Anyone successful in learning to care not so much about their career / work?
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Anonymous
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I constantly think about work and care very deeply about my career / career progression / making sure I'm "going somewhere" etc. In my current role I'm busy and enjoy it but feel like my growth has stopped (I built a big internal function and now just turn the crank to keep it running) and that bugs me and I'm worried about becoming irrelevant/not as important at my company. I'm actively trying to take on another big effort even though my current work keeps me very busy, it just isn't that challenging anymore.
I wish I wasn't this way, I wish I could just enjoy it for a bit that its gotten easier, to be happy that I have room for other things in my life, to take up a hobby etc. I wish I didn't obsess over the obnoxious person I butt head with, the potential slight that I wasn't included in an important meeting etc. Logically I know I'm doing well, respected etc. How do I stop caring so much and put work in a less defining and important context? |
Anonymous
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Yes. It's hard. Beyond the emotional work you have to do, here are some practical tips that helped me.
- I remove my work email from my phone on weekends, and I take it off my home screen every evening. I still can get into it in the evening, but on weekends I full on delete it. - If you have a laptop, stop taking it home with you if you can, or leave it in your bag in a closet if you must take it home. One of the worst ways I get sucked in is browsing personal stuff on my work laptop in the evening. - Create some routines that force you to not think about work during free time. I'm married, so I own cooking dinner every night (by choice), and I also started going to a certain workout class 4x a week I really like. - If you gossip/talk with colleagues about what is going on at work politically, stop. - I have a bad tendency of starting to work too early. I telecommute most of the time, so it feels good to get a jump start and knock several things out. But the reality is other shit comes up to fill that time, and I just end up working really long days. Pick your work hours and stick to them 90% of days. - Get away from your desk for lunch. |
Anonymous
I took the work email one step further by getting a cheap phone just for work. Then I can turn it off on Friday afternoons and put it in a drawer until Monday am. For whatever reason this is a major psychological boost for me and has made me be less focused on work outside of my normal work hours. |
Anonymous
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2 things that changed me
- unexpected sudden death of parent - having a kid Both made me realize there is far more in life than work |
Anonymous
| No clue. I'm a legal secretary. I stop thinking about work even before I hit the lobby of my building on the way out. |
Anonymous
+1 Everything changed after I had a baby. I am very sorry for your loss, PP. |
Anonymous
| Yes, I am 53, tired of working and could care less about work or my career. The only thing that drives me is the paycheck and nearly $300K annual salary, which allows me to support myself and family. Also, like a PP said, there are things that can change your perspective on life like death and illness. Work is not the be all to end all. |
Anonymous
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My husband and I are opposites here - He cares deeply about his career/job and while I like (maybe even love my job), I can easily put it to the side (I'm a lawyer). I can tell you the differences between us:
- I very much know that work is just what allows me to live my life. My husband cannot always make that distinction. - Even though we all spend at least 40 hours a week at work, I don't let the fact that I'm physically somewhere else for that amount time take over my life. My husband has said on numerous occasions "Well, I spend most of my time at work." In other words, just b/c you're there, does not mean you have to make a "life" there too. - I essentially don't care if I'm well-liked. I'm polite, make friends, etc., but I'm not overboard. My husband cares deeply that people like him. - I know that I'm good at what I do. I think my husband is insecure about his skills at times. So, he's always trying to prove himself. - |
Anonymous
| How do you separate your ego from it? Or did it just happen naturally as you age (FFIW I'm mid30, married, no kids due to fertility issues) |
Anonymous
My husband is much more career-oriented than I am. I'm not particularly ambitious--I work because I need a paycheck. I got the education to allow me to find a reasonably lucrative job (government attorney) that does not make huge demands on my free time. Absent some particular project that requires that I work late or take work home, I don't. And I don't turn on my work phone at home. I don't check work emails at home. I don't think all that much about work, unless there's a really interesting issue that I'm mulling over. I leave work at work. My real life is my family, my friends, my books, my hobbies and interests. |
Anonymous
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Thank you for this thread. I could be OP, and in fact was planning to ask, how do I get over my anxiety about my mid-year and year-end performance reviews. I always get a good review and usually get a great review, and have never had an improvement plan, etc. but I still feel like I should take a Valium or can't stop thinking about it weeks in advance.
I have a hard time separating myself from my work mentally. I know that there are more important things in life, especially my husband and my kids, but it's almost irrational that I can't turn off the chatter in my head when I'm away. |
Anonymous
| I'm a teacher and I've found that my colleagues who don't have children tend to hyper focus on their jobs. My job is my job but when I finish my job, I have a life at home. I'm a single parent and my DD needs me. My end of the year evaluation. One year I am highly effective and the next year I am effective. This year, my effective rating was based on one student who wasn't having a good day when he did the post assessment for my SLO. When things like this happen, it just makes me realize how ridiculous the entire system is. I work to make money for my family. I care about my work and I always do my best but it isn't my life. |
Anonymous
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Everybody has something that they ground their identities in and find security in. For some people, it's achievement related to work, prestige related to college, the value of a title or organization... some people ground their identities more in how they are viewed as a parent, how they are viewed as a spouse... And you know what it is, because you are quick to take offense when someone even remotely implies you are not who you think you are, or you feel like your world is turned upside down if something is challenging that identity, or you're very deeply pleased with yourself when someone recognizes your chosen identity, and you don't know how to turn it off.
I don't know if you might be a believer in God but I found this book to be very helpful in revealing my own issues and why I'm so prone to caring so much about how I'm perceived at work and finding peace in a deeper sense of security outside of that. It's changed my world view. https://www.amazon.com/Search-Significance-Seeing-Worth-Through/dp/0849944244 |
Anonymous
PP - I never had an ego when it comes to work, it's just not who I am. But, it's clearly what my husband struggles with. Is it the only place where you feel you can be successful? Do you get a "high" on being needed? Being told you're right? These are all the things I see in my husband. You really have to question WHY you feel the way you do. I think a lot of it just comes from society - your job/who you know is extremely important in American culture. We're workaholics. |
Anonymous
And to add, I'm married with 1 kid, 6 months old. It hasn't really affected the way my husband views work. |