Crying at preschool drop-off

[Anonymous]

My 4yo has been at the same daycare/preschool for the last 2 years. She's moved up from 2s, to 3s now 4s. At some point during each of these classes, she has had LONG stints of crying at drop-off (like 1-3 months straight). Where she'll keep wanting to "stay with mommy" and be perfectly happy at pickup. I thought we were over this, but here we are again. 3 months later and after transitioning to her 4s class 2 weeks ago. The crying has started again during drop off. She has had contact and played with all the teachers during her time at the school, so what can I do?

I've tried talking to her before hand, "remember, you're a big girl now and big girls don't cry at school" or "no body else cries at school" or just ignoring it and moving on. I'm just out of ideas really at this point. Last time that this did stop was after I gave her a bribe, but that's not really something I want to keep up on a regular basis...but maybe another incentive?

Honestly, I know she's fine in class. I know she stops crying mostly after I leave...but still, it's unpleasant and makes me sad to see her upset ever day. I have not had to deal with this with my older 7yo so I'm a little baffled at the whole thing. Bring me some words of wisdom DCUM!

[Anonymous]

So do you think she's faking her expressions of sadness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So do you think she's faking her expressions of sadness?

No I think she gets into a bad routine of crying. She cried 3 days before, so then it becomes a thing, she cries at drop offs. Sometimes I know she has a cold or whatever, but want to encourage positive behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 4yo has been at the same daycare/preschool for the last 2 years. She's moved up from 2s, to 3s now 4s. At some point during each of these classes, she has had LONG stints of crying at drop-off (like 1-3 months straight). Where she'll keep wanting to "stay with mommy" and be perfectly happy at pickup. I thought we were over this, but here we are again. 3 months later and after transitioning to her 4s class 2 weeks ago. The crying has started again during drop off. She has had contact and played with all the teachers during her time at the school, so what can I do?

I've tried talking to her before hand, "remember, you're a big girl now and big girls don't cry at school" or "no body else cries at school" or just ignoring it and moving on. I'm just out of ideas really at this point. Last time that this did stop was after I gave her a bribe, but that's not really something I want to keep up on a regular basis...but maybe another incentive?

Honestly, I know she's fine in class. I know she stops crying mostly after I leave...but still, it's unpleasant and makes me sad to see her upset ever day. I have not had to deal with this with my older 7yo so I'm a little baffled at the whole thing. Bring me some words of wisdom DCUM!

I'm not crazy about telling her she's a big girl now and big girls don't cry at school. I mean, she's crying at school so that means you are wrong about big girls not crying or she's not a big girl. I would hold tight to my knowledge that it only lasts a few minutes and she's fine, and I would hug her and say that I know it can be really sad to say 'see you later' (long ago we turned 'good-bye' into 'see you later' to help at transition), give her a hug and a kiss and leave. Even if her crying makes you sad, it's not really her job to keep her happy. She's sad; so let her be sad, especially if it's just for a couple of minutes.

[Anonymous]

Either she's genuinely upset about the transition, or she is getting a response from you (you linger longer at drop-off, etc). Empathize with her feelings, remind her that mommy is coming back at x time, give her a hug, and leave. She'll be fine. Telling her that nobody cries at school is insensitive and invalidating.

[Anonymous]

Good advice so far, OP. We need to allow children their sadness, especially when having to separate from loved ones. If you trust her teachers, let them take the lead when you depart at drop-off time.

[Anonymous]

In the car, I'd talk about the fun stuff she is going to do, who and when is picking up. I'd make it a quick drop off, quick kiss and see you later.

Also, can you try something like she pushes you out of the classroom, door? My son loves to do that. Or turn it into a game somehow.

[Anonymous]

Be positive and empathetic. I agree not to tell her big girls don't cry at school, etc.

[Anonymous]

You need to let her feel her feelings. "You are sad, but I know you are safe and have lots of fun things to do today! I love you and will be back at the end of the day." Kiss and leave, no lingering. I bet she's happy within 3 minutes.

[Anonymous]

What has worked for us is creating a new routine. Like, instead of going straight into class, maybe stop at the bathroom and use extra soap to do an extra soapy hand wash. Then, when you get to the classroom, try a new goodbye routine. Instead of a kiss goodbye, we do: "A Hug, A Kiss and A High Five" it's silly and it's our thing- and it tends
To take away from the stress of separating in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to let her feel her feelings. "You are sad, but I know you are safe and have lots of fun things to do today! I love you and will be back at the end of the day." Kiss and leave, no lingering. I bet she's happy within 3 minutes.

+1

[Anonymous]

Good Lord. She has to go to school, tears or not.

[Anonymous]

She's not "a big girl now." She's 4. Any kid would rather be with mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord. She has to go to school, tears or not.

Good Lord, she's four. What's wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not "a big girl now." She's 4. Any kid would rather be with mom.

Agreed, shaming her for her legitimate and valid feelings is really insensitive and unkind.