Do we offer to reciprocate?
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Anonymous
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DH and I met a new couple recently and they invited us on Saturday to join them for dinner at their country club while our children hung out at their house. When we got to their house, they had already ordered (and paid for) food for the children, and when we got to the club, they gave their family number each time we ordered drinks or dinner - there was no option for us to pay anything. We offered to split the bill in the end and they declined.
Now we aren't sure what to do. We don't know them well - DH and I had each met the husband or wife only once or twice before. We don't belong to a club so we can't invite them to ours in return. Do we invite them out to dinner as our guests? Do we invite them over and I cook (I'm a good cook but it would still be dinner at home as opposed to their fancy club)? Do we just say thank you and wait a while before suggesting another date? We are relatively new in our town and they are old establishment, so they already have loads of friends whereas we are just making friends. They are nice and we enjoyed their company, but we would not likely suggest another date right away except for the feeling that we should reciprocate. Thoughts on how we should proceed? Our child will likely see theirs soon - the girls are same age and really enjoyed each other (and play the same sport though not on the same team) so they will definitely run into each other. Thanks for suggestions. |
Anonymous
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I think they're trying to be friendly and help you network and make new friends.
Yes I would reciprocate within the next few months. Have dinner at your house and/or a playdate for the kids. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the PP. Just have them over for dinner at some point. |
Anonymous
| Dinner at your house is an appropriate reciprocation. |
Anonymous
yep, this. Doesn't need to be fancy. Back yard bbq. |
Anonymous
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It would be weird to suddenly ask them out to dinner and offer to treat them too.
They may assume that you & your husband felt obligated to even up the score. I like the idea of a home-cooked dinner party at your house. Or if the weather is good, a backyard BBQ party would be an awesome idea too! |
Anonymous
| Dinner at home |
Anonymous
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It was nice of them to do this for you.
At my parent's country club, they had to spend a certain amount monthly. They would usually take another couple once or twice a month. This was a kind of rural area, not local to DC. So things may vary here. I'd agree dinner at your home at some point (after you get settled) would be a fine reciprocation, as well as a sincere verbal "Thank you!" |
Anonymous
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I would set something up for the kids
and separately suggest they come over for dinner - and take it from there. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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There's a system of monthly food obligations that comes with a club membership, OP. I've had people invite me out, who explicitly shared that they needed to fill out the remainder of their allotment. My BFF's mom has had to use her number for meals so she'd meet her monthly. My friend almost never entertains at her club, so her mom helps by using her account. It's part of their lifestyle, and it was a really friendly thing to do. In that spirit, invite them over for dinner when it makes sense to do so. Man, over the years I've been invited to some of the most upscale events you could imagine. I'm not in a position to offer the same in return. They let me into their lives, I let them into mine. It surely looks different and that's okay. It's still friendship. Congrats on making new friends!! |
LoveLiveMusicDad
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We do this for other couples a lot. Just embrace it. Do not score card. You can't match them and you'll begin to resent their friendship. Sometimes people with means are really appreciative and live for the good times and good friends.
We tailgate at games with people all the time expecting nothing in return. It's the moment spending time with you in something I like that makes it special. Just thank them and... Instead, find something you do really well and invite them to it. If you cook a particular thing well, invite them over and explain how/why you enjoy doing it. They'll be interested in your passion for it. Even if it's playing Cards Against Humanity over a couple of bottles of wine, they will look at you as "genuine friends" not like others in their circle who need to "purchase friendship." |
LoveLiveMusicDad
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| Oh and one more thing...send them a hand written thank you note. You will be AMAZED how well this goes over. |
Anonymous
| Just invite them over for dinner. |