freaking out re: school choices

[Anonymous]

My DC (HFA and LDs) has always gone to SN privates. It's been a struggle, but this year has been amazingly successful, both academically and socially. We decided to move her to public school (with IEP)because we think she can handle it and there are big advantages to going to the local school (free, can make neighborhood friends, no long commute, same school as sibling).

But I'm starting to freak out -- she's successful where she is and feels good about herself -- why am I messing with success? On the other hand, we'll never know what she's capable of unless we try a more mainstream environment.

Someone reassure me that we're making the right choice.

[Anonymous]

What grade? Also some schools in public are better than others. Have you visited the school? Talked to the principal? Generally speaking, I think you are doing the right thing. You'll never know til you try! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

What age? And congratulations! If you, the school and your child think she's ready to move on she'll probably be fine. You can always move her back to private if you need to and it sounds like you have a good understanding of the local school if you have another child there.
Are you happy with your IEP? Are you prepared to supplement with private and do you have those providers lined up just in case? Sometimes IEPs look good on paper but the schools don't follow through and by the time you get it fixed your child is a mess.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Mid-elementary school. I am happy with IEP. I don't have outside providers lined up -- we haven't needed them in private. The public school has been great in helping us manage the transition.

But the classes are big and, possibly, friendship groups are formed. She will seem "weird" in a way that wasn't an issue in the SN school. But I do think some of that "weirdness" and immaturity will be moderated by being around NT peers.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry so much about friendship groups being formed as classes get mixed up each year. But I would try to have playdates with some girls during the summer so she has at least a few familiar faces the first few weeks and I would probably try to see if the counselor can set up a few lunch bunches the first quarter to help her out. Recess can be overwhelming and lonely for some kids in public schools and it would be nice if you could do something to help her get set up with a buddy.

I know that starting at around third grade kids seem to become more aware of their peers being "weird" so you're right that that's something to think about. But weird really differs by school. I was surprised to find out that at our school it is not weird at all to be brainy and spout weird facts. I was a little concerned when DD with ADHD was saying stuff like this but then I noticed everyone, even the cool girls, did the same thing.

If being weird upsets her and you find that she sticks out you may have to provide a little coaching in terms of steering her to interests that will help give her something to talk about with the other kids and her dress. If she doesn't mind being weird I would encourage her to embrace it. I would love to have a kid who is confident enough to be herself and not worry about having to fit in.

[Anonymous]

There always "quirky" kids in the class. Good luck, to you and DD, OP. Don't stress about this. Enjoy the summer and start making plans for the the dough you'll save on tuition!