to be cheating. Flirty texts are borderline and are asking for trouble. Just texting other people of the gender you're attracted to isn't cheating at all in my book unless it's secretive, which is a sign you're asking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Depends on frequency and actual content.

But more importantly, if you made it clear to your spouse that it is unacceptable (cheating) TO YOU, then he should respect that.

[Anonymous]

I think the book Not Just Friends addresses this nicely. If you can't/wouldn't tell your spouse, you shouldn't be doing it.

[Anonymous]

Sexting!? Of course that's cheating.

Your spouse is FOS.

[Anonymous]

Cheating for sure.

[Anonymous]

Cheating

[Anonymous]

Sexting is cheating for sure. Texting a lot may be inappropriate and could lead to something more, but not necessarily cheating.

[Anonymous]

If you can't do it in front of your partner, and/or would be embarrassed (or worse) if your partner found out, it's cheating.

If you text someone of your preferred gender, but wouldn't care at all if your partner saw it because your partner wouldn't mind, then it's probably fine.

Anything else is a problem.

The fact that this isn't obvious to your partner is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sexting is cheating for sure. Texting a lot may be inappropriate and could lead to something more, but not necessarily cheating.

This. But it's a bigger concern your spouse disregarded your feelings on the subject.

[Anonymous]

Simply texting the opposite sex isn't cheating.

But it doesn't have to be physical for it to be cheating. Emotional affairs are real. And oftentimes more hurtful than a one night stand.

[Anonymous]

Its cheating but it's on the lower end of the cheating spectrum. Physical and emotional affairs are obviously worse.

I assume most people send flirty or inappropriate texts at some point over a long marriage.

[Anonymous]

Texting was like 60% of my emotional affair. Which eventually led to a physical affair.

And it started as innocent texting.