how would you handle this? uncomfortable, sad situation

[Anonymous]

So, about five months ago, a woman I don't know very well told me that her husband was dying. He was going into the hospital. I know her because of our dogs; I offered to take care of her dog while he was in the hospital.

He was in and out of the hospital for a couple of months - and we took care of the dog on and off for a couple of months. Then he went into hospice. We kept the dog. He died. We still have the dog, because now their apartment is being treated for mold (there was a leak while all the horrible health stuff was going on).

It's been about five months. My heart breaks for this woman and what she's been through. I also am tired of taking care of her dog - but I feel like a monster telling her that I can't do it anymore. She seems to be so relieved that her dog is well cared for and happy while she's going through these crises, and I don't think I have given her any indication that this is an imposition. (The imposition is that her dog isn't fully housetrained, and is very emotionally needy - so our other pets are getting less attention than usual, plus I am having to take the dog out more often than usual and clean up pee in the house way more often than usual. I am an experienced dog owner, but I haven't been able to housetrain this dog while she's been staying with us.)

My husband and I are in the process of buying a house, and we have some other things going on that will be taking up a lot of time, that I guess we could use as a hook for saying that we can't take care of the dog anymore. (My husband has been a saint while all this is going on.)

So what do I do here? Do I keep her dog, until she's ready to take the dog back, because not to do so would be ghastly? Do I tell her that we have too much going on and it's time for her to make other arrangements, and just deal with the guilt?

[Anonymous]

You've gone above and beyond for this woman. Gently tell her that you cannot take care of her dog anymore and you'll be returing him on x date. Do not feel any guilt, you've done her a wonderful service by taking care of her responsibility while she's dealt with her husband's death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've gone above and beyond for this woman. Gently tell her that you cannot take care of her dog anymore and you'll be returing him on x date. Do not feel any guilt, you've done her a wonderful service by taking care of her responsibility while she's dealt with her husband's death.

Agree with this. You've done so much for this woman, truly above and beyond what most anyone would do. It's ok to send the dog back now.

[Anonymous]

I think you already know that the dog is yours now, OP.

If you absolutely will not keep the dog, then go to the woman and ask her if she wants the dog back or if she wants you to rehome it.

[Anonymous]

Give her the dog back or rehome it.

[Anonymous]

Ask the woman when her plan is to take the dog back, Tell her you will work with her and what works but because you are moving you need to have a date in mind.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you've done enough.

Are you crating the dog? If a dog has pee problems, I'd treat it like a puppy - eyes on the dog ALL the time or, he's outside or, he's crated. No opportunity to pee in the house.

[Anonymous]

OP again - I sent an email explaining that we are going into a really hectic time, and asking when the dog can come home, or if we can talk about other arrangements if it won't be in the next week or so.

The apartment is still being fixed from mold; she's in a place where she can't have dogs in the meantime. I don't know when the apartment will be done. I guess if she could just tell me that, then I could live with taking care of the dog that amount of time.

Thanks for your advice. I feel awful, and also hope that we can find some way for this to be ok.

[Anonymous]

Five months is above and beyond the call of duty, OP. It's inconsiderate of the dogs owner, really.