Any hope for me?

[Anonymous]

In a horrible marriage, husband is constantly berating me. Called me fat, lazy, stupid, worthless, nasty, etc. It's nonstop and in front of my kids. I know it's bad and I need to get out but I feel trapped. I'm mostly a SAHM but work when my younger son is in preschool. However that job isn't very reliable and doesn't pay much. I'm tried to wait another year to leave until my youngest is in kindergarten but things are escalating quickly.

I've been applying to jobs but haven't landed anything yet. The only full-time job I could find would pay barely over minimum wage and I wouldn't be able to afford childcare, an apartment, food, health insurance. Husband has brought up before that I need to get a job if I leave him because he won't pay child support. I understand that isn't legal but the time it takes to get him to start payments my boys and I will end up in a shelter. Any amount of child support I get wont be enough to afford a 1 bedroom apartment in this area.

I can move away from DC and probably find a job, fairly easy but then I move them away from their dad.

Is my only option to give my husband full custody of our kids? are there any services in montgomery county to help people like me financially? My closest living family member lives 600 miles away.

[Anonymous]

Move away and rely on the kindness of loving family members for a while. You need to be with people who love you right now. Take the boys. Who cares if they don't see their dad. He is an abusive jerk. Get away from him.

[Anonymous]

Hi. No advice, but wishing you well. I like to believe that where there's a will, there's a way. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Take the kids to live with family.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what kind of person tells the mother of his children that he won't pay child support but, in my mind, he's freed you from worrying about his rights as a dad.

I'd be the first person to say the real concern is for the kids, who should have a father in their lives, but he sounds very much like a toxic presence. More importantly, if you're the sole caregiver (and the only person who even wants to care for them, then their well-being is reliant on your well-being. Only you can fix this. If he treats you this way, they're next.

Stop looking for a good job and a good time to leave. Start making plans to get away to someone who can offer support while you get on your feet. In fact, 600 miles away sounds ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a horrible marriage, husband is constantly berating me. Called me fat, lazy, stupid, worthless, nasty, etc. It's nonstop and in front of my kids. I know it's bad and I need to get out but I feel trapped. I'm mostly a SAHM but work when my younger son is in preschool. However that job isn't very reliable and doesn't pay much. I'm tried to wait another year to leave until my youngest is in kindergarten but things are escalating quickly.

I've been applying to jobs but haven't landed anything yet. The only full-time job I could find would pay barely over minimum wage and I wouldn't be able to afford childcare, an apartment, food, health insurance. Husband has brought up before that I need to get a job if I leave him because he won't pay child support. I understand that isn't legal but the time it takes to get him to start payments my boys and I will end up in a shelter. Any amount of child support I get wont be enough to afford a 1 bedroom apartment in this area.

I can move away from DC and probably find a job, fairly easy but then I move them away from their dad.

Is my only option to give my husband full custody of our kids? are there any services in montgomery county to help people like me financially? My closest living family member lives 600 miles away.

Family Justice Center in Rockville, for domestic violence, but it sounds like this is emotional abuse, so I'd ask. It's a one stop shop for legal advice, protective orders, counseling, job counseling, therapy for you and the kids, housing leads. They can at least direct you to resources if this doesn't rise to the level of domestic violence.

https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/fjc/

Can you talk to a lawyer? They can lay out some options for you, like being able to STAY in the house with the kids, and yes, he has to pay child support. Potentially alimony but I wouldn't count on that. The attorney can file for pendente lite child support to keep you going while waiting for court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a horrible marriage, husband is constantly berating me. Called me fat, lazy, stupid, worthless, nasty, etc. It's nonstop and in front of my kids. I know it's bad and I need to get out but I feel trapped. I'm mostly a SAHM but work when my younger son is in preschool. However that job isn't very reliable and doesn't pay much. I'm tried to wait another year to leave until my youngest is in kindergarten but things are escalating quickly.

I've been applying to jobs but haven't landed anything yet. The only full-time job I could find would pay barely over minimum wage and I wouldn't be able to afford childcare, an apartment, food, health insurance. Husband has brought up before that I need to get a job if I leave him because he won't pay child support. I understand that isn't legal but the time it takes to get him to start payments my boys and I will end up in a shelter. Any amount of child support I get wont be enough to afford a 1 bedroom apartment in this area.

I can move away from DC and probably find a job, fairly easy but then I move them away from their dad.

Is my only option to give my husband full custody of our kids? are there any services in montgomery county to help people like me financially? My closest living family member lives 600 miles away.

What does this mean? Escalating to...? If the answer is violence, you and your kids need to GTFO right. now.

If the answer is anything else, you need to make plans to get out, but don't light your life on fire. If you leave your kids with an abuser, it could complicate custody issues later. If it's not an emergency, don't shoot yourself in the foot by treating it like one. Just quietly save money and make plans.

But honestly, since you've asked an anonymous internet forum for answers, here's some tough love: You're enabling this behavior. Tell him to STFU. Tell him that he's not allowed to speak to you that way, and if he insists on continuing that behavior, especially in front of your children, you're going to leave with the kids, let the world know the kind of "man" he is, and take him to court for every penny you're owed, plus a**hole tax. Then follow through.

You don't have to put up with some guy calling you names. Set boundaries. Stand up for yourself. That's an important lesson to teach your children, and you need to lead by example.

[Anonymous]

Could you get a job at a daycare?
It's not the greatest pay, but it's something and they usually are always hiring and very often they have spots for worker's kids.

Then apply for housing.

Contact a center they will help you set up a plan for yourself and your kids.

You can do this, OP.
You are stronger than you know.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't pay child support the state can garnish his wages, put a lien on his bank accounts and suspend his drivers license.

http://www.dhr.state.md.us/blog/?page_id=10276

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move away and rely on the kindness of loving family members for a while. You need to be with people who love you right now. Take the boys. Who cares if they don't see their dad. He is an abusive jerk. Get away from him.

Plus 1 million. Please ignore the meant troll(s?) On this board. (((Hugs)))

[Anonymous]

Ah, projection.

[Anonymous]

I would take the kids and move the 600 miles to escape this awful marriage.

If need be, apply for welfare, food stamps, Medicaid + WIC until you can secure a job.

He will have to pay you child support and perhaps alimony.

He won't get off Scot-free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a horrible marriage, husband is constantly berating me. Called me fat, lazy, stupid, worthless, nasty, etc. It's nonstop and in front of my kids. I know it's bad and I need to get out but I feel trapped. I'm mostly a SAHM but work when my younger son is in preschool. However that job isn't very reliable and doesn't pay much. I'm tried to wait another year to leave until my youngest is in kindergarten but things are escalating quickly.

I've been applying to jobs but haven't landed anything yet. The only full-time job I could find would pay barely over minimum wage and I wouldn't be able to afford childcare, an apartment, food, health insurance. Husband has brought up before that I need to get a job if I leave him because he won't pay child support. I understand that isn't legal but the time it takes to get him to start payments my boys and I will end up in a shelter. Any amount of child support I get wont be enough to afford a 1 bedroom apartment in this area.

I can move away from DC and probably find a job, fairly easy but then I move them away from their dad.

Is my only option to give my husband full custody of our kids? are there any services in montgomery county to help people like me financially? My closest living family member lives 600 miles away.

Family Justice Center in Rockville, for domestic violence, but it sounds like this is emotional abuse, so I'd ask. It's a one stop shop for legal advice, protective orders, counseling, job counseling, therapy for you and the kids, housing leads. They can at least direct you to resources if this doesn't rise to the level of domestic violence.

https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/fjc/

Can you talk to a lawyer? They can lay out some options for you, like being able to STAY in the house with the kids, and yes, he has to pay child support. Potentially alimony but I wouldn't count on that. The attorney can file for pendente lite child support to keep you going while waiting for court.

Not to derail, but emotional abuse is domestic violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a horrible marriage, husband is constantly berating me. Called me fat, lazy, stupid, worthless, nasty, etc. It's nonstop and in front of my kids. I know it's bad and I need to get out but I feel trapped. I'm mostly a SAHM but work when my younger son is in preschool. However that job isn't very reliable and doesn't pay much. I'm tried to wait another year to leave until my youngest is in kindergarten but things are escalating quickly.

I've been applying to jobs but haven't landed anything yet. The only full-time job I could find would pay barely over minimum wage and I wouldn't be able to afford childcare, an apartment, food, health insurance. Husband has brought up before that I need to get a job if I leave him because he won't pay child support. I understand that isn't legal but the time it takes to get him to start payments my boys and I will end up in a shelter. Any amount of child support I get wont be enough to afford a 1 bedroom apartment in this area.

I can move away from DC and probably find a job, fairly easy but then I move them away from their dad.

Is my only option to give my husband full custody of our kids? are there any services in montgomery county to help people like me financially? My closest living family member lives 600 miles away.

What does this mean? Escalating to...? If the answer is violence, you and your kids need to GTFO right. now.

If the answer is anything else, you need to make plans to get out, but don't light your life on fire. If you leave your kids with an abuser, it could complicate custody issues later. If it's not an emergency, don't shoot yourself in the foot by treating it like one. Just quietly save money and make plans.

But honestly, since you've asked an anonymous internet forum for answers, here's some tough love: You're enabling this behavior. Tell him to STFU. Tell him that he's not allowed to speak to you that way, and if he insists on continuing that behavior, especially in front of your children, you're going to leave with the kids, let the world know the kind of "man" he is, and take him to court for every penny you're owed, plus a**hole tax. Then follow through.

You don't have to put up with some guy calling you names. Set boundaries. Stand up for yourself. That's an important lesson to teach your children, and you need to lead by example.

You clearly know nothing about emotional abuse. Stop victim blaming.

[Anonymous]

I'm not an expert but I have doubts that a parent can unilaterally decide to move kids 600 miles away from the other parent. Definitely seek legal advice.