My son talks about killing himself

[Anonymous]

Says his life sucks. I really don't know what to do. We have him in therapy, but he says it doesn't do any good. He actually has a great life in many ways. Nice home, good friends, decent parents - though his dad is gone a lot, he is struggling a bit in school on the academic side, and is skinny for his age, which may be an issue for him with respect to athletics, but he plays on several teams and is decent athlete. He refuses to talk to a psychiatrist or consider medication. No drug or alcohol use. Not interested in girls yet (13). He says he feels this way every day.

[Anonymous]

That's tough, OP. Does he say this to his Dad, too? Can you ask his teachers how he seems to be getting on? Could it be a phase? Can he think of anything that would make his life better (moving school, for example)? I think you may have to encourage him more to talk to a doctor (or say that you will).

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell his therapist and get advice immediately.

[Anonymous]

You have to get him to a psychiatrist. You really do. Do whatever it takes. Take away all privileges and activities. You are the parent of a 13 year old -- it's not like he can drive himself away.

Mental illness has nothing to do with how "good" someone's life is or what real-world problems people have. It's biochemical -- it's an illness and it needs to be treated like an illness. You need to get him to a doctor, just as you would if he had cancer.

[Anonymous]

New therapist.

[Anonymous]

OP - This is a wake up call for Dad to make time to be more involved as a parent - not putting down your effort, but DS needs to see time from Dad, too. Could Dad make a real effort at being involved with at least one of DS's sports teams weekly - helping to coach, going and really showing interest in the game, and maybe making it a special outing of a snack afterward or whatever. And you and Dad need to share your observations with the therapist first, soon, and see what the plan is from that end.

[Anonymous]

The next time he says this take it seriously and take him to the ER. I know it's not what you or he would want but he is too depressed to accept the help he needs and if you don't do something radical you may regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to get him to a psychiatrist. You really do. Do whatever it takes. Take away all privileges and activities. You are the parent of a 13 year old -- it's not like he can drive himself away.

Mental illness has nothing to do with how "good" someone's life is or what real-world problems people have. It's biochemical -- it's an illness and it needs to be treated like an illness. You need to get him to a doctor, just as you would if he had cancer.

This, seriously. I've struggled with depression and it has pretty much nothing to do with how good my life is at any given moment. Depression lies, it tells you things are awful when they're not, that people don't love you when they do, that nothing will ever get better when it will. OP, you sound like you're looking for logical reasons for your son's depression and it just doesn't work like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to get him to a psychiatrist. You really do. Do whatever it takes. Take away all privileges and activities. You are the parent of a 13 year old -- it's not like he can drive himself away.

Mental illness has nothing to do with how "good" someone's life is or what real-world problems people have. It's biochemical -- it's an illness and it needs to be treated like an illness. You need to get him to a doctor, just as you would if he had cancer.

This, seriously. I've struggled with depression and it has pretty much nothing to do with how good my life is at any given moment. Depression lies, it tells you things are awful when they're not, that people don't love you when they do, that nothing will ever get better when it will. OP, you sound like you're looking for logical reasons for your son's depression and it just doesn't work like that.

Yes. Get him on medication. If my parents hadn't done that for me, I might not be here today.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely tell his therapist and get him to a psychiatrist. Do NOT punish him by taking away electronics, etc. - that is absolutely ridiculous. You might as well take away his puppy because he has the flu - he isn't being willful, he is depressed and needs HELP. If he is telling you that he is suicidal then he has been feeling this way for a long time and adolescent boys have very little pre-frontal cortex to rely on to keep them safe.

OP, listen. My nephew killed himself recently. He wrote in his suicide note that he knows that his parents will be better off without him. His parents were the most loving, concerned people you have ever met, this has absolutely NOTHING to do with logic, it's all about emotion. Get him help. Now, today. It's urgent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to get him to a psychiatrist. You really do. Do whatever it takes. Take away all privileges and activities. You are the parent of a 13 year old -- it's not like he can drive himself away.

Mental illness has nothing to do with how "good" someone's life is or what real-world problems people have. It's biochemical -- it's an illness and it needs to be treated like an illness. You need to get him to a doctor, just as you would if he had cancer.

So you would take away privileges and activities for a child that has cancer?? Why should she punish him at all??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely tell his therapist and get him to a psychiatrist. Do NOT punish him by taking away electronics, etc. - that is absolutely ridiculous. You might as well take away his puppy because he has the flu - he isn't being willful, he is depressed and needs HELP. If he is telling you that he is suicidal then he has been feeling this way for a long time and adolescent boys have very little pre-frontal cortex to rely on to keep them safe.

OP, listen. My nephew killed himself recently. He wrote in his suicide note that he knows that his parents will be better off without him. His parents were the most loving, concerned people you have ever met, this has absolutely NOTHING to do with logic, it's all about emotion. Get him help. Now, today. It's urgent.

Oh my. OP here. I am so sorry about your nephew. I have a nephew with addiction issues and mental health issues and we worry about suicide or overdose all the time. This is good advice. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to get him to a psychiatrist. You really do. Do whatever it takes. Take away all privileges and activities. You are the parent of a 13 year old -- it's not like he can drive himself away.

Mental illness has nothing to do with how "good" someone's life is or what real-world problems people have. It's biochemical -- it's an illness and it needs to be treated like an illness. You need to get him to a doctor, just as you would if he had cancer.

So you would take away privileges and activities for a child that has cancer?? Why should she punish him at all??

I think she meant take away the privileges until he will go to see the psychiatrist, when they are teens it's hard to "make" them do something. So I understand what this poster was saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP - This is a wake up call for Dad to make time to be more involved as a parent - not putting down your effort, but DS needs to see time from Dad, too. Could Dad make a real effort at being involved with at least one of DS's sports teams weekly - helping to coach, going and really showing interest in the game, and maybe making it a special outing of a snack afterward or whatever. And you and Dad need to share your observations with the therapist first, soon, and see what the plan is from that end.

Mental illness is not caused by working parents, and is not cured by snacks after sporting events. OP's son needs to see his pediatrician today. He needs to see a psychiatrist asap, and in the meantime needs his therapist to conduct a safety evaluation to determine whether it is safe for his parents to keep him at home with round the clock supervision or whether he needs in patient or intensive outpatient help.

[Anonymous]

My DD went through a phase like this. Turned out she was working through some very personal issues; she refused to talk to the therapist about it, but has sorted things out.