Private adoption vs. using an agency

[Anonymous]

We're just starting the adoption process and are researching the pros and cons of private adoption with an attorney vs. using an agency.

Can anyone share their views on the pros and cons of each approach?

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Forgot to mention that we are only interested in domestic adoption of a healthy newborn.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Understand healthy is relative. We thought we were getting healthy and while our child is an absolute joy and we would have taken him either way, he has lots of developmental and other needs. Often birthparents are not honest about prenatal care and family background or just don't know.

Do both. We did two agencies and were with them several years and neither had anything to offer us but were happy to take our money. We also tried facilitator (I would not recommend it). We also did private on/off for several years and finally got a placement through private.

If you want an open adoption and better control over things private is far better. If you want a closed or semi-open with lots of support, then agency is better.

Its pure luck and timing and how much are you willing to spend.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

We used an agency because it seemed more reliable somehow.
The lawyer we spoke to on the phone wanted $400 for the first hour consultation which turned us off.
The agency we used handled everything we needed from beginning to end.

[Anonymous]

Agree that healthy is relative. The college-bound, religious, 17-year-old birth parents who never tried drugs or alcohol and are completely mentally stable and chose to place their baby for adoption are extremely rare--to the point of mythology. And even if you get them, you don't know how their child is going to turn out or how well the child will attach to you.

Beyond that, don't believe it's final until it's final. People can be completely set on adoption until they actually see the baby. Birth relatives can come out of the woodwork. Crazy stuff will happen. It will be expensive. But every way of having a kid is hard. Try to be ethical. Place that above your desire to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Our newborn was healthy, she is AA and we are white, Its not as simple as saying healthy or unhealthy. You have to be specific as to what drug use you are ok with if any, cigarettes, alcohol use etc. Minor disabilities vs major disabilities, its very specific.
YOu have to see whether you are ok with the BM having certain mental health issues, like depression, anxiety, adhd, the list goes on and on

So far our 4yo is healthy, bright and amazing. Her BM said she has depression and adhd. If DD has issues with those later in life we will do out best to handle them. A biological child has the same risks though so it wasnt an issue for us.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We have found an attorney but this attorney does not do matching, so we will have to do all the advertising ourselves. How difficult is this? It seems very overwhelming.

I guess agency doesn't appeal to me as much because there is so little control over the whole process.

[Anonymous]

In some states, its illegal for an attorney to do matching.

I would do both agency and attorney/private. You can get on Parent Profiles - don't pay for the upgrades - we did and it never helped, pay for google and other ads (and not sure what else are the latest in advertising/social media). You get a second phone number (get a real number not an 800) and use that. Make a website as well. Its very hit or miss and random luck. Its very time-consuming depending on the calls as some could be quick strange calls to serious calls to scammers (who keep you on the phone for hours).

[Anonymous]

Started with an attorney. After 6 months she suggested an agency. In 1 mo th I was matched with a healthy newborn. She is almost 3 now. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have found an attorney but this attorney does not do matching, so we will have to do all the advertising ourselves. How difficult is this? It seems very overwhelming.

I guess agency doesn't appeal to me as much because there is so little control over the whole process.

what control are you looking for that you think you won't have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have found an attorney but this attorney does not do matching, so we will have to do all the advertising ourselves. How difficult is this? It seems very overwhelming.

I guess agency doesn't appeal to me as much because there is so little control over the whole process.

what control are you looking for that you think you won't have?

OP here. My understanding is that an adoptive family can be penalized by an agency for declining a match and put back on the waiting list for a very long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Started with an attorney. After 6 months she suggested an agency. In 1 mo th I was matched with a healthy newborn. She is almost 3 now. Good luck!

Can you share the agency you used PP?

[Anonymous]

Wow, for people who adopted someone else's child, you sound like a bunch of ungrateful, very shallow people.

As someone who has placed a child for adoption, which was a beautiful, bittersweet experience, its a wonderful option. Please, OP, don't give up hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, for people who adopted someone else's child, you sound like a bunch of ungrateful, very shallow people.

As someone who has placed a child for adoption, which was a beautiful, bittersweet experience, its a wonderful option. Please, OP, don't give up hope.

You are lucky it was a beautiful, bittersweet experience. Ours was many years of hell trying to adopt with some horrible things happening after adoption. Its not being ungrateful and shallow, but not everyone gets an easy adoption experience or even adopts. I know several couples/families who tried for several years and gave up. We almost gave up.