Grandparents insist on taking my kids’ first class seats

[Anonymous]

Your father is an a$$hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your father sounds awful. He wasted his money upgrading his cruise room just to outdo your husband then expects you and your husband to twist into knots making sure he has better flight seats. Yuck.

This exactly. What a peach.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your father sounds awful. He wasted his money upgrading his cruise room just to outdo your husband then expects you and your husband to twist into knots making sure he has better flight seats. Yuck.

This exactly. What a peach.

[phone]

I agree. It sucks because sometimes with family members it’s best to just take the good with the bad (though yes, sometimes distance is the right answer). It seems like OP is aware of her dads problems and is taking them in stride as best she can and I admire that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most unbelievable part of the update is that you could call the help desk, actually get help, get itineraries connected. That sounds wild. Because according to these help desks, sometimes you can't even connect that your own underage child is flying with you.

Its a whole different world for Global Services. They actually answer phones right away and help.

<3 Good job takng advantage of that!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going on a family vacation + cruise later this summer to Greek Isles. Originally booked for myself, DH, and our two kids (16 and 14). We invited my parents a few months ago and they decided to join us. Our family booked 4 first class seats IAD-ATH using FF miles on United (DH is Global Services on United and got a good deal) and my parents ended up booking 2 coach seats in cash many months later (no status). Well, yesterday my parents decided they wouldn’t go on the trip unless they flew first class and that our kids don’t need to fly first class and we should allow them to switch. My dad even offered to give each of my kids $50 to move from first to coach so that they could have lie flat seating transatlantic.

DH is super annoyed. My parents are being real jerks about this and how kids don’t need first class and my dad’s back aches so he totally needs first class. What do I do?

Do what you want but I can’t believe you would put your parents in coach and have your children sit in first class. I’m not sure that sounds great message to your kids.

I've thought about some more, and the obvious solution is that the OP and the OP's spouse should sit in coach.

The kids should sit in first class to have an adventure, and the OP's parents should sit in first class for health reasons.

The OP and the OP's spouse should scrounge up another chance to take a first class flight in the future but let the kids and grandparents bond in first class luxury this time.

The "health reasons" are complete nonsense that many of you are credulously parroting. Op's parents *booked coach tickets*. If there were real, legitimate health reasons that they couldn't sit in coach, they wouldn't have done that. They would have booked first class, or told OP that they couldn't go, because they couldn't afford first class and couldn't sit in coach for health reasons. (OP would have then had a choice to make, and I'd be a lot more sympathetic to the grandparents.) But they didn't do that. They fully intended to sit in coach until they realized OP's family wasn't.

But, on the other hand: At least health issues is a vague fig leaf of a reason for the grandparents to get the good seats, and giving the grandparents the good seats, if possible, falls under the “Honor thy parents” commandment.

And I just don’t see why any normal, healthy adult without blood clotting or muscle spasm problems needs to sit in first class for a pleasure trip at all. The idea of adults who travel all the time obsessing about getting a seat that goes back all the way! and more drinks! is nuts. And maybe it’s utter bilge that the grandparents care about this nonsense, but maybe that’s a symptom of dementia, and maybe dementia alone is a reason to pamper them.

Whereas, children like baubles and toys and understandstably will have a lot of fun in first class.

And, if the parents want to teach generosity, selflessness and noblesse oblige, the best way is for them to be selfless and give up the first class seats, not to bully their children into doing so.

And, with any luck, the children feel guilty about the example the parents are setting and give up the first class seats, and the parents get to sit in first class, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Very weird take, PP above! Kids (these kids are 14 and 16) like baubles and toys so should sit in first class? Grandparents have dementia if they want to?

[Anonymous]

My grandparents had a self-sacrificing mentality. They gave all they had to provide educational and other opportunities to their children and grandchildren as we were growing up. They lived on a more limited fixed income in retirement as a result. My parents repeated this pattern, and now so am I.

As grown-ups, my cousins, siblings, and I have almost competed to see who could do the most for our grandparents and parents. We are far better off financially than the last two generations because of their sacrifice. It gives us great pleasure to provide trips and fine meals to the people who enjoyed so little of those things in our childhood.

It's really revolting to read how so many of you resent your elders and how selfish you are. Your children are watching and learning the wrong values.

[Anonymous]

Op, you should be more magnanimous. You should give up your seat to the grandparents. Let the kids and grandparents enjoy first class. You and your husband can sacrifice. Don’t be so selfish.

[Anonymous]

Unless you’re paying for all portions of grandparents travel and vacation, this sets the tone that you’ll cover more than the flights.

I’d keep it as is. Kids stay in first class. Parents ride in Coach.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand what OP means when she says her dad tries to do the right things in her final update. He sounds like a jackazz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with a final outcome!! Had a long talk with my parents.

First, when they bought their tickets, they knew we we were in business class and also figured we got a great deal like we always seem to do. They knowingly booked coach because: (1) they couldn’t afford business class and (2) they assumed that DH could just upgrade them for free because he has elite status. Truthfully, DH has previously hooked them up with first class tix to Hawaii, London, and Seattle, but they have/had no clue how challenging this can be and that there are no guarantees. They wrongly assumed it would be easy and that we’re overflowing with FF miles, so they didn’t see it as a burden.

Second, my dad – especially – doesn’t like to be outdone. He highly respects DH, but is always competing with him. When he saw that we had booked a Sky Suite + Veranda Room combo on Celebrity, he decided to take it up a notch and book a better Celebrity Suite for him and my mom. He really wants his cabin on the cruise ship to be the family gathering location. I am sure that sitting in coach while my family sits in business just rubbed him the wrong way. But he’s stuck with minimal recourse, not having a spare $10K+ to essentially maintain pace with DH.

Third, I am not comfortable having my parents sitting in coach while my kids are in business class. It would embarrass me to no end. Quite frankly, both of my kids felt it was wrong as well (DD absolutely wants business, but appreciates the rightness of offering it up to a 74 year old grandparent; DS offered it up w/o hesitation). It’s annoying that my dad tried to guilt his way into better seats at our expense, but…it is his way. He can be a competitive and controlling jerk, but I think he wants to do the right thing. I don’t have to love the behavior to still love and respect the person.

So, we’ve decided to give up two of our first class seats to my parents. We have a nice cluster of 4 in the middle of a 787 in both directions. DH was able to call the GS help desk at United and have my parents’ itinerary connected to ours. United upgraded my parents’ seats from Economy to Economy Plus at no cost since we’re basically all flying together and GS members are eligible for this. Then, DH has applied PlusPoints to my parents’ seats. It is waitlist-only, but United assures us that the upgrades will be prioritized as Global Services, so maybe we’ll get lucky. As the flight draws nearer, if the price for a paid upgrade drops, DH might go ahead and purchase upgrades to either Premium Plus or to Polaris Business. Regardless, my parents will be sitting in business. United assures me that an on-board switch of seats will not be a problem for family members (assuming no back and forth).

My parents didn’t really appreciate the complexities of FF miles and upgrades. But they highly value the upgrade from coach to business. My parents have offered to give each of our kids $500 spending money for the cruise plus to pay for all excursions for all six of us (beyond our on-board credits, anyway). DH is still covering the three hotel rooms for several days pre- / post-cruise.

Glad that you resolved things and found a solution that everyone is happy with.

But your father is a jerk, as your post acknowledges but also minimizes. Being competitive is no excuse or explanation for this behavior, a truly competitive person would not demand charity or payment from a rival.

Are your parents from another culture? The expectations in terms of caring for elders is often different which could explain why he feels entitled to your DHs money and why you minimize his demands and manipulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandparents had a self-sacrificing mentality. They gave all they had to provide educational and other opportunities to their children and grandchildren as we were growing up. They lived on a more limited fixed income in retirement as a result. My parents repeated this pattern, and now so am I.

As grown-ups, my cousins, siblings, and I have almost competed to see who could do the most for our grandparents and parents. We are far better off financially than the last two generations because of their sacrifice. It gives us great pleasure to provide trips and fine meals to the people who enjoyed so little of those things in our childhood.

It's really revolting to read how so many of you resent your elders and how selfish you are. Your children are watching and learning the wrong values.

This. I don't understand why the teens are in first class. We were raised to be respectful and deferential to grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you’re paying for all portions of grandparents travel and vacation, this sets the tone that you’ll cover more than the flights.

I’d keep it as is. Kids stay in first class. Parents ride in Coach.

That’s not happening, keep up. No one cares about your opinion anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandparents had a self-sacrificing mentality. They gave all they had to provide educational and other opportunities to their children and grandchildren as we were growing up. They lived on a more limited fixed income in retirement as a result. My parents repeated this pattern, and now so am I.

As grown-ups, my cousins, siblings, and I have almost competed to see who could do the most for our grandparents and parents. We are far better off financially than the last two generations because of their sacrifice. It gives us great pleasure to provide trips and fine meals to the people who enjoyed so little of those things in our childhood.

It's really revolting to read how so many of you resent your elders and how selfish you are. Your children are watching and learning the wrong values.

This. I don't understand why the teens are in first class. We were raised to be respectful and deferential to grandparents.

In our family, being respectful is unrelated to being deferential and adult children are not expected to be deferential to their parents beyond respect among family members.

This is an interesting thread because in my family and for my close friends, Dads demands would be considered extremely rude. I’m surprised at so many people defending him and wonder if there are cultural differences at play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t your global services husband offer to upgrade them? I was global services for many years and always used upgrades or miles for my aging parents.

Yeah, I was wondering this, too. Also, when OP said the GPS paid for the economy class tix in cash, does she mean they went to an actual airline office (so those still exist?) to book? That’s what my Silent parents would do b/c they “can never get anyone on the phone who speaks good English”