Is it just the job? Or do I stop working altogether?

[Anonymous]

I really hate my job right now. Without going into too much detail, I have outstayed my welcome and feel like I am in a semi-toxic environment. It kills me everyday to drop off my kids at daycare just to go somewhere I hate. Needless to say, the stress of it is also impacting our family life. In the interest of maintaining my professionalism (and dignity), I have to stay through the end of July to finish up some projects I committed to months ago, but after that I plan to resign, whether I have a new job offer or not. We are in the process of figuring out whether we can afford to simply have me stay home full time, but that would likely mean the end of my career (at least in my current field). I had never planned to become a SAHM, but right now it sounds sounds blissful compared to my daily existence, even though it means giving up significant income. I feel so burnt out and demoralized that I feel like I will never be able to regain my professional confidence, and I also feel awful about the stress it is putting on my family. My question is, has anyone overcome this situation and gone on to success in subsequent jobs? Or is this life telling me that I need to slow down and focus on what is important (my family)? I suppose I am just looking for stories of people who have been in similar situations, what they decided to do, and whether they feel that ultimately they made the right decision. This feels like a scary fork in the road, but I know I'm not the first mom of young kids to get beaten up by the corporate gods.

[Anonymous]

Oh I can relate to you. I took a job that seemed like a dream only to work with a harassing, demoralizing monster. I worked insane hours, traveled weekly and never saw my DH (no kids at the time). It got to the point where I started to have anxiety attacks and placed major strains on my relationship and I had to go to therapy. It took some time, but eventually I just quit because my health and my family is way more important than any job.

My suggestion is to absolutely figure out how long your family can come on one income. Take some time to yourself and to rebuild as a family. Then start to search for a new job. If you are interviewing and it still feels wrong (and you can afford to SAH), I think you'll have your answer.

But nk matter what, get out of that situation. It's not worth it. Once you set that deadline of your last day, it'll be glorious! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

At the very least OP quit and stay home for a little bit to regroup. I don't know your field, but it's unlikely that taking some time to stay home (maybe a year?) would prohibit you from reentering the workforce after that. Having children gives you a natural 'out' for a gap that most employers won't blink at.

[Anonymous]

I was asking myself the same earlier this year, as the stress of my work environment was also effecting my health. I honestly think there are sociopaths in my office and I just don't have the personality to deal with people who get their jollies in life by screwing other people over.

One of my best friends encouraged me to expand my horizons and go for a new career - an industry that's uncharted water for me, but something I've always been interested in. Well, I got it and I just resigned from socioville. I'm SO excited and glad that I went for something new.

You know whether being a SAHM is something that you actually want. For me, it wasn't, but I was so overwhelmed by the need to get out, that I was entertaining options that didn't really make sense for me. I hear similar thinking in what you've shared. I'd encourage you to put the effort in that you need to get the job done at a solid B level, and channel that extra energy into getting a new job.

[Anonymous]

No advice, I'm in the same boat OP. Maybe my workplace isn't as toxic as yours but the people are generally incompetent, the org structure is not conducive to any kind of collaborative work, my boss has no time for me, and the company has been bought/sold/transferred within the larger corporate org structure so every time we get moved we end up with new management and starting from square one with projects. It leads to a feeling of always playing catch up, always having a fire to put out, everything is a crisis, and it's just not great for me right now.

For me it's the fact that my DS's day care makes him mildly/moderately sick with occasional bouts of acute illness but nothing too crazy, my husband gets sick about once every 2 months, but I've been sick since he started day care back in October. I have no immune system, apparently. I get EVERYTHING he brings home and way worse than they get it. I've had a fever on and off for a week. I've had bronchitis and pneumonia and constant sinus infections. I've had pinkeye despite my DS never actually getting pinkeye from day care. It's taking a toll on my mental health and I would be happier SAHMing it for awhile, but we really need my income. My income takes us from "paying the bills and meticulously watching our spending" to "doing well and being able to save for college and retirement."

[Anonymous]

Definitely not high-powered, but last I put my DD (then nearly two) into daycare in March of this year to take a job. I thought working would bring more balance to my life, but instead I was only more stressed out than I had been as a SAHM. I felt mournful that I was missing so much time with my very small child to work for not very much, in a non-stimulating environment. (To say nothing of the stress of getting three people out of the house every day, and the dinner/bath/bed rush. *Maybe* it would have been different if the job had been fabulous, but I'm not sure.

Anyway, only you truly know your situation. Best of luck in getting out of this toxic situation and figuring out what's best for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice, I'm in the same boat OP. Maybe my workplace isn't as toxic as yours but the people are generally incompetent, the org structure is not conducive to any kind of collaborative work, my boss has no time for me, and the company has been bought/sold/transferred within the larger corporate org structure so every time we get moved we end up with new management and starting from square one with projects. It leads to a feeling of always playing catch up, always having a fire to put out, everything is a crisis, and it's just not great for me right now.

For me it's the fact that my DS's day care makes him mildly/moderately sick with occasional bouts of acute illness but nothing too crazy, my husband gets sick about once every 2 months, but I've been sick since he started day care back in October. I have no immune system, apparently. I get EVERYTHING he brings home and way worse than they get it. I've had a fever on and off for a week. I've had bronchitis and pneumonia and constant sinus infections. I've had pinkeye despite my DS never actually getting pinkeye from day care. It's taking a toll on my mental health and I would be happier SAHMing it for awhile, but we really need my income. My income takes us from "paying the bills and meticulously watching our spending" to "doing well and being able to save for college and retirement."

That doesn't sound good... your health, I mean. Have you talked to your doctor about immune-boosting strategies or whether there might be some underlying immune system issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice, I'm in the same boat OP. Maybe my workplace isn't as toxic as yours but the people are generally incompetent, the org structure is not conducive to any kind of collaborative work, my boss has no time for me, and the company has been bought/sold/transferred within the larger corporate org structure so every time we get moved we end up with new management and starting from square one with projects. It leads to a feeling of always playing catch up, always having a fire to put out, everything is a crisis, and it's just not great for me right now.

For me it's the fact that my DS's day care makes him mildly/moderately sick with occasional bouts of acute illness but nothing too crazy, my husband gets sick about once every 2 months, but I've been sick since he started day care back in October. I have no immune system, apparently. I get EVERYTHING he brings home and way worse than they get it. I've had a fever on and off for a week. I've had bronchitis and pneumonia and constant sinus infections. I've had pinkeye despite my DS never actually getting pinkeye from day care. It's taking a toll on my mental health and I would be happier SAHMing it for awhile, but we really need my income. My income takes us from "paying the bills and meticulously watching our spending" to "doing well and being able to save for college and retirement."

That doesn't sound good... your health, I mean. Have you talked to your doctor about immune-boosting strategies or whether there might be some underlying immune system issue?

I've apparently always had a crap immune system. My mom had to stop working and pull me out of day care in the 80s because I was sick so often. Basically the only time in my life that I enjoyed pretty good health was after I graduated from college but before I had kids, sooooo about 8 years. I take extra vitamin D, a B-complex vitamin, and an "immune support" vitamin/herb blend but I'm still just on antibiotics constantly and I'm a constant presence at my doctor's office. It's bad but I don't know what else to do at this point.

[Anonymous]

MY husband went through this. He ended up being laid off, with severance, so took some time off. He really looked into other careers, but couldn't find anything at the time, since it was during the recession. He ended up back in the same field, but has been very happy in his new job, because the people are nice, even though he doesn't really enjoy the work. Sometimes, the people make all the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MY husband went through this. He ended up being laid off, with severance, so took some time off. He really looked into other careers, but couldn't find anything at the time, since it was during the recession. He ended up back in the same field, but has been very happy in his new job, because the people are nice, even though he doesn't really enjoy the work. Sometimes, the people make all the difference.

OP here. This is so true. I am in a field notorious for chewing people up and spitting them back out (think biglaw, i-banking, etc.). It's filled with sociopaths/bitter people. As a PP noted, this is leading me to consider all kinds of alternative careers in my desperation to escape ("the guy making my sandwich at Potbelly seems happy" I think).

Thanks for all the responses so far. This is helping me to see through the fog a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was asking myself the same earlier this year, as the stress of my work environment was also effecting my health. I honestly think there are sociopaths in my office and I just don't have the personality to deal with people who get their jollies in life by screwing other people over.

One of my best friends encouraged me to expand my horizons and go for a new career - an industry that's uncharted water for me, but something I've always been interested in. Well, I got it and I just resigned from socioville. I'm SO excited and glad that I went for something new.

You know whether being a SAHM is something that you actually want. For me, it wasn't, but I was so overwhelmed by the need to get out, that I was entertaining options that didn't really make sense for me. I hear similar thinking in what you've shared. I'd encourage you to put the effort in that you need to get the job done at a solid B level, and channel that extra energy into getting a new job.

Thanks. This really hits the nail on the head for me. Hard to think clearly right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice, I'm in the same boat OP. Maybe my workplace isn't as toxic as yours but the people are generally incompetent, the org structure is not conducive to any kind of collaborative work, my boss has no time for me, and the company has been bought/sold/transferred within the larger corporate org structure so every time we get moved we end up with new management and starting from square one with projects. It leads to a feeling of always playing catch up, always having a fire to put out, everything is a crisis, and it's just not great for me right now.

Sounds like my previous job. What a nightmare. When I finally freaked out, like full-blown meltdown, and called my doctor and set up appointments with therapists, my boss could not even be bothered to respond to the e-mail that I sent saying I was ill, my doctor has sent a note to HR attesting to the fact, and I would return on X date. Complete radio silence. Thanks for making me feel like a valued team member! I was laid off a few months later and after crying about it for a few days, I moved on to a much happier place. Took a huge pay cut, switched field entirely, and I no longer worry about my mental health or have anxiety attacks every other day.