Can a man and a woman be just good friends?

[UsrAnonVA]

Ive become friends with a colleague from work, she's 12 years younger than me (48/36). Neither one of us has ever been married. Marriage was never a priority for me as I was constantly on the move for work. For her, work and caring for her elderly parents are the priority. We get along very well, have a very similar way of thinking, and share quite a number of similar interests. Having said that, we only get together every other month or so, usually when she's available for lunch.

She's a beautiful, intelligent, and outgoing woman and guys are always hitting on her. While friendly, she keeps them at a distance as it's really hard to gain her trust. However, she's made it clear that she does trust me.

I sometimes wonder if she might be expecting more than just friendship from me. That's somewhat odd as I think she's out of my league. On the one hand it would be easy to know, that no, she's not looking for more because if she did we would be meeting way more frequently. On the other hand, when we do meet is like not time has passed by, we end up have very deep and personal conversations.

Thoughts?

PS
No, neither one of us is gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

[Anonymous]

Yes, women and men can just be friends. Even when there's attraction involved, you can remain close friends without crossing boundaries.

If you want more, test the waters by inviting her out more. More lunches, a few happy hours. Increase frequency and then invite her to dinner if signs point to more. Lunch isn't a date. It's just lunch with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Are you just meeting for lunch during the work week or on the weekend?

If you are just getting together as colleagues during the work week for lunch, and that's the extent of your interactions alone, you are friends and most likely nothing more from her end.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a fun, great relationship. Continue and see where it goes.
No pressure seems like a nice thing.
She might just hit you over the head one day with a major 'hint' , who knows.

[Anonymous]

How do you know she isn't dating other guys?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I'm a married female. One of my best friends is a guy I met in grad school.

[Anonymous]

What makes you think she wants to become more than friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I'm a married female. One of my best friends is a guy I met in grad school.

How often do you think about doing him?!

[Anonymous]

Yes men + women can be friends, though unless one is gay I believe there will always be some sexual tension in such a dynamic. Just my opinion however.

This woman may enjoy the companionship you offer & likes the fact that you both can be friendly together w/out any sexual overtures involved.
Or:

She may see you as a potential mate.

This is a tough call because if you did make a move toward her and she doesn't feel the same about you, then you will have compromised a lovely friendship over it not to mention that work will be entirely painfully awkward.

Just continue your friendship and let the chips fall wherever they may.

Personally as a Female myself, if I felt some spark w/you...then I would want too see you more frequently.
I would also have to proceed w/extreme caution as well considering that we worked together.

Please keep us updated if you guys eventually end up dating!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I'm a married female. One of my best friends is a guy I met in grad school.

How often do you think about doing him?!

Half of one time. I have set him up with a couple of friends.

[Anonymous]

The answer is no. Didn't you ever see "when Harry Met Sally?"

[Anonymous]

I say, make a move. But I like to live dangerously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What makes you think she wants to become more than friends?

This. A lunch every other month is no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do. I think men & women can fall into "sibling" type relationships, especially if they've known each other a long time.

That said, it may be possible that she's interested in you. Perhaps try seeing her more often? Invite her to join you for a "date-like" event and see how it goes?

[Anonymous]

Of course it's possible. I have quite a few male friends. (And yes, when I was single or unhappy, I would consider the possibility of something more with them, but always kept the boundaries firmly in place. Because they are people I wanted to stay friends with). I'd say right now that you are friends. I would guess that the idea of a more romantic relationship has at least crossed her mind, but that she decided against it for some reason. As it has crossed yours but you're hesitant to make a move. (My 2 cents. Everybody thinks about sex. With pretty much everybody. It doesn't mean you can't have friends that you never actually have sex with.) Interesting that neither of you has brought it up, even offhandedly. If you have a comfortable friendship that you value but want a more romantic attachment, tread carefully and openly and honestly. Tell her you value her friendship; so if she's not interested, you are happiest to remain friends.