Siblings name-calling, punching arms, pushing -- generally not nice behavior

[Anonymous]

Can we be realistic about this? I've got two boys and they are constantly playing wildly or fighting wildly. Often, these things look the same. I want them to be nice to each other (I would even accept ignoring the other) - but am I really supposed to discipline/comment every time one calls the other a name or shoves a little, not to hurt, but to annoy. God, do they absolutely love to annoy one another. Half the time if one calls the other a poo-poo head the one being called the name laughs. But the other half of the time they're calling me to tattle. I just want to say - look, I don't care until there's blood. But then I worry that one (the older, oddly, who is less physical and more sensitive) will feel kind of bullied because he has a tendency to feel the world is against him. It's exhausting. And boring. They are ruining our summer.

[Anonymous]

No name calling. Tell the offended kid to tell his sibling to stop and how it makes him feel. If offending kid doesn't knock it off, the kid can tell mom by saying, "Mom, I tried to work this out with ABC, but it hasn't worked." No tattling without trying to resolve on your own. Screaming STOP at your sibling doesn't work.

Separate them whenever possible if they aren't getting along. If you are home all day, ABC has the PS4 for 30m and then XYZ does. While ABC plays, XYZ has to read in his room. If you are out and about they need to stay on either side of you and not stand together.

Continual arguing, touching (there should be no touching) will result in loss of privilege by all.

- mom of twin boys who hates when they pull this crap

[Anonymous]

I hear ya op, PP has good advices. Keeping them busy and tired. Lots of library time, do separate things with friends and send them outdoor.

[Anonymous]

Boys. Yep. I have two, two years apart. Seems like it always ends in tears. Some things that are helpful to me (but not all of them always work):

- When they fight and come running to me, unless it is really serious or egregious, I usually refuse to get sucked into it. I just quiet them down, ask them if they are having fun (no). Do they like being unhappy (no), and if they want to keep playing with each other (yes). Then I make THEM figure out how to play without fighting. If it doesn't work, they get a time out from each other for 30 minutes or so.

- Send them outside. Tired boys are good boys.

- Don't be above bribery. "If you can refrain from fighting during the car trip to location x, you can each have Y when we arrive."

[Anonymous]

I have 10 and 12 year old boys. DW always laments that they aren't best friends like she was with her sister. I have a different barometer on this based on past experience. My older brother and I fought viciously. Somehow, my parents managed to stay out of it for the most part. Eventually, we started to get along when he hit high school age and I was in middle school. We became best friends once he went to college and still are 25 years later. How your kids are now is not a reflection of how they will be with each other in the future. Keep saying that to yourself.

[Anonymous]

When one of my kids tattle about what their sibling did I ask "Why do you think she did that?" Well she probably punched me because I took her book without asking.

I tell them "If they did something in retaliation for something you did I don't want to hear it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 10 and 12 year old boys. DW always laments that they aren't best friends like she was with her sister. I have a different barometer on this based on past experience. My older brother and I fought viciously. Somehow, my parents managed to stay out of it for the most part. Eventually, we started to get along when he hit high school age and I was in middle school. We became best friends once he went to college and still are 25 years later. How your kids are now is not a reflection of how they will be with each other in the future. Keep saying that to yourself.

+1

I am not going to talk to them all day long! If they aren't bleeding and nothing is broken, they can have at it. I have a few rules. Stop means stop, no means no, etc. No hitting in the head. No purposely trying to hurt someone. No kicking. No spitting. "You are playing to rough" needs to be honored.

They will be expert team players and negotiators some day.

PS - they sob hysterically when I try to separate them. When they were really little, when I sent the perpetrator to time out, the other would go and join in a show of solidarity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When one of my kids tattle about what their sibling did I ask "Why do you think she did that?" Well she probably punched me because I took her book without asking.

I tell them "If they did something in retaliation for something you did I don't want to hear it."

I need to add this to my list...