Baby at Bar Mitzvah

[Anonymous]

We're attending a Bar Mitzvah with our 9 month old. We're Christian and have never been to one before. What is the proper etiquette for having a baby with you at a Bar Mitzvah? For example, if we need to make a bottle and feed him, is it okay to do that while we are sitting in the congregation? If we need to settle him for a nap, do synagogues have a vestibule where I could take him while he falls asleep, and could I then reenter the congregation? We do these things at church on Sunday, and I wouldn't think anything of it if someone did this at a baptism or church wedding, but like I said, we've never been to a mitzvah before and want to be sure we don't offend anyone!

[Anonymous]

Totally fine to feed him. There will probably be somewhere you can take him if he gets noisy or if you want to bring him for a nap, but you probably can't leave him there. If you can nap him in his stroller/car seat, and then bring it back into the service, that's ideal.

[Anonymous]

You should sit near the back and be prepared to walk out if he fusses. It's not about offending someone, it's about breaking the concentration of the 13 yr old standing on the "stage" trying to read from the torah in a foreign language.

You can not leave your baby somewhere to nap. If you want to take him out to settle him for a nap and then bring him back in sleeping you can do that. But if someone exits the sanctuary to go to the bathroom and comes across a sleeping baby in a stroller they will be alarmed. If you can feed quietly that would be okay, except that your formula is probably not kosher so I would find it disrespectful to do in the sanctuary. At least go to the lobby.

I always find it's best to err on the side of "too dressed up" and "too cautious" when you don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PPs! Definitely planning on sitting near the back.

To clarify, I was not planning on leaving him somewhere to nap. Just stepping out, rocking him, then re-entering with him in my arms after he is asleep (which is what I do at church...I don't just leave him in the vestibule to nap, haha!).

Good point about the formula not being kosher - I hadn't thought of that.

Anything else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should sit near the back and be prepared to walk out if he fusses. It's not about offending someone, it's about breaking the concentration of the 13 yr old standing on the "stage" trying to read from the torah in a foreign language.

You can not leave your baby somewhere to nap. If you want to take him out to settle him for a nap and then bring him back in sleeping you can do that. But if someone exits the sanctuary to go to the bathroom and comes across a sleeping baby in a stroller they will be alarmed. If you can feed quietly that would be okay, except that your formula is probably not kosher so I would find it disrespectful to do in the sanctuary. At least go to the lobby.

I always find it's best to err on the side of "too dressed up" and "too cautious" when you don't know what to do.

This one really depends on where you are going. We attend a reformed synagogue and no one will be wondering if your formula is kosher. As an aside, our temple has a crying room that would be suitable for your needs. You might want to ask the bar mitzvah family if one is available at their temple.

[Anonymous]

Formula is all kosher.

[Anonymous]

Some formula is not kosher but nobody will have an issue with it. If your baby needs feeding, feed that baby whatever it needs to eat.

[Anonymous]

Unless it's orthodox I wouldn't worry about formula. You can come and go quietly, especially with a baby.

If it's conservative, Make sure your shoulders are covered (no spaghetti straps). Don't use your phone in the building at all, even for texting or something silent. No battery operated or light up type toys.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, again. I won't worry about the formula.

It is a conservative synagogue. I was planning on wearing either a sleeveless dress that hits just below my knees with a cardigan or a short sleeve dress that hits just below my knees. Maybe even a just below the knee long sleeve dress. Have to see which one fits this post-baby body!

[Anonymous]

Is it really necessary to bring the baby? This day is about the young person and their commitment to their faith. Your baby will just draw attention away. I suspect that is what you want, but please do grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it really necessary to bring the baby? This day is about the young person and their commitment to their faith. Your baby will just draw attention away. I suspect that is what you want, but please do grow up.

What? OP don't listen to this person. That's crazy.

[Anonymous]

all formula is kosher, so don't worry about that. your outfit sounds fine. there will (probably) be other people with babies there too. I just agree to be prepared to take the baby out if s/he starts crying.

[Anonymous]

I took an 18 month old to a Bar Mitzvah (it was out of town, I had no sitter and my spouse wasn't with me), which I realize is a whole other ballgame from your situation. Anyway, I ended up spending most of the bar mitzvah out in the hall because he was making noise and shuffling around and I felt bad about people around us being distracted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it really necessary to bring the baby? This day is about the young person and their commitment to their faith. Your baby will just draw attention away. I suspect that is what you want, but please do grow up.

What? OP don't listen to this person. That's crazy.

Lol, don't worry, I'm not going to listen to the clearly batshit crazy PP.

Myself, my husband, and our baby were invited, and myself, my husband, and our baby will attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it really necessary to bring the baby? This day is about the young person and their commitment to their faith. Your baby will just draw attention away. I suspect that is what you want, but please do grow up.

Please don't listen to this person. Babies are welcome at Jewish life cycle events.