Overnights - how many days and at what age

[Anonymous]

Considering leaving my 17.5 year old for two or three nights. Next door neighbors will be home and I can schedule events together. My son wants to go to a good bye party to a close friend who is moving across country. Family has plans but he could stay home. Having Angst.

Facts. I moved out at 16 and have been on my own ever since. Son has never drank or used drugs or has never been alone with girlfriend - maybe would have had sex if opportunity presented but it didn't. We have GPS on his phone, he can care for himself, next door neighbors will be home and have him over for meals. But I'm having angst about leave my him home and deciding about two night s alone or three alone. I can't articulate a concern except maybe guilt about not taking care of a 17 year old.

Would you be ok with this and is three nights ok? Sorry for rambling

[Anonymous]

If overnight is not ok, then what happens next year, when he is 18, and possibly in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If overnight is not ok, then what happens next year, when he is 18, and possibly in college?

This!
I was left at home for overnight here and there since probably 16 and loved it. Made me feel empowered and adult. I never drank without parents, smoked partied or anything like that. Watched a lot of tv and ate junk food and stayed up too late.

[Anonymous]

Totally depends on the kid and their track record for handling responsibility. I would be fine with leaving a 17 year old for up to a week, provided they were comfortable with it and I had no specific reason to think it wouldn't go well.

[Anonymous]

Thank you everyone. I was thinking I was worrying too much. I can't even articulate real concerns.

[Anonymous]

We left our 17 yr old son (who is a Type 1 diabetic) alone for a week when we had to go out of town. He was perfectly fine. We assumed that since he was almost an adult, if he wasn't capable of taking care of himself for a few days, we had seriously messed up somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Soooo - just to throw this out there: I was a straight-A, high achieving in all areas, great athlete who had lots of leadership roles, model student etc. And every time my parents left me alone in the summers (which wasn't uncommon), I drank. A lot.

We lived far away from my friends (I was in boarding school during the school year) so it wasn't social. I was just interested in exploring alcohol and found easy access when my parents were away. My sister did drugs during these times -- she actually gave me some, and I tried a lot of drugs that I can't believe we had easy access to, but we did.

I am just putting this out there because I can see myself writing this post about DD, who is just a model good girl and high achiever and thinking all will be fine. Except I know my own history (makes me shudder, I should add).

The one good thing with trying everything early was that by the time I got to college, I hardly drank, did no drugs, focused on my academics and sports (I played two at the varsity level in college), and was highly successful. I now have a PhD so my early drinking and drug exploration didn't hurt me longterm, but it really could have - imagine if I had fallen asleep with a candle burning and burned down the house when I was as drunk as I was trying all the different kinds of alcohol in my parents' well-stocked cabinets (including enough vodka from the freezer that, when I refilled the bottle with water, there was so little vodka left that it actually froze and that was the only way anyone knew about my drinking).

Sigh. I both hate and am glad that I went through this because then I know what "good kids" can do when left alone.

[Anonymous]

It's natural to want to experiment. I did the same at my best friend's house. We were suppose to be studying for a test but her mom left us alone overnight. We decided to drink instead. It was my first time drinking and I drank so much I had a black out. I was throwing up bile and she dragged me into a cold shower! She was about to call the hospital. Needless to say I did not get an A on that exam. I think it might have a been a C. I was also a straight A student, went to Ivy etc.. I did not drink at all for 10 years after that incident! I tried drugs for the first time in my early 30's. Went on a bit of a binge there also but quickly got over it because coming down just felt too awful. The candle also almost did burn the house down when we were on drugs. It somehow melted through the holder and onto the wooden table. We were just sitting there watching it smoke before we realized it was about to catch on fire! The point is you need to have the drug and alcohol conversation no matter how "good" your child seems. If they are at all curious they will want to experiment.

Anonymous wrote:Soooo - just to throw this out there: I was a straight-A, high achieving in all areas, great athlete who had lots of leadership roles, model student etc. And every time my parents left me alone in the summers (which wasn't uncommon), I drank. A lot.

We lived far away from my friends (I was in boarding school during the school year) so it wasn't social. I was just interested in exploring alcohol and found easy access when my parents were away. My sister did drugs during these times -- she actually gave me some, and I tried a lot of drugs that I can't believe we had easy access to, but we did.

I am just putting this out there because I can see myself writing this post about DD, who is just a model good girl and high achiever and thinking all will be fine. Except I know my own history (makes me shudder, I should add).

The one good thing with trying everything early was that by the time I got to college, I hardly drank, did no drugs, focused on my academics and sports (I played two at the varsity level in college), and was highly successful. I now have a PhD so my early drinking and drug exploration didn't hurt me longterm, but it really could have - imagine if I had fallen asleep with a candle burning and burned down the house when I was as drunk as I was trying all the different kinds of alcohol in my parents' well-stocked cabinets (including enough vodka from the freezer that, when I refilled the bottle with water, there was so little vodka left that it actually froze and that was the only way anyone knew about my drinking).

Sigh. I both hate and am glad that I went through this because then I know what "good kids" can do when left alone.

[Anonymous]

Another A student, varsity athlete, did every possible extracurricular and held a part-time job, and. . . Spent every minute I could in an empty house with my boyfriend. Luckily never got pregnant, but boy did we try.

[Anonymous]

Dorm life and home alone are a different experience. Would you child wake up to a smoke alarm going off in your home? (My kids would never wake up to the landline phone ringing). How would they react to a true emergency like a fire on the stove? Those would be my concern.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 18 and 15 and we don't do this. Staying alone at home is not the same as being away at college in a dorm. For starters, this is my house, and I don't want groups of teenagers with collectively plummeting judgment here, with free reign over it. My kid has a good head on his shoulders, but all it would take is a phone call or two (and those people making a phone call or six) for a party to get started here.

[Anonymous]

Holy Moly, it depends on your kid. If the immediate next door neighbors will be there and having him over for meals (for regular check ins), I'd do it. They can also know if he is throwing a kegger if they are next door, and if not, ask them to drive by in the evening. If he is responsible, give him a chance to be responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 18 and 15 and we don't do this. Staying alone at home is not the same as being away at college in a dorm. For starters, this is my house, and I don't want groups of teenagers with collectively plummeting judgment here, with free reign over it. My kid has a good head on his shoulders, but all it would take is a phone call or two (and those people making a phone call or six) for a party to get started here.

When will you let your children grow up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 18 and 15 and we don't do this. Staying alone at home is not the same as being away at college in a dorm. For starters, this is my house, and I don't want groups of teenagers with collectively plummeting judgment here, with free reign over it. My kid has a good head on his shoulders, but all it would take is a phone call or two (and those people making a phone call or six) for a party to get started here.

When will you let your children grow up?

+1 (though I get being anxious at the idea of teenagers roaming around your house)

[Anonymous]

Is he graduating right now? If so, yes I'd let him. Have a nice firm talk about respecting the house and no drinking or parties or sex. Make him roll his eyes, but it helps him know that YOU KNOW that those things go on. Let him know the neighbors know you'll be gone and will be keeping an eye out. Then, if he's otherwise responsible, hell yes leave him alone for a weekend. He'll be fine!