Coworker is so mean

[Anonymous]

I have a coworker who I used to share an office with. She doubted my abilities from day one and I've really had to prove myself. Anyway, we ended up being "friends". We no longer get along (long story). Problem is now she knows a lot about me, my weaknesses, etc and uses them against me. She also started a vicious rumor about me and I feel uncomfortable around a lot of other people at work because of it ( I also have a lot of resentment against her). I know how much influence she has so I try to make nice because I don't want to be on her bad-side anymore. Everyday at work is exhausting due to this. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. Do you mind sharing a few more details so that we can help you?

[Anonymous]

You need to share more details. How much you have to deal with her, the levels you each work at, and the nature of the rumor (is it something that HR can do something about? Is it related to your work quality?) all matter.

[Anonymous]

You need to call her out. You need to list what she's doing, and tell her how poorly it reflects on HER. Don't tell her it embarrasses you or makes you cry or anything. Just keep talking about how badly it makes HER look.

Then point out it reflects poorly on her to the company and you both have the same goal at work - to make sure the company is successful. Because if it's not, they lay people off and that would affect you both negatively. Then wrap up by saying "How do you propose we work together and move forward?"

[Anonymous]

Are you the one that posted before about someone starting a rumor that you had the hots for your boss or that you slept with him?

Too late know, but work friends should not be real friends. In the future don't put yourself in the position where someone at work knows that much about you.

[Anonymous]

Don't try to "make nice". That obviously isn't working for you.
Limit your conversations with her as much a possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't try to "make nice". That obviously isn't working for you.
Limit your conversations with her as much a possible.

This worked for me. I scheduled things away from a shared space when I could. In addition, I've had success confronting bullying behavior straight on, not agressively, but in a matter of fact way that points out the subversiveness. I also kept a record and sent emails when incidents happened to MYSELF so if I ever felt it escalated or the need to bring it up with supervisors that there would be a long history of behavior and not one or two things which someone might claim I had hurt feelings or other minimalizing brush offs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a coworker who I used to share an office with. She doubted my abilities from day one and I've really had to prove myself. Anyway, we ended up being "friends". We no longer get along (long story). Problem is now she knows a lot about me, my weaknesses, etc and uses them against me. She also started a vicious rumor about me and I feel uncomfortable around a lot of other people at work because of it ( I also have a lot of resentment against her). I know how much influence she has so I try to make nice because I don't want to be on her bad-side anymore. Everyday at work is exhausting due to this. Any suggestions?

That's harassment. Why can't that be addressed with a superior or HR?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't try to "make nice". That obviously isn't working for you.
Limit your conversations with her as much a possible.

This worked for me. I scheduled things away from a shared space when I could. In addition, I've had success confronting bullying behavior straight on, not agressively, but in a matter of fact way that points out the subversiveness. I also kept a record and sent emails when incidents happened to MYSELF so if I ever felt it escalated or the need to bring it up with supervisors that there would be a long history of behavior and not one or two things which someone might claim I had hurt feelings or other minimalizing brush offs.

Agree

[Anonymous]

OP you sound really young - under 30 for sure.

This is not that unusual of a situation to find yourself in, just chalk it up to a hard lesson learned.

If someone treats you like shit from the start, they are a shitty person by nature -that is their true character! Don't ever trust anyone like this, ever!

Time to move on from this job before its too late.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the type of rumor. This could be sexual harassment or gender harassment. It could have racial overtones.

[Anonymous]

Why are you sharing a space?