Boyfriend's dad passed away. Not sure what my role is.

[Anonymous]

He was ill so it was expected.
Boyfriend I haven't been dating for a long time, just under 3 months. I don't really know his family well.
We're only in our 20s. I'm 24 and haven't dealt with this kind of thing before.
Currently at his place, watching Netflix. He's not crying which is strange I guess, but I wouldn't really know what to say if he did.
He's asked me to stay the night, which I can, but I'm a little worried about work tomorrow.
The last few weeks I've helped boyfriend out with food, his dog, and taking care of his place, but I'm not sure what else to do.
I'm also not sure what I should with regards to his family. I don't know them well.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're doing it right.

Other than possibly attend a funeral with him and deal with his family a bit, I don't think there is much for you to do. Just be there if he needs you. Let him handle it how he needs to (within reason). The ball's really in his court.

[Anonymous]

Don't be surprised if he wants sex. That's not weird - it's normal to want to have sex after someone's died - it's like a life-affirming thing.

Say "I'm so sorry for your loss" to any family members you meet. If you met the dad and can say anything nice about him say it. If you didn't meet him just say things that are generic like "he sounds like he was a wonderful man" or "he helped raise a fabulous son".

Keep shoving food on them and taking care of the dog and house.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me when my now husband and I were dating. However, we were serious at the time so I just took my cues from him. He wanted me to travel with him to the funeral and everything, which I did. Fo me, it was the first time I had ever been involved that closely with a death/ funeral plus getting to know his family... But I just did whatever I could to be helpful/supportive.

There really is no right thing to do. Maybe a card or something for the family. You could also be honest with you BF about how you are feeling.... I.e. we're newly dating, I haven't been through this, this is incredibly impactful

[Anonymous]

On you.... I feel a bit uncertain about my role in all of this but I am here for you if you need me, but also understand if you need space. Etc, etc. I am sure he feels awkward as well.

[Anonymous]

I've been with my DH for 20+ years. My MIL passed away recently and I still didn't (don't) always know how to help my spouse with it. There's really no playbook for this. Just be understanding and empathetic.

[Anonymous]

Losing a parent is tough. Losing a parent you're close to is life-altering. He may not feel like himself for a couple of years. Be yourself. Be supportive. If it's only been a few weeks, house and food help is appropriate if he wants it. It took me about 2 months to crash and burn after my father died. The worst of it may still be ahead of him.

[Anonymous]

Follow his cues. Just be there for him, as you are. Listen if he wants to talk, empathize, hug - whatever he seems to need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're doing it right.

Other than possibly attend a funeral with him and deal with his family a bit, I don't think there is much for you to do. Just be there if he needs you. Let him handle it how he needs to (within reason). The ball's really in his court.

+1 I was in a similar situation at your age. Only thing I will add is to be cognizant that any needs you have in the relationship department should take a back seat.

[Anonymous]

OP here- never met his parents or anything like that. I met a cousin and sibling o his casually when we went out a few times.

I knew his dad was ill,but we didn't really talk about that, we just hung out.

One of my good friends thought he was using me as a distraction.

Only happened a few days ago they haven't had the funeral yet, as they are waiting for out of town guests to come in.
I've just been trying to be a good girlfriend taking care of the dog, getting him food, doing his laundry so he doesn't have to think about it.

I don't even know if he wants me to go.
I know it's not about me , but I'm freaked at the thought of meeting his mom for the first time at a funeral.

I just feel really bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Follow his cues. Just be there for him, as you are. Listen if he wants to talk, empathize, hug - whatever he seems to need.

This.

I was in a similar situation - dating a woman for like 2 months when her mother (not at all unexpectedly) passed. It was too soon for us to be "in love" although we were clicking pretty well. It had been much too soon for "meet the family". I just tried to be supportive and helpful. Then her cat got killed...it was a bad stretch - it can be awkward when a lot of intense emotional surrounding drama creates an accelerated intense pressure for emotional intimacy that really wouldn't be normal just a couple of months into a relationship. Just keep doing the little stuff like feeding the dog, etc.