When to meet boyfriend's friends?

[Anonymous]

I feel silly asking this, but I'm a 40 year old divorced woman with tween child, dating a man who lives about 45 minutes away. So not close enough that we plan a lot of spontaneous stuff, but not too far either. We see each other about twice a week. We've been dating for about 2.5 months and I have yet to meet any of his friends. He's only met a few of mine in passing, but I've invited him to other events with friends and he has declined. He has an active social life of his own, but has not yet included me in anything with his friends. I feel like when I was dating pre-marriage (granted, a long time ago now), I would meet my boyfriends' friends rather quickly. What's normal for this age group? Is there a certain point I should start to worry?

[Anonymous]

I think this is one of those things one does not worry about. If it happens it happens, if it does not and it really bothers you break it off.

-- Signed, a guy who wishes he had friends. One.

[Anonymous]

I dated a girl about 40 minutes away for about 6 months. We met every other weekend when her kids were with their father. The texting and phone calls were non-stop during the whole time. I guess she had commitment issues because after she brought up the idea of meeting friends and after she started talking about meeting my family and I agreed she ghosted me. Like the PP said.... if it happens it happens.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he doesn't want to show you off or include you in anything. Just a good time every now and then

[Anonymous]

I'm 40 and divorced and been dating someone for almost a year. We have yet to meet each other's friends. Schedule wise it is complicated enough to find time for us so when we do, it's been just us. It does feel weird but I don't feel insecure about it. We both have kids and between custody and kid events and doing stuff for on our own, it leaves very little time. I guess this is dating as a divorced parent with young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40 and divorced and been dating someone for almost a year. We have yet to meet each other's friends. Schedule wise it is complicated enough to find time for us so when we do, it's been just us. It does feel weird but I don't feel insecure about it. We both have kids and between custody and kid events and doing stuff for on our own, it leaves very little time. I guess this is dating as a divorced parent with young kids.

I'm separated and the activation energy for getting back 'out there' is low. But this thread makes it seem dating with young kids is very hard work.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would find it a bit unusual to not meet his buddies.

But I find it more unusual that he doesn't seem very interested in meeting yours.

[Anonymous]

I think part of it is scheduling with kids that it is hard enough to find time just for the two of you - do you really want to do a group event? It also can be hard scheduling events with friends when you have kids and sometimes you want to spend that time catching up without significant others. I think I would want a friend to meet him early in the exclusive dating process like 2-4 months of dating. As much so someone else has seen this guy other than me and if I am missing some obvious red flag I can get clued in. The big group meetup like a Super Bowl party, I would wait 6 months. I feel like that six months is a big re-evaluation point and would want to make sure we made it atleast that far before he was part of group events. I know though other people play it differently and will bring someone they haven't known that long to a work event, wedding, hang out with friends etc so they have someone with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would find it a bit unusual to not meet his buddies.

But I find it more unusual that he doesn't seem very interested in meeting yours.

Bingo. Sound like he wants to keep it casual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel silly asking this, but I'm a 40 year old divorced woman with tween child, dating a man who lives about 45 minutes away. So not close enough that we plan a lot of spontaneous stuff, but not too far either. We see each other about twice a week. We've been dating for about 2.5 months and I have yet to meet any of his friends. He's only met a few of mine in passing, but I've invited him to other events with friends and he has declined. He has an active social life of his own, but has not yet included me in anything with his friends. I feel like when I was dating pre-marriage (granted, a long time ago now), I would meet my boyfriends' friends rather quickly. What's normal for this age group? Is there a certain point I should start to worry?

Did you meet him on OkCupid?

[Anonymous]

Given the logistics of just the two of you getting together - I wouldn't expect that you would meet friends for a while. I don't see it as a red flag. 2.5 months is nothing.

If after six months you haven't met anyone, I think it's ok to ask. Or whenever you decide that you are "serious."

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he's single?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Positive he's single, didn't meet him on OkCupid, but another online site. We text/Facetime every day, so there is a daily connection. I'll give it a few more months and then bring it up. Thanks for the feedback!