One child in FCPS and one child in private?

[Anonymous]

We have two daughters--one in K and one who will be entering K this fall. Our current K is struggling tremendously and likely has learning disabilities but is borderline and no one quite knows what she has yet despite extensive testing. She is also extremely socially anxious and doesn't do well wiht the large class size. So FCPS has not been working in her favor this year and she has been lost in the shuffle.
My DH works for a private school that has offered us some financial aid for both DDs. However, we cannot afford to send both of them to the private school despite this FA. I would very much like us to send the DD who likely has learning disabilities and social anxiety to the private school so that she can get the more individualized attention and benefit from the much smaller class sizes. Plus, because our younger DD has absolutely no learning issues whatsoever or social anxiety, I think separating them could benefit them to minimize sibling rivalry. DH is very hesitant about splitting the girls up for both logistical reasons, the private vs. public stereotype (which i dont get) and he thinks they'll stop being as close as they are. The girls are best of friends but they're also normal siblings and pretty competitive. It doesn't help that the younger DD is kicking at the heels and about to read whereas the older DD still has trouble with letter sounds.

Can anyone who has experience with this talk to me about the benefits of going way or the other on this?

[Anonymous]

This is a very complicated issue that probably can't be discussed on this board effectively. It might be best to work with a trusted educational psychologist that might be able to provide more insights as the best learning environment....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a very complicated issue that probably can't be discussed on this board effectively. It might be best to work with a trusted educational psychologist that might be able to provide more insights as the best learning environment....

Educational psychologists all agree she would do better in a small private school because she appears to thrive in smaller group settings. Also, i need to stress that her learning disabilities aren't acute but there is something there and no one quite knows what it is. We have had her tested extensively and the advice has been "she might outgrow this" or "whatever issue she has will probably be easier to discern as she gets older".

My question more has to do with splitting the girls up.

[Anonymous]

I would not do this. At some point this will cause a rift in your kids. All kids can benefit from a smaller environment. Actually I would think public school is better for kids with LD

[Anonymous]

We have three kids in three schools. Two are twins. Next year one will be in public. They are at the school next for them. Don't overthink this. It is fine and the sibling relationship can be better if they are both thriving. Because your kids are young this may seem like two different worlds but you will fine that there are lots of families with kids at different schools for a whole variety of reasons. You just need to figure out logistics but all things are possible. GL.

[Anonymous]

PP here -- Mean to say "school right for them" and "you will find"

[Anonymous]

I would send both to the private school to avoid further sibling issues down the road. By not being able to afford, what do you mean? Are you barely by as it it is or can you take less to no vacations in order to afford the school? Is there potential to earn more in the future? I would put both of the girls in the private school. We have twins as well and moved to a smaller house in order to afford private. all children benefit from small class size and 24-36 kids to one teacher is just criminal.

[Anonymous]

We have one child in private and one child in public, for just the reasons you mention. It's a PITA logistically for me, but there's no jealousy on the part of the kids. We frequently talk about how each child goes to the school that is right for them. If anything, my private school kid is jealous of my public school kid's neighborhood friends.

Fair does not mean equal. Not in schools and not in anything else. That's an important concept for kids to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would send both to the private school to avoid further sibling issues down the road. By not being able to afford, what do you mean? Are you barely by as it it is or can you take less to no vacations in order to afford the school? Is there potential to earn more in the future? I would put both of the girls in the private school. We have twins as well and moved to a smaller house in order to afford private. all children benefit from small class size and 24-36 kids to one teacher is just criminal.

+1 move both to private.

[Anonymous]

OP here--there is no way we can afford both in private. We can barely afford putting one in private and would cut everything necessary just to do that.

[Anonymous]

We are in a similar situation and it's been working out just fine. Just a PITA logistaiy but kids love their respective schools. We will reevaluate year by year but so far so good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--there is no way we can afford both in private. We can barely afford putting one in private and would cut everything necessary just to do that.

Then don't do it. Its a terrible strain if the place doesn't seem to be fixing what you need help with. You can come to resent it and then want to move the child another time. Multiple moves can be stressful in themselves.

I would keep the kids at the same school - they will see each other around and that kind of sibling support is worth a lot.

For what its worth, I had two kids in different schools (one private, one public) and it didn't work for us at all. Financially, logistically, and academically. The public school eduction was so much better than the one we were paying a fortune for and the public teachers so much more amenable and easy to communicate with.

We swapped our private kid out to the same public as the sibling and they are both very happy and doing well. There is a lot to be said for familial support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one child in private and one child in public, for just the reasons you mention. It's a PITA logistically for me, but there's no jealousy on the part of the kids. We frequently talk about how each child goes to the school that is right for them. If anything, my private school kid is jealous of my public school kid's neighborhood friends.

Fair does not mean equal. Not in schools and not in anything else. That's an important concept for kids to understand.

+1 for the benefits of neighborhood friends.

We have ours in public and private. I imagine you'll move private DD to public at some point which is our plan, so it's not forever.

They won't be at the same public school every single year even if they're both public since they're in different grades.

I'd say move DD to private now before she falls further behind. You can always switch back to public.

[Anonymous]

We have one in public - AAP & then TJ. And the other in private. Worked out great. No competition between the kids. Each is happy with where they are. Younger DC did not want to be at the same school as older DC, following in the footsteps. Older DC decided TJ early on and has not looked back or regretted it. And they both had vastly different experiences in the same elementary school that made it clear that FCPS was supporting one DC and not the other. We joke that the second grade teacher of the younger DC cost us $350,000 -- she was so bad she ended up fired ... So what you should do is what is best for each child. They do NOT need to be together. They do NOT need to feel bad being at other schools. In HS it actually will expand their group of friends.

[Anonymous]

Having them at different schools is fine. I was one year behind my sister at the same school and outperformed her academically. Fostered issues that still exist as adults. Their relationship is neither insured nor doomed by the school set-up. The parents' management of and attitudes towards the differences is hugely important.