Birthday Celebration Drama

[Crew]

I'll try to make this brief.
My GF of 5 years turned 50 and I wanted to arrange a surprise dinner with her 4 best friends and their spouses.
On top of that, because she and her brother, and his family, are very close I also arranged a dinner on her birthday with her brother and his wife. I did this because he was going to be away the night of dinner with friends, otherwise I would certainly include him. Because I was limited to 10 for the big dinner I could not include her two nieces and their husbands for this dinner. However, I did ask them to join us the next day for brunch at a very nice, upscale hotel. They accepted the brunch invite.
The day before the dinner with friends, and the day that her brother is leaving for his trip, he texts me saying he heard I'm hosting a surprise party for sis and is "surprised" I didn't include any family, i.e. the nieces. I immediately called him, apologized for any unintentional hurt feelings and explained that this was for sis and her friends and that I had brunch plans with the nieces the following day. I said they were close, and they really are. Sis has no children of her own and treats the nieces like daughters. They reciprocate that feeling back to their aunt. Great kids.
So, after thinking this over, I'm not thinking I did anything wrong. If bro were home I would have dropped one couple and included him. He and I generally get along pretty well and I'm a little pissed that he made an issue of this.
Any thoughts as to if I'm being unfair in this matter?

[Anonymous]

In my little world of humble birthday get-togethers, you are going WAY overboard on the parties, my friend.

Don't get upset. The brother asked, you answered, you even apologized (why?). End of story. Everyone moves on.

[Anonymous]

Don't think you did anything wrong for the birthday, and wonder if you are reading too much into the brother's text. Sounds like he didn't realize that you had included family in other events around the occasion. Once you explained, was it actually an issue any longer? I don't understand why you are a little pissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In my little world of humble birthday get-togethers, you are going WAY overboard on the parties, my friend.

Don't get upset. The brother asked, you answered, you even apologized (why?). End of story. Everyone moves on.

I thought this, too, but it is a milestone birthday, and some people really do like a bunch of stuff to make an occasion. I wouldn't want all that, but here's hoping Crew knows his gf better than we do!

[Anonymous]

He asked, you explained that the nieces were included in a separate event.

Did he then punch you in the neck and curse your grandma? I don't understand why you are upset. Unless he screamed at you while he was asking, he was just asking, you know? Once you cleared up the fact that the nieces will be part of a celebration, did he move on?

[Crew]

Anonymous wrote:Don't think you did anything wrong for the birthday, and wonder if you are reading too much into the brother's text. Sounds like he didn't realize that you had included family in other events around the occasion. Once you explained, was it actually an issue any longer? I don't understand why you are a little pissed.

I'm disappointed that he chose to bring it up as an issue. He was aware of the brunch invite. I did speak privately to the nieces and they seemed fine with everything. It's possible it was just her brother's way of letting me know he was upset but blamed it on the girls.
As for too many celebrations, it is a part of their culture that we celebrate all events like this.
I am always included by the family in any event and treated very well by them, overall. Brother can be a little moody and I generally just overlook it.
However, his comments took some of the pleasure out of the dinner for me. Btw, dinner turned out great and, once there, I had a good time. My GF knows none of this.

[Anonymous]

Crew wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't think you did anything wrong for the birthday, and wonder if you are reading too much into the brother's text. Sounds like he didn't realize that you had included family in other events around the occasion. Once you explained, was it actually an issue any longer? I don't understand why you are a little pissed.

I'm disappointed that he chose to bring it up as an issue. He was aware of the brunch invite. I did speak privately to the nieces and they seemed fine with everything. It's possible it was just her brother's way of letting me know he was upset but blamed it on the girls.
As for too many celebrations, it is a part of their culture that we celebrate all events like this.
I am always included by the family in any event and treated very well by them, overall. Brother can be a little moody and I generally just overlook it.
However, his comments took some of the pleasure out of the dinner for me. Btw, dinner turned out great and, once there, I had a good time. My GF knows none of this.

OK, but...what's the actual issue? So he grumbled a bit. And? So what? So long as he didn't call up your girlfriend and complain, or leave a flaming bag of poo on your doorstep, what's the problem? You were entitled to plan the events and invite who you wanted, he's entitled to feel a feel about how it all went down. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Op, you sound like a great person! I'm sure once you explained, your BIL understood and I think you did the right thing to call and explain. It may be annoying but, it is always good to clear the air on the phone or person so there isn't any more miscommunication.

Hope you had a good time at all the celebrations!

[Anonymous]

If you get upset, then you're creating the drama, not the brother. He was surprised, you explained your reasons, now he understands.

I agree with the others that throwing three different things for one person's birthday is nuts, but whatever.

[Anonymous]

You need to move on

[Anonymous]

Yeah I would be pissed too. He got invited they got invited so I don't know why he said anything either. Did he back off with your reply?

Be careful, you may have a life time of this ahead of you.

Good luck! You sound amazing!

[Anonymous]

Crew wrote:I'll try to make this brief.
My GF of 5 years turned 50 and I wanted to arrange a surprise dinner with her 4 best friends and their spouses.
On top of that, because she and her brother, and his family, are very close I also arranged a dinner on her birthday with her brother and his wife. I did this because he was going to be away the night of dinner with friends, otherwise I would certainly include him. Because I was limited to 10 for the big dinner I could not include her two nieces and their husbands for this dinner. However, I did ask them to join us the next day for brunch at a very nice, upscale hotel. They accepted the brunch invite.
The day before the dinner with friends, and the day that her brother is leaving for his trip, he texts me saying he heard I'm hosting a surprise party for sis and is "surprised" I didn't include any family, i.e. the nieces. I immediately called him, apologized for any unintentional hurt feelings and explained that this was for sis and her friends and that I had brunch plans with the nieces the following day. I said they were close, and they really are. Sis has no children of her own and treats the nieces like daughters. They reciprocate that feeling back to their aunt. Great kids.
So, after thinking this over, I'm not thinking I did anything wrong. If bro were home I would have dropped one couple and included him. He and I generally get along pretty well and I'm a little pissed that he made an issue of this.
Any thoughts as to if I'm being unfair in this matter?

Just keep it moving. Some people find reasons to be upset or offended. Sounds like your BIL is one of those people.

[Anonymous]

The brother should be throwing his own party for his sister if he is so interested.

[Anonymous]

This is way too much drama for people who are 50 yrs old.