Foreign Service and divorce

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering how divorced Foreign Service officers with kids balance seeing their kids and advancing their careers. If the custodial parent is based in the US with the kids then do you just see your kids on trips home or have you been able to base your career in DC until the kids are grown? Are there enough Washington-based jobs to do this? Would you be pressured to leave the Service if you kept staying in DC and declining overseas jobs for family reasons?

[Anonymous]

You can't be a foreign service officer and stay in DC indefinitely. There is an expectation that you will go overseas.

I don't specifically know divorced families but I know several families with kids with medical needs which prevented most overseas postings. In one case, the parent became a Canada specialist, which kept them close enough to keep their US specialists. In the other case the father would alternate between longer posts in DC and short term unaccompanied/hardship posts to places like Afghanistan.

[Anonymous]

one of the benefits of foreign service kids going to school internationally is the long school breaks over summer, a month for Christmas and two weeks for Easter. My child travels from overseas to the states twice a year for two weeks or so at a time to see her father that lives in DC. It's expensive and not ideal but they have a relationship.

Next year they are planning a fun vacation to Paris..

[Anonymous]

As a long time State employee, I can't imagine prioritizing my career in the FS over seeing my kid as much as I could. Most of my FS-1 and FS-2 colleagues are becoming miserable at the lack of good jobs at grade, and bidding is becoming a total crapshoot even for strong officers. You can stay in DC for up to six years, and a USUN tour restarts your clock, I believe.

[Anonymous]

Our neighbor is in the FS; his ex-wife lives in Denver. They flip primary custody every 2 years. So now he is overseas in Africa and sees the kids on holidays and breaks.

He expects to return to DC and the kids will come and live with him, flying to Colorado to see their mom on break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our neighbor is in the FS; his ex-wife lives in Denver. They flip primary custody every 2 years. So now he is overseas in Africa and sees the kids on holidays and breaks.

He expects to return to DC and the kids will come and live with him, flying to Colorado to see their mom on break.

That is so completely fxxked up. Talk about wrenching kids out of their comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our neighbor is in the FS; his ex-wife lives in Denver. They flip primary custody every 2 years. So now he is overseas in Africa and sees the kids on holidays and breaks.

He expects to return to DC and the kids will come and live with him, flying to Colorado to see their mom on break.

That is so completely fxxked up. Talk about wrenching kids out of their comfort zone.

Honestly, this isn't so different from being a military brat, except you aren't worried about one parent being killed while on an oversees tour (except for those few FS who are in hazardous posts) and you don't have to move as often.

It's not easy for a parent to have to take care of kids 24/7. If the wife moved to Denver where she has family support and job opportunities, then that is what it is.

And, FS officers have a clear career path, very stable safe jobs with good benefits. Plus, it can be a great experience for kids, whether they are living with the FSO or visiting often.

Not all of us get to grow up in the same leafy suburban house for our entire lives, but that doesn't mean we've had bad childhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't be a foreign service officer and stay in DC indefinitely. There is an expectation that you will go overseas.

I don't specifically know divorced families but I know several families with kids with medical needs which prevented most overseas postings. In one case, the parent became a Canada specialist, which kept them close enough to keep their US specialists. In the other case the father would alternate between longer posts in DC and short term unaccompanied/hardship posts to places like Afghanistan.

Hardship posts can be great for your career and pocketbook. IME, officers with experience in places like Iraq and Afghanistan advance more quickly. Plus, since many foreign service officers try to avoid these posts, when you take them, you are seen as having paid your dues when you ask for something you need. Also, spending time on hardship ties in nicely with taking State/USUN jobs depending upon what your specific hardship post duties were.

[Anonymous]

I know only one divorced FS family. One parent lives overseas and sees the kids a few times a year on their school breaks.

[Anonymous]

I pretty much gave up my career (not FS) to make joint custody work for our child. That is also an option.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? You can stay in DC for two rotations normally (so up to 6 years at a clip). DC jobs usually aren't super competitive to get (there are individual exceptions, but getting two jobs in a row in DC should not be a problem), because they're not great for your career (most of the time). At a push, you could do 6 years in DC + 1 year unaccompanied hardship post + 6 years in DC; however, that's really only possible early in one's career, because up-or-out will catch up eventually.

Best advice: it's pretty easy to transition from the FS to CS; many Washington jobs can be filled by FS or CS folks, so the person can probably keep a State job... and likely even do similar work to what they're DC-based years in the FS would have been like.

[Anonymous]

The dual FS divorced parents I know- take turns staying in DC with the children. It requires both parents to buy in the same school zone and cooperate with travel when the children are on vacation. I will also add that the FS contributed to the divorce inthe ones I know. In every case, it was when one of the couple had a suitcase mission and left for a year and the other was in DC for that year. For some it was back to back suitcase missions - each parent getting one that pushed them over the edge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be a foreign service officer and stay in DC indefinitely. There is an expectation that you will go overseas.

I don't specifically know divorced families but I know several families with kids with medical needs which prevented most overseas postings. In one case, the parent became a Canada specialist, which kept them close enough to keep their US specialists. In the other case the father would alternate between longer posts in DC and short term unaccompanied/hardship posts to places like Afghanistan.

Hardship posts can be great for your career and pocketbook. IME, officers with experience in places like Iraq and Afghanistan advance more quickly. Plus, since many foreign service officers try to avoid these posts, when you take them, you are seen as having paid your dues when you ask for something you need. Also, spending time on hardship ties in nicely with taking State/USUN jobs depending upon what your specific hardship post duties were.

And terrible for a marraige.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be a foreign service officer and stay in DC indefinitely. There is an expectation that you will go overseas.

I don't specifically know divorced families but I know several families with kids with medical needs which prevented most overseas postings. In one case, the parent became a Canada specialist, which kept them close enough to keep their US specialists. In the other case the father would alternate between longer posts in DC and short term unaccompanied/hardship posts to places like Afghanistan.

Hardship posts can be great for your career and pocketbook. IME, officers with experience in places like Iraq and Afghanistan advance more quickly. Plus, since many foreign service officers try to avoid these posts, when you take them, you are seen as having paid your dues when you ask for something you need. Also, spending time on hardship ties in nicely with taking State/USUN jobs depending upon what your specific hardship post duties were.

And terrible for a marraige.

Well, they're already divorced ....