My Daughter's Reactions

[Anonymous]

My family and I have noticed something about my daughter and none of us have come across it before -- I thought that the group here might have some thoughts or ideas.

My daughter (just turned 7) seems to not know how to react without watching others first. For example, if something clearly funny happens she won't laugh automatically, she'll watch to see what everyone else does and then laugh with the group. We've noticed this in many other situations as well. My step-mom (who used to be a principal of a school for special needs kids - learning disorders, autism, etc.) said it was unusual and is concerned but it isn't something she has noticed before.

Do you think this is something to be concerned about? Has anyone encountered this? Outside of this, she's a typical kid.

Thanks for any insight.

[Anonymous]

No one can diagnose your kid over the Internet, however if this is the only "worrisome" issue, then I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Get her hearing checked just in case.

[Anonymous]

Is it that she doesn't know or she is scared of not conforming?

[Anonymous]

Do you have a sense of whether she doesn't know how to react or is worried that her natural reaction might be inappropriate? If the latter, she might just be a bit socially anxious. For example, when she's watching TV alone, does she naturally laugh at jokes? Does she pay more attention to others when she's in a less comfortable situation, like with strangers rather than close friends or family?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks all for your feedback.

I am not sure which it is ...if she is scared of not conforming or if she genuinely doesn't know what to do. I lean towards a fear of not fitting in only because she is somewhat preoccupied with being popular and wanting people to like her. On the other side of it, some times I feel like she is being inauthentic....reacting in a manner that she thinks she is supposed to rather than expressing how she feels. I am pretty sure she laughs at TV shows on her own but I'll pay closer attention.

Also, I really try to create a safe space for them (DD and twin sis) to express themselves and reassure them that whatever they feel is ok and help them figure out ways to express themselves.

I really appreciate the comments here and insights. I know no one can diagnose her over the Internet (nor am I sure there's anything to diagnose) but I figure this would be a good place to help me identify a red flag if it were waving.

[Anonymous]

Just ask her about it. Tell her what you have noticed and ask what she is thinking when she checks other people for their reactions. What if she is alone, like watching TV? Does she know what is funny and laugh when she should? It sounds like social anxiety to me. But just ask her.

[Anonymous]

No obvious red flags to me. She sounds like a kid with a different kind of humor than others around her and there's nothing wrong with that. It sounds like there's a delay in her joining in because she genuinely doesn't find any of that stuff funny but is smart enough to try to fit in by laughing.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like anxiety and low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all for your feedback.

I am not sure which it is ...if she is scared of not conforming or if she genuinely doesn't know what to do. I lean towards a fear of not fitting in only because she is somewhat preoccupied with being popular and wanting people to like her. On the other side of it, some times I feel like she is being inauthentic....reacting in a manner that she thinks she is supposed to rather than expressing how she feels. I am pretty sure she laughs at TV shows on her own but I'll pay closer attention.

Also, I really try to create a safe space for them (DD and twin sis) to express themselves and reassure them that whatever they feel is ok and help them figure out ways to express themselves.

I really appreciate the comments here and insights. I know no one can diagnose her over the Internet (nor am I sure there's anything to diagnose) but I figure this would be a good place to help me identify a red flag if it were waving.

It's a huge red flag for autism spectrum disorders. Girls with ASDs tend to be MUCH better at blending in and hiding their social deficits. They carefully watch the people around them and then imitate them. Their specialized interests tend to be in areas that are normal for girls, just not as intense as the girl with ASDs. They are frequently not diagnosed because they cope with their symptoms better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all for your feedback.

I am not sure which it is ...if she is scared of not conforming or if she genuinely doesn't know what to do. I lean towards a fear of not fitting in only because she is somewhat preoccupied with being popular and wanting people to like her. On the other side of it, some times I feel like she is being inauthentic....reacting in a manner that she thinks she is supposed to rather than expressing how she feels. I am pretty sure she laughs at TV shows on her own but I'll pay closer attention.

Also, I really try to create a safe space for them (DD and twin sis) to express themselves and reassure them that whatever they feel is ok and help them figure out ways to express themselves.

I really appreciate the comments here and insights. I know no one can diagnose her over the Internet (nor am I sure there's anything to diagnose) but I figure this would be a good place to help me identify a red flag if it were waving.

It's a huge red flag for autism spectrum disorders. Girls with ASDs tend to be MUCH better at blending in and hiding their social deficits. They carefully watch the people around them and then imitate them. Their specialized interests tend to be in areas that are normal for girls, just not as intense as the girl with ASDs. They are frequently not diagnosed because they cope with their symptoms better.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps "possible correlation" would be a better term than "huge red flag."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all for your feedback.

I am not sure which it is ...if she is scared of not conforming or if she genuinely doesn't know what to do. I lean towards a fear of not fitting in only because she is somewhat preoccupied with being popular and wanting people to like her. On the other side of it, some times I feel like she is being inauthentic....reacting in a manner that she thinks she is supposed to rather than expressing how she feels. I am pretty sure she laughs at TV shows on her own but I'll pay closer attention.

Also, I really try to create a safe space for them (DD and twin sis) to express themselves and reassure them that whatever they feel is ok and help them figure out ways to express themselves.

I really appreciate the comments here and insights. I know no one can diagnose her over the Internet (nor am I sure there's anything to diagnose) but I figure this would be a good place to help me identify a red flag if it were waving.

It's a huge red flag for autism spectrum disorders. Girls with ASDs tend to be MUCH better at blending in and hiding their social deficits. They carefully watch the people around them and then imitate them. Their specialized interests tend to be in areas that are normal for girls, just not as intense as the girl with ASDs. They are frequently not diagnosed because they cope with their symptoms better.

Yeah, I know. Somebody is always going to say "autism" on the internet. I get that. That really is a big correlation for ASDs in girls, though, and it really is worth talking to someone about. I would have her screened by a psychologist and then take her/his recommendations for further screening from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all for your feedback.

I am not sure which it is ...if she is scared of not conforming or if she genuinely doesn't know what to do. I lean towards a fear of not fitting in only because she is somewhat preoccupied with being popular and wanting people to like her. On the other side of it, some times I feel like she is being inauthentic....reacting in a manner that she thinks she is supposed to rather than expressing how she feels. I am pretty sure she laughs at TV shows on her own but I'll pay closer attention.

Also, I really try to create a safe space for them (DD and twin sis) to express themselves and reassure them that whatever they feel is ok and help them figure out ways to express themselves.

I really appreciate the comments here and insights. I know no one can diagnose her over the Internet (nor am I sure there's anything to diagnose) but I figure this would be a good place to help me identify a red flag if it were waving.

It's a huge red flag for autism spectrum disorders. Girls with ASDs tend to be MUCH better at blending in and hiding their social deficits. They carefully watch the people around them and then imitate them. Their specialized interests tend to be in areas that are normal for girls, just not as intense as the girl with ASDs. They are frequently not diagnosed because they cope with their symptoms better.

I think huge red flag is way, way, overblown for discussing this.

Yeah, I know. Somebody is always going to say "autism" on the internet. I get that. That really is a big correlation for ASDs in girls, though, and it really is worth talking to someone about. I would have her screened by a psychologist and then take her/his recommendations for further screening from there.

[Anonymous]

There are so many "huge red flags for autism" thrown around on DCUM. I would like to see some discussion of minor yellow flags sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Could be something as simple as relying on her twin too much to help her navigate socially--especially if, as you say, she is concerned about popularity. I'd make sure she has opportunities (on her own!) to try different things beyond her comfort zone and to have her own friends.