"sleep training" 7 year old with special needs

[Anonymous]

DS is 7 and since he was 3 I have lay down in his bed while he fell asleep and then come back in his room when I was ready to go to sleep. Mostly this started because I have terrible insomnia and between DH's snoring and DS crying for me several times a night there were just too many days when I was trying to function on a couple hours of sleep. DS has has mild but multiple developmental issues, as well as anxiety, so working to change the sleeping arrangement just hasn't been a priority (and frankly there were/are many things I liked about co-sleeping). But now I'm not working this summer and DS has made great improvements in many other areas so I think we are ready to tackle this one.

But how do I start? I know when the kids were babies the idea was to get them to bed "sleepy but awake" and then let them do the work of putting themselves to sleep. Is that still the way to go at age 7? We have a very consistent bedtime routine, it just ends with DS and I snuggling while he falls asleep and I read my phone. Do I just keep everything the same except now I leave at the end and then "check" on him in increasing intervals until he is asleep? He is very anxious about sleeping alone but we've already had a heart to heart about how "most big kids sleep by themselves" so I think he'll really try as long as I check on him rather than going cold turkey.

Then what do I do if he wakes up in the night? Back to checking? It's been a long time and I've given all of my baby sleep books away...

[Anonymous]

Bribe him with a toy. Tell him he gets a medium toy after 2 weeks sleeping without you, and a major toy after a month. Take him to the store to pick it out beforehand so he knows exactly what he's bargaining for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bribe him with a toy. Tell him he gets a medium toy after 2 weeks sleeping without you, and a major toy after a month. Take him to the store to pick it out beforehand so he knows exactly what he's bargaining for.

PP again. Also, promise to check on him, and then tell him the next day that you did. "When i went to check on you, the covers were on the floor so I covered you up" etc. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Bribery and start slowly. Let him fall asleep with you there, but don't sleep in the room. Let him know if he sleeps without you for 3 nights, he gets xxx toy. If he goes 7 nights, he gets xxx toy. If he goes a month, etc. Falling asleep with you there is ok, but not overnight. I'd get the anxiety treated as well.

[Anonymous]

Ask your doc about melatonin.

[Anonymous]

Have a conversation on what you're planning to do so there's no surprise for your DC at bedtime, e.g. why he needs to learn to sleep by himself, what you're planning to do after bedtime routine, and what he's going to get for being a being independent.

I started with laying down on the floor/stretching near the bed while DC was on the bed (instead of snuggling), then after a couple of days, move closer to the door (still inside the bedroom), then stay outside with door slightly opened so DC could see me partially, then close the door but stay the bedroom, and finally walk away.

The key is to be be clear with DC on the game plan, be consistent and don't give in. If your DC comes out of the bedroom, don't negotiate, keep neutral emotion, say one sentence "we already talked about .." and tell him to return to his bedroom.

Maybe letting him know that he can have a friend coming for a sleepover if he's able to sleep by himself can be an incentive?

[Anonymous]

This is exactly what we did for our 13yr old daughter with Down syndrome & Autism. It was given to us by her ABA therapist. I didnt think it would ever work, but surprisingly it did. After 13 years, she is finally sleeping in her own bed and without us.

Anonymous wrote:Have a conversation on what you're planning to do so there's no surprise for your DC at bedtime, e.g. why he needs to learn to sleep by himself, what you're planning to do after bedtime routine, and what he's going to get for being a being independent.

I started with laying down on the floor/stretching near the bed while DC was on the bed (instead of snuggling), then after a couple of days, move closer to the door (still inside the bedroom), then stay outside with door slightly opened so DC could see me partially, then close the door but stay the bedroom, and finally walk away.

The key is to be be clear with DC on the game plan, be consistent and don't give in. If your DC comes out of the bedroom, don't negotiate, keep neutral emotion, say one sentence "we already talked about .." and tell him to return to his bedroom.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks everyone! We started last night and DS is onboard with the plan. Hopefully I can post an update detailing our success in a few weeks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask your doc about melatonin.

Apparently that works for a few hours and then you're awake.

[Anonymous]

We honestly used tv. DS is very special and it pretty much takes him 12 hours to get 8 hours of sleep.
He only watches tv at night while going to bed (he really doesn't have the attention span to just sit there and watch tv) . It's not close to his bed and we set a sleep timer and set the colors to be a bit more muted. We do basic soothing shows like Teletubbies, Richard Scarry, Elmo, a singing zoo video, Wiggles. He falls asleep after maybe an hour? And now if he wakes up he turns it back on himself (and typically one of us turns it off in the middle of the night if we see it on and he's asleep).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a conversation on what you're planning to do so there's no surprise for your DC at bedtime, e.g. why he needs to learn to sleep by himself, what you're planning to do after bedtime routine, and what he's going to get for being a being independent.

I started with laying down on the floor/stretching near the bed while DC was on the bed (instead of snuggling), then after a couple of days, move closer to the door (still inside the bedroom), then stay outside with door slightly opened so DC could see me partially, then close the door but stay the bedroom, and finally walk away.

The key is to be be clear with DC on the game plan, be consistent and don't give in. If your DC comes out of the bedroom, don't negotiate, keep neutral emotion, say one sentence "we already talked about .." and tell him to return to his bedroom.

Maybe letting him know that he can have a friend coming for a sleepover if he's able to sleep by himself can be an incentive?

This. No need to bribe, but you keep moving farther away so your son can see that he CAN do it.