How do I explain psychiatric hospitalization of a friend?

[Anonymous]

My 9 year old DS who has ADHD and anxiety and worries that he may have to go to "a mental hospital" sometime. (His words, fueled by a not so nice peer.) DS is treated with meds, but he is not in therapy anymore. Anyways, a good friend of his has been hospitalized foe psychiatric treatment. Do I tell him? If so, how do I describe it in a way that does not feed his anxiety? Do I get him back into therapy to help him with this?

[Anonymous]

I don't have experience with this but it strikes me that you should emphasize the word 'hospital' and eliminate the word 'mental' with your child.

Remind him that people go to the hospital when they are sick. He doesn't really need to know why his friend is in the hospital - just that it is the best place for him to get better and that he can see him as soon as he is released. Maybe have him send his friend emails/cards.

[Anonymous]

First off, has he asked about this friend? Is this someone he used to see regularly? If not, I wouldn't mention it unless he brings it up.

You may want to talk to an actual therapist since your kid is having these recurrent thoughts.

[Anonymous]

No you shouldn't tell him.

[Anonymous]

OP, here. He usually sees him every weekend. However, he may not notice his absence for a few weeks. I could go the "do not bring it up" route until we get an appointment with his former therapist. I would not say that he has recurrent fears of hospitalization himself, but he has asked me about it a few times. What it is, why someone would need to go, if I think he would ever need to go, etc. I think it was spurred on by a kid at school joked who with him that he needs to "go to a mental hospital" when he was being overly active. Kids, huh?

[Anonymous]

No need to tell him. What would be the point. You can even say he isn't feeling well.

[Anonymous]

9 years old is way too young to properly process and understand this OP.

Lie if you have to, but don't try to explain it to him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. He usually sees him every weekend. However, he may not notice his absence for a few weeks. I could go the "do not bring it up" route until we get an appointment with his former therapist. I would not say that he has recurrent fears of hospitalization himself, but he has asked me about it a few times. What it is, why someone would need to go, if I think he would ever need to go, etc. I think it was spurred on by a kid at school joked who with him that he needs to "go to a mental hospital" when he was being overly active. Kids, huh?

Psychiatric hospitalizations are usually a few days, not a few weeks. He will likely be home to play with next weekend.

I think you need to think about the other kid's privacy. If your kid is likely to talk or ask questions at school, then I wouldn't tell.

[Anonymous]

Personally, with my kids I feel its important to be honest and straight forward. I might not lead with telling him, but if he notices the absence of his friend I might say he went to a hospital then let your child drive the questions. In other situations I've notice that you don't often have to tell the full story, but if you let them lead you its easier to answer their questions without necessarily having to reveal or discuss the entire situation. I would also talk about how he can help, lend support and be caring toward his friend and I would offer that hospitals are places to help people, make it a positive rather than a negative.

[Anonymous]

I'm a big believer in answering questions as honestly as possible, but the fact this is something your child already has anxiety about makes it tricky. I probably wouldn't say anything until the child asked, and then explain the friend was sick and had to go away until he felt better. Then let his questions drive the conversation.

I'd also want to work on helping him understand that mental hospitals aren't horrible scary places.

[Anonymous]

It's much more important to preserve that other child's privacy, how would you feel if the situation was reversed? It's not about being honest with your child, it's about the other kid's right to privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's much more important to preserve that other child's privacy, how would you feel if the situation was reversed? It's not about being honest with your child, it's about the other kid's right to privacy.

But they already know that he is in a hospital? So the information is public to friends at this point. They aren't spreading gossip they are helping to manage a friends anxiety with a real life experience underway.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I talked to the mom about how they were going to present it to our community. She said that they were going to say he was getting help for his emotions. I decided that if my son asks about him, that is what I would say, and I would avoid the word hospital. I will focus on saying therapy, which to DS is good. We also have an appointment with his therapist this week. So far he has not noticed his friend's absence.