School Angel, Home Devil
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Anonymous
| My DS is 7 years old and he does very well at school (grades and behavior). His teachers have never had any problems with him and he is often the "model student" for the day. However, once he gets home, he rolls his eyes at me, screams constantly at his brother (age 5) and slams doors. No matter what activities, treats we give him, he is never happy or grateful. He only whines and complains more. He will listen to his dad (more than he listens to me), but overall, his behavior at home is terrible. He has so much anger and I can't figure out how he is completely different at school. Do you think there is something wrong? Any suggestions would really help! |
Anonymous
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I once had a very experienced therapist tell me that if a kid can keep it together at school, there is nothing wrong with that kid. He/she knows how to regulate behavior when s/he wants to.
(I don't mean to say there is never ANYTHING wrong with a child... the therapist's point is that any kid who can behave well at school COULD behave well at home if the conditions were right. The kid is not a sociopath.) They save their worst behavior for us! |
Anonymous
| He sounds stressed. Figuring out why can be tricky. But it's VERY common for kids to behave much better at school than at home. It's actually healthy-- they know they can let loose & be loved unconditionally at home. |
Anonymous
That is totally not true, in my experience and in others I know. Often kids work very hard to keep it together at school and then fall apart once they get home. In our case, my DC had ADHD and anxiety, which was not diagnosed for many years. We didn't get great advice for a long time so unfortunately we spent many years with some very dysfunctional dynamics at home and DC spent many years feeling terrible. |
Anonymous
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I knew before I even clicked that you were going to be talking about a 6 or 7 yo. My DD was/is the same way. She is 8 now and we've seen a lot of improvement, I think mostly just from natural maturing.
One thing we did that seemed to help back then was 15 minutes of special time with mom/dad/both EVERY SINGLE NIGHT after her younger sister went to bed. It actually did wonders for her. Although I think a lot is just temperament. It takes a lot for some kids to behave so well for 7 hours a day and it just all comes bubbling out at home, which is their safe place, as it should be. |
Anonymous
Oh gosh, I have a soon to be 5 year old who has been like this for 2 years and I can't take 2-3 more years of this behavior (frequent melt downs, outbursts of anger, extreme swings of emotion, screaming over nothing, etc. etc.)... 
Dedicated one on one time does wonders, but it's NEVER enough. |
Anonymous
| This was me and stayed this way. It has nothing to do with school but the relationship and dynamic in the family. For a 6/7 yr old, I wouldn't worry especially if it is just now but if it stays like this as your child gets older, it's you. To this day, I am a well adjusted, well mannered person without a bad temper except when it comes to my parents. |