Sending a Mother's Day card?
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Anonymous
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Hello all. My dear friend has been struggling with infertility for about 5 years now. We are very close but she doesn't share many specifics about their journey...but I know this year has been tough for her. I imagine Mother's Day is going to be a difficult day for her.
Should I send her a Mother's Day card...meaning, a card around Mother's Day letting me know I'm thinking of her? I'm pretty sure hallmark even makes "mothers at heart" cards or something. We send cards to each other pretty regularly anyway so that part wouldn't be odd. Just wondering how it would be received...and what I should say! |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't do it. However well meant, it would feel like a punch in the gut to me. I would try to do something nice for her WITHOUT mentioning Mothers Day. |
Anonymous
| I would not send her a Mother's Day card. A "thinking about you" card, maybe, but definitely not MD. |
Anonymous
| Nah I wouldn't do it. The best thing in this situation is to not bring it up at all. |
Anonymous
| Yikes, no. |
Anonymous
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As someone who has miscarried, it would break my heart to receive a mother's day card.
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Anonymous
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You've heard this enough times now, but absolutely no.
You could send her a funny/thinking of you card in the weeks before and after, if you think the holiday will be hard for her. But don't tie it to Mother's Day at all. |
Anonymous
+1000 |
Anonymous
| No no no |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
+2 I can't even imagine how I would have felt receiving a Mother's Day card, or even a "Mother at heart" type of card. No. No matter how "well-meaning" you may be. I like the idea of something humorous/thinking of you, in the weeks around Mother's Day. I had a friend do something similar two years ago, when we had a failed cycle just before Mother's Day. |
Anonymous
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Thanks, all.
She said that she appreciates the messages and cards as it helps her to not feel so alone. But I won't do the MD card. Any other advice on what to say? She's such a fantastic, beautiful woman. She wishes only the best and loves everyone fiercely. For her to be going through infertility is heartbreaking. 
Any other advice is helpful! |
Anonymous
It's heartbreaking for all of us. I don't know what you want us to say, but it's not that complicated: be kind, listen, ask HER what will help. Sounds like that's what you're doing. Just maybe keep in mind she doesn't need reminders of what she's going through. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I know it's heartbreaking for everyone. I'm sorry if that came off as insensitive.
I struggle with how I can be there for her and supportive without reminding her of anything. |
Anonymous
Go out to brunch, or lunch, or grab a coffee, or for pedicures, or whatever you both might do together. And, unless she asks or brings it up, don't talk about kids or treatment plans. Just be there. Catch up on things in life that don't revolve around children or IF treatments. Sometimes it was nice to get out with a friend without any reminders of what I didn't have, or what I was going through to get there. |