We're separating and today is my anniversary

[Anonymous]

Married 11 years, two kids, at least one long term affair that I know of, and he's a narcissist and emotionally manipulative/abusive. He's finally moving out at the end of the month and mostly I'm so relieved and looking forward to picking up the pieces and healing from this.

But today is our anniversary and I'm just so sad. Sad that he's not the person I thought he was, sad that I let myself be treated so badly for so long, sad that our family is changing, and sad that my kids won't have an emotionally or physically present father.

Of course when I saw my therapist yesterday, I was feeling great. Now I have to wait a whole week for my next appointment, therefore I'm venting/sharing on DCUM. Thanks for listening.

[Anonymous]

You are me. So eerily similar. I know there are hard days like today, but there will be many more wonderful. You sound very nice and sensible. You and your children will thrive, I promise you. You can feel sad sometimes, it's ok! Things will be great for you, I just know it. So much better than if you were stuck with him. Good luck!!!!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. I am in a similar position but instead of separating I'm still being lied to and have 3 young kids. Life does not always look how we expected and I think that's probably the most hurtful part of it. But that doesn't mean things won't be great- just different than we thought....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are me. So eerily similar. I know there are hard days like today, but there will be many more wonderful. You sound very nice and sensible. You and your children will thrive, I promise you. You can feel sad sometimes, it's ok! Things will be great for you, I just know it. So much better than if you were stuck with him. Good luck!!!!

Thank you! I took the morning off and am feeling better. I'm not sad often, so sometimes it surprises me. I hope you and your family are doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. I am in a similar position but instead of separating I'm still being lied to and have 3 young kids. Life does not always look how we expected and I think that's probably the most hurtful part of it. But that doesn't mean things won't be great- just different than we thought....

<<hugs>>

[Anonymous]

I wish you strength and peace. It's hard - all the losses that come with divorce. The loss of your intact family with your kids, your hopes and dreams.

I promise there will be new hopes and dreams. And that you'll enjoy your children when this weight is lifted because you'll have the energy and internal light to nurture them. And you're being a good roll model to leave the abuse rather than ignoring it and minimizing it, which I'm sure has been a coping strategy that got you this far.

*hugs*

[Anonymous]

You got married on a Tuesday?

I'm sorry you're hurting, but I find that interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are me. So eerily similar. I know there are hard days like today, but there will be many more wonderful. You sound very nice and sensible. You and your children will thrive, I promise you. You can feel sad sometimes, it's ok! Things will be great for you, I just know it. So much better than if you were stuck with him. Good luck!!!!

Thank you! I took the morning off and am feeling better. I'm not sad often, so sometimes it surprises me. I hope you and your family are doing well.

That is so sweet, thanks! I really like the site www.chumplady.com
It may help. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got married on a Tuesday?

I'm sorry you're hurting, but I find that interesting.

I'm sorry, but this is one of the stupidest things I've read on DCUM. You do realize the dates don't fall on the same day every year, right?

[Anonymous]

OP, this is going to sound counter intuitive, but there have to have been SOME good times when you were together. Have a nice meal and celebrate the fact there were enjoyable pieces of the marriage. And that someday there will be enjoyable moments with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got married on a Tuesday?

I'm sorry you're hurting, but I find that interesting.

I'm sorry, but this is one of the stupidest things I've read on DCUM. You do realize the dates don't fall on the same day every year, right?

And a quick Google of the date shows that July 19, 2005 was, in fact, a Tuesday. Though I am surprised that PP knew that/looked it up.

[Anonymous]

For Pete's sake, maybe she changed the number of years so no one would know it was her posting. I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got married on a Tuesday?

I'm sorry you're hurting, but I find that interesting.

I'm sorry, but this is one of the stupidest things I've read on DCUM. You do realize the dates don't fall on the same day every year, right?

And a quick Google of the date shows that July 19, 2005 was, in fact, a Tuesday. Though I am surprised that PP knew that/looked it up.

I actually knew the date as it was the day my oldest DD was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got married on a Tuesday?

I'm sorry you're hurting, but I find that interesting.

I'm sorry, but this is one of the stupidest things I've read on DCUM. You do realize the dates don't fall on the same day every year, right?

And a quick Google of the date shows that July 19, 2005 was, in fact, a Tuesday. Though I am surprised that PP knew that/looked it up.

I actually knew the date as it was the day my oldest DD was born.

OP here, haha, I didn't even remember the day of the week...we didn't have a traditional wedding and it was rather spur of the moment. I won't add more details since they would definitely identify me.

[Anonymous]

Breaking up is never a progressive process OP.

You will get to points where you will feel like you are completely over the pain....that your wounds have healed, etc., then BAM!!...Something will occur & you will feel like all your "progress" has nosedived + that you just took twenty steps backward.

But keep the faith.
You will get over the pain.
But it is a process.
There are no easy short-cuts.

Good luck!