DS regresses when grandparents visit

[Anonymous]

Every time my parents visit for one of their long stays (they live a flight away and therefore stay for a week-plus) a lot of DS's good behavior seems to disappear, at least temporarily. For example, he's 3 years old and does just fine feeding himself, but for whatever weird reason, I catch my mother spoon-feeding him as if he's 9 months old again. Then, after the go home, he pitches a fit when I tell him to feed himself.

Or, another example: he sits just fine on a chair while flipping through a book but after they visit, he won't sit in a chair. He has to sit in your lap like a baby and has a fit when you tell him he can sit by himself just fine. Sure, we don't mind our kid sitting on your lap for fun, but when you need to make dinner or catch up on another task, it's nice when he can sit quietly and play at the table himself.

Again, I know it's my mom, who sits with him on her lap for long periods of time and holds him like he's an infant (I've actually caught her cradling him like an infant too). I realize grandparents like to do this stuff, but it's making our home life harder when we need to reset his "big boy" skills. Anyone dealing with this? How can we nip it in the bud without hurting feelings?

[Anonymous]

Aw, he's her baby. Leave your mom alone. I say you take the temporary regression as a small consequence of having a loving grandma for your son.

[Anonymous]

Teach him that there are different rules with grandparents. He can have a day to be sad that they left, but then he needs to go back to his regular rules.

[Anonymous]

I think DS is not getting the attention he needs from you. I know, I know, we're all busy and such, but hold him like a baby once in a while. He's still a very young child!

[Anonymous]

Omg you caught her cradling him like an infant?? What's next, an intro to heroin?

While the temporary behavior fall-out sounds a little annoying, I think it's sweet your mom is so affection with her grandchild. I'd ignore the behavior you don't like and snuggle with your kid more often.

[Anonymous]

My 3 yo talks in non-stop baby talk after my MIL visits.

Drives me up the freakin' wall. But it's worth it for all the free babysitting I get when she's here. And for all the love my kid gets from her grandma.

[Anonymous]

OP, welcome to the world of both having a parent and being a parent.

This is just how it goes. Roll with it, suck it up for a day or so while DC readjusts and let it go. This is not one that is worth battling over, with either your mother or your DC. Trust me on this one.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I know what it's like. After visiting the ILs my kids want candy all the time. Every toy they are given turns into a weapon or clutter.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. My DD tried to pull the same stuff with both my mom and my MIL. She started doing it when we actually had a new baby in the house, i.e., her little brother, so it was definitely a call for attention. The way it worked with my DD is she would get more and more insistent on it, and more and more deliberately regressive. So not just wanting to be cradled like a baby, but also wanting a pretend diaper change, or crying like a baby rather than talking. My mom saw it was an issue and so when I spoke to her about it, she was receptive to cutting back on it. Otherwise, I either ignored it or expressed mild disapproval while it was going on, and otherwise said Mommy doesn't play that game when DD asked to be a baby with me. Definitely annoying but they have so many annoying behaviors at that age...

[Anonymous]

Try to bite your tongue during the visit. If it gives your DS good memories of his grandmother then try to. I know it's a PITA to deal w/ the kids after they get spoiled by grandparents. I get to deal with it later this Summer. Sigh, I'll just drink extra wine afterwards.

[Anonymous]

My son is 7 and acts like a holy terror every time he returns from a night at the local grandparents' house. It's so upsetting to our family dynamic that we don't ask their help as often as we would like to. They're really very good grandparents but overly permissive all the time and do things like swear they won't give him soda after we make it very clear he just had a cavity and he can't have soda...then they send me a photo of him drinking soda. It's insane.

At age 3, I don't see this as being a big deal though. A child that young can't self-regulate very well.

Consider talking to the grandparents about your wishes though, if they're doing stuff you find objectionable.

[Anonymous]

Tell your mother her behavior is disruptive and to treat your son in an age-appropriate manner.

[Anonymous]

This is so normal. Heck, I'm 42 and I regress to 19 when my parents visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mother her behavior is disruptive and to treat your son in an age-appropriate manner.

You people are raising robots or something? Wow. Just wow.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry about it. Kids often have to readjust after being with grandparents. It's not a big deal. Stop 'catching' her doing things like cradling him or having him in her lap. Just carry on after they are gone as you were and all will be fine.