How involved are you in your kid's college decision?

[Anonymous]

DD has several college acceptances to choose from. My husband and I have our own ideas about the pros and cons of each, and we are wondering how much we should help guide the decision...and how much we should keep our mouth shut. We are paying for it all -- no loans. Not sure how much that part matters.

Just curious how involved other parents are....

[Anonymous]

In the same boat-would love to hear how others are navigating.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on what your concerns are. If they are financial, and you are paying, I think you are entitled to weigh in. If you have concerns that a school is too much of a safety (test scores/GPA far below that of your DC), I'd weigh in on that, too. If you think your DC has an inaccurate view of a school, I'd discuss that. I would try very hard, though, not to put forth opinions that ultimately came down to where *I* would want to go to school or where *I* would like my kid to go.

We were VERY involved in DS's decisions about where to apply, but have left the decision about where to attend mostly up to him. We did rule out one school as unaffordable.

[Anonymous]

We had a lot of input wrt making the original list, so every school on it was one all three of us (DD, DH & I) thought would be a great choice. At which point, choice was DD's.

Tough decision re which school to (SC)EA, but by the time she'd made it, she was pretty convinced her choice was the right one. Got in EA, spent another few days thinking about it and collecting more info. Told us she was as sure as she'd ever be and wanted to commit. We let her (although in her position each of us might have applied to a couple other schools and continued weighing options if they came through). But her take was BTDT and she didn't see what more she'd know or weigh differently in a few months. Fair enough. We did lay out all the "cons" and she had well-reasoned explanations re why they weren't voting issues for her.

[Anonymous]

We worked with him to create the list, and budget was a driving factor. We visited all the schools and DC was accepted everywhere. Any school that is in budget is an option. We gave him our input but emphasized it is up to him. He chose one and we think it is a great choice.

He owns the choice and whatever follows from it. We will never hear, "it's your fault!" Or "you made me go there!"

No loans here, either.

[Anonymous]

We own the money, and whether we are willing to pay for private will depend on a lot of factors.

[Anonymous]

We are very much in alignment with our DC - with the initial list and with the final choice from 4 great options. In all honesty, we would have been thrilled with any of them, but ultimately, DC chose the one we loved the best. Good luck to you and your DC!

[Anonymous]

Both my older kids have already graduated but we controlled their educational trust (thanks Grandpa!) so we ultimately had veto power. We wanted both kids to go places where they'd be successful, and happy.

I wanted to hear all their reasons for things, because they thought of things i didn't. Like, I wanted my son to consider Cornell, but he said too many people commit suicide there, and although he didn't talk about it, he felt like he fights depression and thought it might be harder there. This is a good thing to know. My DD was considering UCLA and we thought she'd LOVE CA, and love one of their extra curriculars, but then she pointed out how huge the campus was and that she wanted something "a little more huggy, and little less lost at the outlet mall the day after Thanksgiving."

Both kids wound up at schools on the West Coast and we made them calculate the costs of flying back and forth for four years, just so they recognized it as a cost.

[Anonymous]

We had to tell our DC all the schools they could not apply to because of cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We own the money, and whether we are willing to pay for private will depend on a lot of factors.

So were there issues that couldn't be worked out at the application stage -- e.g. privates that are on the lists as safeties but that you wouldn't be willing to pay for if DC got into an (or a particular) in-state public? I ask because I felt like everything on our kid's list made the "we're willing to pay for it cut." If there'd have been a dispute re worth in DD's decision it probably would have gone the other way -- her preferring a cheaper public option and DH questioning the long-term wisdom of such a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We own the money, and whether we are willing to pay for private will depend on a lot of factors.

So were there issues that couldn't be worked out at the application stage -- e.g. privates that are on the lists as safeties but that you wouldn't be willing to pay for if DC got into an (or a particular) in-state public? I ask because I felt like everything on our kid's list made the "we're willing to pay for it cut." If there'd have been a dispute re worth in DD's decision it probably would have gone the other way -- her preferring a cheaper public option and DH questioning the long-term wisdom of such a choice.

+1

Our list included publics and OOS privates that give merit aid. We made it clear to DC that we could not swing the latter without a certain level of merit aid that would bring the schools within budget. He was awarded merit aid at all of the privates (and one OOS public), and so was able to choose the one he wanted.

We didn't have any colleges on the list that we couldn't afford in any instance (i.e. privates that don't give merit aid).

[Anonymous]

This thread is interesting to me as a parent of a junior because we are trying to get some of these things ironed out up front but I'm seeing that it can't always be as clear as you might want it to be. For instance my DD is planning to apply to a group of public schools where we think she will be eligible for merit money. These are somewhat a tier down from where she could get in, think Denison or Dickinson for example. She is also applying to places where she might get in but they have no merit or she may not get it - Bates, Kenyon, Georgetown. I guess I could see a scenario where she gets into Georgetown and also Dickinson but doesn't get much or any merit for Dickinson. We can make it work with no merit but it would be tighter (no loans though) but I honestly might try to sway her to take the Georgetown offer in that scenario because she will have more opportunities coming out of a school like that - and it will end up costing us the same. Is anyone going through that? In the end I would never force her to do something she doesn't want but I might try to make a strong case if I am investing a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting to me as a parent of a junior because we are trying to get some of these things ironed out up front but I'm seeing that it can't always be as clear as you might want it to be. For instance my DD is planning to apply to a group of public schools where we think she will be eligible for merit money. These are somewhat a tier down from where she could get in, think Denison or Dickinson for example. She is also applying to places where she might get in but they have no merit or she may not get it - Bates, Kenyon, Georgetown. I guess I could see a scenario where she gets into Georgetown and also Dickinson but doesn't get much or any merit for Dickinson. We can make it work with no merit but it would be tighter (no loans though) but I honestly might try to sway her to take the Georgetown offer in that scenario because she will have more opportunities coming out of a school like that - and it will end up costing us the same. Is anyone going through that? In the end I would never force her to do something she doesn't want but I might try to make a strong case if I am investing a lot of money.

Meant to say "private" here.

[Anonymous]

Somewhat...as DC is weighing choices, we are also weighing cost/benefit among the schools and will pipe in with our thoughts. Also, choice seems to be swaying in the wind dependent on peer comments so we are trying to keep the process objective and focused on DC's priorities. Choice is a great problem to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting to me as a parent of a junior because we are trying to get some of these things ironed out up front but I'm seeing that it can't always be as clear as you might want it to be. For instance my DD is planning to apply to a group of public schools where we think she will be eligible for merit money. These are somewhat a tier down from where she could get in, think Denison or Dickinson for example. She is also applying to places where she might get in but they have no merit or she may not get it - Bates, Kenyon, Georgetown. I guess I could see a scenario where she gets into Georgetown and also Dickinson but doesn't get much or any merit for Dickinson. We can make it work with no merit but it would be tighter (no loans though) but I honestly might try to sway her to take the Georgetown offer in that scenario because she will have more opportunities coming out of a school like that - and it will end up costing us the same. Is anyone going through that? In the end I would never force her to do something she doesn't want but I might try to make a strong case if I am investing a lot of money.

I don't follow you. Denison and Dickinson give merit aid. Kenyon does too (not much, but it does).

Georgetown and Bates give zero merit aid.

I disagree that a name-brand school afford more opportunities than e.g. Denison or College of Wooster, but I guess you and others disagree, and are therefore willing to pony up so much money for that name.