Possibly moving to a conservative area with a L/B DD

[Anonymous]

My DD is 14. She identifies as Bi, but has only had crushes on girls. She has not dated yet. I have no problems with it; grandkids would be nice in 15 years (assuming I am alive then), but I am more concerned with her being happy.

To complicate matters, though, I have been offered a job -- much more senior than my current job, pay a little higher, but much lower cost of living, in a socially conservative area. Financially, as a family, we will be way ahead. For what our current sh*t shack is worth, we could buy a waterfront McMansion. (more likely, we would get a nicer house at half the cost of our current house).

The issue, though, is I look into the local school system. I do not know how accepting they are, but know the school board voted against LGBT job protections for educators. I do not want to move into what would be a bad scene for my DD. I am looking for suggestions to determine the truth about the schools (as opposed to the school board which can be dominated by a small minority of voters).

[Anonymous]

School is about education, not sexuality, crushes and dating. Does not matter what the school board thinks or votes. Your daughter is also at a age that if she is able to identify as bi or gay, then she is able to speak up for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School is about education, not sexuality, crushes and dating. Does not matter what the school board thinks or votes. Your daughter is also at a age that if she is able to identify as bi or gay, then she is able to speak up for herself.

This is bad advice. School is also an important part of socialization, and is OP's DD is ostracized by the institution for being gay, she may also be ostracized but an intolerant student body.

OP, why don't you post the city? People on here may have experience with it.

[Anonymous]

If you will be better off financially, is there the possibility of her attending a more liberal private school? An advantage of you not being there yet is you can choose the location of your house based on whichever school you decide on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School is about education, not sexuality, crushes and dating. Does not matter what the school board thinks or votes. Your daughter is also at a age that if she is able to identify as bi or gay, then she is able to speak up for herself.

This is bad advice. School is also an important part of socialization, and is OP's DD is ostracized by the institution for being gay, she may also be ostracized but an intolerant student body.

OP, why don't you post the city? People on here may have experience with it.

+1 Terrible advice.

I (bi) moved from DC to North Carolina at thirteen. Absolutely miserable trying to make sense of a totally different culture - at an already difficult age. Homophobia was the only way. That was over fifteen years ago, and I know things have changed, but please don't underestimate the impact of culture shock regardless of your daughter's sexual orientation.

[Anonymous]

I think all my kids are straight but wouldn't move to a conservative area even if I were childless. We vote with our money, and I'd rather be poor living in an open-minded community than well off in a closed minded one.

For most things I am all for pushing kids to be independent but come to a screeching halt at tossing them out there to defend their sexuality. We have no idea what kind of discrimination she might face, and won't know until it's happening. It could be "I never met a gay before" but it could be kids surrounding her and nodding while one tells her she's going to hell, it could be guys raping her while saying she just needs to feel what real sex is like to make her like boys, to teachers telling her they're not allowed to kick her out of class but if they could they would.

A 14 yr old should not have to deal with that. Change sexuality to race for a second- if the area were hostile to blacks would you make a black 14 yr old live there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School is about education, not sexuality, crushes and dating. Does not matter what the school board thinks or votes. Your daughter is also at a age that if she is able to identify as bi or gay, then she is able to speak up for herself.

This is bad advice. School is also an important part of socialization, and is OP's DD is ostracized by the institution for being gay, she may also be ostracized but an intolerant student body.

OP, why don't you post the city? People on here may have experience with it.

Because it is a smallish city; I do not want to out my daughter. I am not asking for the answer, but rather trying to figure out how to get the answer

[Anonymous]

Does the school have a website that lists the clubs? See if there's a GSA. You might also check the GLSEN network as they very well may have a list of GSAs by state. You might even be able to find the name of the advisor for the potential new school's GSA to reach out to (or maybe a counselor there?).

The school board may be terrible but that doesn't mean that the school itself is an unwelcome place. I mean, it sounds like the chances are high, but you never know.

I think GLSEN is a good place to start. GL to you and your DD.

[Anonymous]

We struggled with this too. DH had a job offer in the Midwest and we decided to stay put because it's so much more socially conservative. (We lived there before.) being a teenager is hard enough, and being a LGBT teen without a support group sounds miserable.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I think you being aware and supportive of your DD goes a long way, even if you do wind up in a conservative area.

[Anonymous]

What part of NC? I know NC has become more liberal over the last couple of decades, mostly due to an influx of educated workers.

Small towns tend to be conservative everywhere outside of New England. Some of the most conservative areas on Earth are within a couple of hours of Los Angeles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What part of NC? I know NC has become more liberal over the last couple of decades, mostly due to an influx of educated workers.

Small towns tend to be conservative everywhere outside of New England. Some of the most conservative areas on Earth are within a couple of hours of Los Angeles.

OP. Not NC, but central Florida.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School is about education, not sexuality, crushes and dating. Does not matter what the school board thinks or votes. Your daughter is also at a age that if she is able to identify as bi or gay, then she is able to speak up for herself.

+100

Assuming there are decent public schools in the are, DD will be fine. At any rate, you can't shield her from the world forever.

You may have problems with good privates. Our school explicitly does not admit kids with same-sex parents, as an example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ur school explicitly does not admit kids with same-sex parents, as an example.

Religious school, I assume?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ur school explicitly does not admit kids with same-sex parents, as an example.

Religious school, I assume?

Not overtly. They proclaim Christian values, but the staff/curriculum/enrichment are secular.