Transitioning from 1 to 2 kids - tips, experiences?

[Anonymous]

Just curious how the transition from 1 to 2 kids were for others.

I am due with baby #2 and DD will be 2 yrs 9 months when he/she arrives.

A little background : I had a VERY difficult transition from 0-1, was 33 when I had her, used to living alone or just with DH for many years and just not prepared. Had a difficult birth, ended up with PPD, but had it treated immediately (I plan to BF again, and will most likely begin meds (zoloft) right away after the birth to be safe). Got over it and into a groove after a couple of months though and absolutely love the heck out of my little girl and just motherhood in general. I can be a little obsessive about routine though - DD thrives on one and for the first year I really protected the heck out of her naps and nighttime sleep - not sure how possible that will be for #2 though with a toddler running around and getting out to toddler activities.

I will be a SAHM - currently WAM. DD will remain in her Montessori program (full time) for the first 3 months after baby is here, then start 2 half days of preschool, so I will get a bit of an adjustment period of getting used to a new baby and staying at home.

Any tips? Experiences or advice? I'll take it all! I'm VERY excited about staying at home, but also nervous as to what to expect with 2.

Looking forward to hearing from experienced mamas (or others who will be in a similar position)!

xx

[Anonymous]

my kids will be 2 years 6 months apart and I am feeling a lot of the same things you are. I think the best thing is that you are keeping you dd in her program while you get adjusted to motherhood and then to a preschool program--a lot of people try the "why wouldn't you want your child with you ever second" nonsense..and it is nonsense since you need to put a scenario together for your family that works. I have a nanny who helps parttime and have asked if she could increase her hours in the first few months (she is semi retired) so I can adjust to two kids and get myself back in shape and back on a work schedule (I consult from home)--luckily she is on board. I think it's also important to manage the excercise because getting those endorphins going is a good tool to avoid PPD--and by all means..good for you on finding a med that works. The only thing I will do different with number two than number one is that I am going to try to accept help more. For some reason with number one I was a control freak and pushed everyone away--I see now that you can accept help from friends and family without feeling like you have to entertain. I had so many people who offered to come visit to help clean and cook and I just felt guilty so said no --no more!!!! Anyone who wants to visit and take my toddler out, clean my house or cook up a meal--the answer is yes please

[Anonymous]

I am also a big believer in schedules/routine - as much as that is possible. I've got two kids, about 2.5 yrs apart. I didn't have a set plan when the second was born but what I did do was recognize that infants are pretty "easy" and so I continued with my older son's routine (i.e., kept on going to play groups and classes). In the beginning the baby slept in the stroller and then later I'd pop him in the bjorn. Once the baby got bigger and started developing his own routine (morning naps, for example) our outside activities were around those naps. My toddler was fine b/c we had some nice one-on-one time and the baby was happy b/c he was sleeping in his crib and was well rested. Most of my friends tended to keep their second off of a routine and just let them sleep "wherever" but that has never worked for me nor my kids. I really do think the second is easier in alot of ways. You are more relaxed, know what to expect and have less time to be obsessive about the little stuff. I enjoy my second alot more I think because of that.

[Anonymous]

I'm absolutely struggling with this issue now, any more tips? How do you take one kid up for a nap without hauling the other one up every time? I want to start my 6 week old on a better sleeping routine but don't know how to run him up to the crib and work through the "getting used to sleeping in the crib" thing while the toddler is running around. Basically just feeling very overwhelmed and inadequate right now and thinking they'd both be better served if I return to work!

[Anonymous]

Firstly, I wanted to tell you that I too had PPD after #1, bad pregnancy, bad delivery.... #2 went much better. No ppd. So don't despair. I think once I knew I could be a good mom my confidence increased and I wasn't as terrified with #2. (My ppd was related to anxiety).

Anyway about naps. I try to have my baby take two naps, morning and afternoon. I try to schedule the afternoon nap after lunch. My other child, when she will nap, does so after lunch as well. So they go down at the same time, the house is quiet, and hey maybe mom can get a nap too.

LOL maybe they would do OK if you went back to work My professional day care providers sure do know their stuff. Even though I am a second time mom now and an experienced nanny in another life, they still keep me on track with gentle pushes when they think it's time for solid food, sippy cups, change in schedule, whatever.

It is good to miss the ones you love, and what a happy reunion we have at the end of the school day