How will I stay sane?!

[Anonymous]

Now that summer is here, our annual family vacation is on the horizon and this year I'm dreading it so much. My parents own a nice beach house in a small town where there's not much to do besides going to the beach, one of three eateries or an ice cream stand. As per tradition, they spend the summer there and have my sister, me and our families over for two weeks to "reconnect" and spend time together.

Last year, DH and I were able to get out of it because of work commitments. This year there's no way around it. And while I certainly enjoy being at the beach with my DH and DC without paying for a hotel, I just know the rest of my family will rile me up. My parents don't make living under the same roof with them easy in the first place. Add to that my sister who caters to them like they're her children and my BIL who resents her for it and behaves grouchily towards everybody because of that... Tensions will be running high. We put up with it for the kids, but it's a huge drag.

The thing is, I feel like most of the things that bother me are petty concerns, but I just know that over the course of two weeks my nerves will be fried because of them. It's daily routines like eating at 11:30 already and then needing to be quiet until 4PM because they're napping. It's not being able to open a single window in the middle of summer because the draft is out to get them. It's having to pay for their taxi into town because they're not able to get into our Jeep like it's our fault. It's constantly getting called out for dressing wrong, or doing something wrong, or behaving wrong. It's hearing my sister's constant running commentary on our father's latest bowel movements and colon health. It's not being able to talk about anything other than how miserable everyone's life is. It drives me crazy.

I know it sounds ungrateful, getting worked up over things like that when we get a (relatively) free vacation out of it, but it doesn't make being in close quarters with them any easier. I'm an introvert, I need my space and my time alone and some peace and quiet every once in a while. Just thinking about spending two weeks 24/7 cooped up with these people gives me anxiety. And because the town is so small there's not a lot of escape from them. Aside from the fact that any escape will be followed by being sniped at for being selfish and not spending enough time with them.

Has anybody been in a situation like that and would like to commiserate? Share your tips for not losing your temper and/or patience?

[Anonymous]

Two weeks is WAY too long. 3-4 days max. Life is too short for a two week vacation that is the opposite of relaxing.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, 2 weeks sounds nuts to me. Do your parents even want you there for that long? What would they say if you told them you can go for 4 days?

How close is the beach house? We do 2 short vacations each summer with the extended family. I seriously don't think the grandparents would want to be with us for 2 weeks!

[Anonymous]

Yes, they want us there for two weeks. Heck, if it was for them they'd probably have us with them year-round. After all why wouldn't they take advantage of the people they can guilt trip into running their errands and doing their chores.

It's a 10 hour haul each way, that's why anything shorter than a week doesn't really make sense traveling for as long for. And the destination is truly beautiful and charming. It's just the company that tests my patience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two weeks is WAY too long. 3-4 days max. Life is too short for a two week vacation that is the opposite of relaxing.

This. Exactly this.

Start gradually cutting the trip shorter and shorter. This year, say you need to leave after 10 days. Next year, 7 days. The year after that 6 days, etc.

[Anonymous]

It sounds miserable, but in the spirit of making the best of a bad situation, I guess I don't understand why you can't do more independently (or with your own family). You're an introvert--as am I--so being cooped up in a house with people is miserable. Why not spend more time on the beach? Grab a book and lay there for as many hours as you can. You don't mention if or how many kids you have or how old they are. If they're toddlers, I get that you can't lay around for hours, but you can definitely split "shifts" with your husband! And I get that there's nothing to do in town, but why can't you plan outings further away? If you're going to be there for 14 days, why don't you have at least 5 days pre-planned where you're going to go on an outing at least an hour away (again, only with the people you're responsible for or can otherwise tolerate). I understand that asserting such independence will probably offend others, but at least you won't be sitting around in the house with them while they're offended! And you'll be setting new expectations for future years.

[Anonymous]

You need to learn to say no and it starts TODAY. No one is going to die if you don't go. Nothing is wrong with you telling your family you can't join them. They will be mad but they will get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds miserable, but in the spirit of making the best of a bad situation, I guess I don't understand why you can't do more independently (or with your own family). You're an introvert--as am I--so being cooped up in a house with people is miserable. Why not spend more time on the beach? Grab a book and lay there for as many hours as you can. You don't mention if or how many kids you have or how old they are. If they're toddlers, I get that you can't lay around for hours, but you can definitely split "shifts" with your husband! And I get that there's nothing to do in town, but why can't you plan outings further away? If you're going to be there for 14 days, why don't you have at least 5 days pre-planned where you're going to go on an outing at least an hour away (again, only with the people you're responsible for or can otherwise tolerate). I understand that asserting such independence will probably offend others, but at least you won't be sitting around in the house with them while they're offended! And you'll be setting new expectations for future years.

This is great advice. Taking control of the situation, even in a small way, should make this much more manageable. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

You're an adult who is in charge of her own vacation. Your parents are going to be annoyed with you there or annoyed if you don't come. I would pick the latter. Or at the very least only stay for a few days. Is somebody holding a gun to your head?

[Anonymous]

Re-write your post from the perspective of your parents. Then from the perspective of your sister.

Do you have any more patience and compassion and gratitude now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they want us there for two weeks. Heck, if it was for them they'd probably have us with them year-round. After all why wouldn't they take advantage of the people they can guilt trip into running their errands and doing their chores.

It's a 10 hour haul each way, that's why anything shorter than a week doesn't really make sense traveling for as long for. And the destination is truly beautiful and charming. It's just the company that tests my patience.

I travel 10 hours to Indiana at least twice a year, kids and DH in tow, for five-day visits. (Travel day, two days at my parents' condo, two days at their lake cottage, travel day.) you don't have to stay one or even two weeks to make a nice visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two weeks is WAY too long. 3-4 days max. Life is too short for a two week vacation that is the opposite of relaxing.

+1

2 weeks is 9-10 days too many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that summer is here, our annual family vacation is on the horizon and this year I'm dreading it so much. My parents own a nice beach house in a small town where there's not much to do besides going to the beach, one of three eateries or an ice cream stand. As per tradition, they spend the summer there and have my sister, me and our families over for two weeks to "reconnect" and spend time together.

Last year, DH and I were able to get out of it because of work commitments. This year there's no way around it. And while I certainly enjoy being at the beach with my DH and DC without paying for a hotel, I just know the rest of my family will rile me up. My parents don't make living under the same roof with them easy in the first place. Add to that my sister who caters to them like they're her children and my BIL who resents her for it and behaves grouchily towards everybody because of that... Tensions will be running high. We put up with it for the kids, but it's a huge drag.

The thing is, I feel like most of the things that bother me are petty concerns, but I just know that over the course of two weeks my nerves will be fried because of them. It's daily routines like eating at 11:30 already and then needing to be quiet until 4PM because they're napping. It's not being able to open a single window in the middle of summer because the draft is out to get them. It's having to pay for their taxi into town because they're not able to get into our Jeep like it's our fault. It's constantly getting called out for dressing wrong, or doing something wrong, or behaving wrong. It's hearing my sister's constant running commentary on our father's latest bowel movements and colon health. It's not being able to talk about anything other than how miserable everyone's life is. It drives me crazy.

I know it sounds ungrateful, getting worked up over things like that when we get a (relatively) free vacation out of it, but it doesn't make being in close quarters with them any easier. I'm an introvert, I need my space and my time alone and some peace and quiet every once in a while. Just thinking about spending two weeks 24/7 cooped up with these people gives me anxiety. And because the town is so small there's not a lot of escape from them. Aside from the fact that any escape will be followed by being sniped at for being selfish and not spending enough time with them.

Has anybody been in a situation like that and would like to commiserate? Share your tips for not losing your temper and/or patience?

Of course there is- you say "No thank you, we already have vacation plans." If you can't do that, you are doing this to yourself.

[Anonymous]

1 - 1 week max. Make up some work commitments, for crying out loud.

2 - You can make the best of it for a week. Go set up the beach tent at 8am and hang out outside all day, taking turns watching the kids or reading a book. Anyone who does not want to play with kids or watch you read a book will go back inside. Plan a family event that does not involve dad's colon health. A game? Movie night? I get being an introvert (I am one!) but sometimes trying to manage the social interaction is easier than trying to avoid it.

My family does this beach week thing every year and some years are great. Some not. We all take turns cooking dinner. Similarly, we take turns having time out as couples too. I have 3 siblings, and there are NINE kids between us at beach week. So, at some point, we just pool all the children for the evening and one couple gets the evening or afternoon off.

[Anonymous]

One week is long enough