Should I tell my foster daughter I'm pregnant?

[Anonymous]

We have an 8 yo foster daughter. It's likely that she will leave this summer (likely before I'm 20 weeks and very likely before 25 weeks).
My hesitation is that she is already processing a lot in her life, so I feel like I should keep life as simple as possible. I don't want her to feel like she'll never meet the baby or worry about how the baby will affect her (since it won't due to the timing of her leaving and the baby not coming until late December, but I'm not sure that would keep her from worrying). How would she feel about me growing a baby she'll never know? She's a worrier and can be emotionally volatile.

She's not very observant, so I would be surprised if she figured it out on her own (she's also ESL, so there is a language barrier as well- it would be unlikely for her to overhear someone discussing it and understand them).

However it feels wrong to keep something this big from a family member.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I'd wait. If it becomes unavoidable, then have the convo

[Anonymous]

What does her social worker think?

[Anonymous]

I would hold off.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for no.

[Anonymous]

Probably no. Does your pregnancy have anything to do with why she's leaving? Does she know she's leaving?

[Anonymous]

No. I know many parents who don't even tell their biological kids until far into the pregnancy for lots of reasons. Seems like this will only cause problems for you guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably no. Does your pregnancy have anything to do with why she's leaving? Does she know she's leaving?

She knows her case goal is to reunite with her family. The pregnancy has nothing to do with her transition, her case goal is supposed to be completed (as in transition made) this summer, before the new school year starts. She wants to go back to her family.

Thanks all, I will follow my gut and not burden her with this news.

[Anonymous]

Don't tell her.

[Anonymous]

Agree, no reason to tell her and possibly worry her.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you talk to her or your social worker about this? That is what they are there for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably no. Does your pregnancy have anything to do with why she's leaving? Does she know she's leaving?

She knows her case goal is to reunite with her family. The pregnancy has nothing to do with her transition, her case goal is supposed to be completed (as in transition made) this summer, before the new school year starts. She wants to go back to her family.

Thanks all, I will follow my gut and not burden her with this news.

I think your gut is right on. However, case goals can be delayed, and she may find out before going. Then you can explain to her (possibly with the help of her social worker) that a baby will be joining the family. No need to worry about when the baby is coming, and you really can take things one day at a time.