Ever feel like you can't talk about your interests?

[Anonymous]

Bc it will look like bragging?

Outside of work, a lot of my time is spent researching investments -- the markets; market shocks like Brexit; and then also things like potential rental properties, seeing potential properties etc. as I try to decide whether to jump into that world. It's not just about money, these are things I actually enjoy and have enjoyed since I was 18 -- i.e. if I'm at an airport looking for reading material to buy, I am 100% buying a book or magazine re finance, not a fictional novel.

Yet I don't feel like I can say a word about it bc people will view it as me saying OMG I'm soooo well off or on the flip side will be thinking -- how can SHE afford that, I don't think she does THAT well, doesn't have family money etc. I don't want to talk about MY finances, so in an effort not to open the door to anything financially personal, I keep my mouth shut. Which I'm fine with, except it makes it look like I'm super boring with zero interests and spend my downtime staring at the walls. And I also find it annoying that I can't say a word about my interests, yet I have to listen to friends talk in depth about how the bread they baked didn't rise properly or about how much work it is to grow their own peppers or whatever.

Anyone else run across this?

[Anonymous]

I think you just need to figure out how to talk about financial stuff in general without talking about your financial stuff in particular.

I'm not saying I'd be all that interested in an in-depth discussion on the market impact of Brexit (not my interests), but I wouldn't think someone was bragging because they talked about the market / investments in general.

[Anonymous]

DH is like this. It's been wonderful for us and our extended families as he's excellent at what he does and everyone benefits from his research.

DH & I discuss a lot between ourselves, but his real outlet has been via blogging and writing articles for Seeking Alpha, both of which generate healthy discussions and debates. You do have to be thick skinned - plenty of trolls, but also legit traders and investors.

[Anonymous]

I think that most people are boring when they talk about their interests, unless they're talking to others with the same hobby! I mean, if I ask about my friend's knitting, I'm going to be bored after a couple of minutes unless I also knit. Same with any hobby, including investing.

Maybe you'll be happier if you find some friends to talk invests with.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, because most of my friends have done some stupid shit with their money. Wasting it , bad investments, blowing trust funds.

I have just been steady in the market with my investments and live well compared to them. I feel very awkward when the subject of finances comes up and try to avoid any talk of it.

Before they blew their money we talked about it, but no more.

[Anonymous]

Well, it sounds like you decided on your own not to talk about your own interests, so you don't get to turn around and be mad at your friends that you can't. That's on you.

It's also on you to be able to talk about investing without bragging about money. It can be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, it sounds like you decided on your own not to talk about your own interests, so you don't get to turn around and be mad at your friends that you can't. That's on you.

It's also on you to be able to talk about investing without bragging about money. It can be done.

NP here -- It's not about bragging or not -- it's the fact that with certain people, if you talk about investing you will BE SEEN AS bragging, even if you're not. Something like Brexit -- sure -- you can talk about it bc it's world news. But if you are living in your SFH in Bethesda and you start talking about how you were out to open houses in Logan Circle this weekend to look at 1 bedrooms, don't you think most people would ask why? At that point you'd have to say it's bc you're looking to buy an investment property. Some people may find that interesting and want to talk about real estate trends, interest rates, rental rates, property mgmt etc. -- which I suspect is what OP wants. But you're kidding yourself if you think there aren't people out there who are insecure and/or competitive -- who will ask point blank how she can afford it; whether she has family help; OR they won't ask but file that conversation away and whenever OP's name comes up again will think -- oh she's rich; or oh she's showy about money.

I think you're being simplistic in thinking that it's all OP's fault for never talking about an interest when we all know people can get offended re money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is like this. It's been wonderful for us and our extended families as he's excellent at what he does and everyone benefits from his research.

DH & I discuss a lot between ourselves, but his real outlet has been via blogging and writing articles for Seeking Alpha, both of which generate healthy discussions and debates. You do have to be thick skinned - plenty of trolls, but also legit traders and investors.

+1 on seeking alpha. My father in law writes articles on there and he makes money based on the number of views. I'm a modest investor and don't understand most of what he talks about so it's good he has an outlet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, it sounds like you decided on your own not to talk about your own interests, so you don't get to turn around and be mad at your friends that you can't. That's on you.

It's also on you to be able to talk about investing without bragging about money. It can be done.

No, it can't. Not if you are very good at it. However, you can find a few people who you can talk to about it anyway, because they are in the same boat. It takes years to find, but they are worth their weight in gold. For me, it's a high school friend who owns the same type of business I do (I can talk everything with him and a large part of our friendship is inability to talk to anyone else), a good friend who is a partner in some of my ventures (but still I don't divulge all to her) and a second high school friend I recently started talking to again. An obscure conversation about top tax rates made us both realize that we both made over a million regularly. I've floated a balloon with a few others I thought would be in the same boat, including a doctor couple, with rare specialties and was wrong. In those cases it is embarrassing, but the loneliness of not being able to talk to anyone is worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bc it will look like bragging?

Outside of work, a lot of my time is spent researching investments -- the markets; market shocks like Brexit; and then also things like potential rental properties, seeing potential properties etc. as I try to decide whether to jump into that world. It's not just about money, these are things I actually enjoy and have enjoyed since I was 18 -- i.e. if I'm at an airport looking for reading material to buy, I am 100% buying a book or magazine re finance, not a fictional novel.

Yet I don't feel like I can say a word about it bc people will view it as me saying OMG I'm soooo well off or on the flip side will be thinking -- how can SHE afford that, I don't think she does THAT well, doesn't have family money etc. I don't want to talk about MY finances, so in an effort not to open the door to anything financially personal, I keep my mouth shut. Which I'm fine with, except it makes it look like I'm super boring with zero interests and spend my downtime staring at the walls. And I also find it annoying that I can't say a word about my interests, yet I have to listen to friends talk in depth about how the bread they baked didn't rise properly or about how much work it is to grow their own peppers or whatever.

Anyone else run across this?

Yes. Investing is my favorite interest. I'm am working with small amounts, but I enjoy it and I love talking money with people, not spending it, ventures, businesses, investing of all kinds. I am fascinated when people with knowledge open up about their collections and endeavors. I wish I could connect with sensible money people more often.

Mostly I am playing defense against people who are... Charitably... Not good with money. I don't talk about my enthusiasm then, but am just sort of fielding the things they say and trying to introduce some sensible ideas. I can't say it has ever worked, but you have to try, right?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes. I like to research travel and travel with my family. It's my favorite thing to do. I can't talk about it amongst friends or certain family members bc a few have told me it sounds like bragging and it makes others feel bad since they can't afford it or can't take the time off.

[Anonymous]

Start an investment club.

[Anonymous]

Maybe because sensible investment IS boring. It's like talking about your routine dentist appointments. Buy some low cost vanilla ETFs that reflect your risk tolerance, hold them a long time, you're done. If someone asks me for specific advice I'll give it, I don't talk about it otherwise because almost anything else is more interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe because sensible investment IS boring. It's like talking about your routine dentist appointments. Buy some low cost vanilla ETFs that reflect your risk tolerance, hold them a long time, you're done. If someone asks me for specific advice I'll give it, I don't talk about it otherwise because almost anything else is more interesting.

+1

OP, perhaps you're getting some uneasy reactions because your friends don't think your buying an investment property or attempting to time markets are particularly good moves?

[Anonymous]

OP. No one thinks you're bragging, they simply think you are a huge nerd who needs to get some real hobbies. Also, they are bored to tears.

Protip: a few of my buds are in the market for a condo now and I actually enjoy accompanying them on open house visits. It's always fun to see new houses and maybe nab a free cocktail or two while doing it. I'm not the envious type though.