how to expain to my 8 year old DD that great grandma will not be with us for much longer

[Anonymous]

She is in her late 80s or early 90s. I am not sure. Today my mom told me that she is in the last strange of Alzheimers. We go visit my grandma at the nursing home. She knows that she is sick that why she is living at that home, and why she can't remember anything about her. My mom thinks she will pass away this year, so what is the best way to tell my DD that?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't tell her too soon. Usually dementia patients stop eating and die within 2 weeks. I'd tell her then. But in the meantime I wouldn't sugarcoat it or act like she may "get better."

[Anonymous]

We went through this last year, twice, with close family members. Kids were 5 and 10.

We told them a couple of weeks before the actual deaths, when it became clear that there was no hope of recovery and we were making plans to travel there and deal with the aftermath.

Since we are scientists/doctors, we explained the illnesses and why these people would shortly pass away, and how their pain was alleviated.

I don't advise you to explain this far in advance. A lot can happen in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

If you visit often, I would tell her sooner rather than later. Make sure she knows that she can ask you any questions she has, but ask her if there are any small things she would like to do with great-grandma before she passes? Some ideas might be a picture with 4 generations, a picture of just the two of them with face paint or some sort of costume piece, maybe read her something your daughter wrote. Let her build memories.

If you don't visit often, you can hold off on telling her, because it won't serve a purpose.

[Anonymous]

It will depend on the child, but you may want to let your DD know that this is her chance to give her GGM a hug goodbye.

I sat at my grandfather's deathbed, and although older, a nurse told me that it was my chance to thank him and tell him how much I loved him. So I did that, and though heavily sedated at the time, he tried to answer me and he squeezed my hand. So when he did pass, he knew how much we loved him.

I know its different with Alzheimers. But maybe knowing how loved you are can get through if there is even a moment of clarity left.

[Anonymous]

You can let her know that great-grandma is very old, and that her body won't last much longer. Talk about how bodies wear out due to age, death.

[Anonymous]

This is so on time for our family -- Grandmothef on hospice, 5 and 8 year old girls. We call and say prayers with her every night. I really appreciate the bodies wearing out analogy. when they ask, I'm going to go with that one