Going from FWB to BF/GF?

[Anonymous]

This is going to be long, so I apologize in advance.

I have been friends with this guy, well call him " Sam", since my first year of college 14 years ago. We grew up in the same town, went to the same schools, but ran in different circles. I actually had a crush on his older brother. We ended up going to college out of state and that's where our friendship started.

We've never dated, but have had periods where we are fwbs. He actually lost his virginity to me. We are currently in a period of being fwbs. He's recently expressed interest in moving beyond fwbs to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

I've honestly never seen him in that light. He's a very nice and very sweet guy who has been a great friend to me over the years, but he's very far from my usual type.

I'm attracted to men who are like me: outgoing, driven ,highly educated, and adventurous. He's shy, has a decent job, but he's not trying to move up the ladder, he has a BA, and his idea of adventure is checking out a new bookstore or coffee shop.

He's also physically not really my type. He's paler than I usually go for and he is slightly chubby. His hair and clothing are a mess. I feel mean thinking this way because it seems so shallow, and I know he's spent his whole life being compared to his older siblings and being the black sheep.

I'm normally a believer in not forcing things to happen. I don't want to hurt his feeling, and I don't want to ruin an otherwise great friendship.

However, its never worked out with my type . Maybe it's worth a try with him?

[Anonymous]

If you're not at all attracted to him, then why is he your FWB? How can you handle sleeping with him without any attraction?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't if I were you. If the relationship fails then he'll have a difficult time going back to being your friend again.
You may need to date outside of your usual 'type', but that doesn't mean you need to date someone you aren't attracted to.
The other pertinent thing- how is the sex? Is it good despite how you see him physically? Or is he truly someone to just scratch the itch with? My guess is the sex isn't that fantastic or you wouldn't even be torn about this but I could be wrong.

[Anonymous]

He's very good in bed.
I like him enough, but he's not my typical type that I'm insanely attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could spend more time together and see if you start feeling more boyfriend-y toward him? I think insane attraction fades, especially as people age, and you might find yourself becoming more attracted in time. Have you tried fantasizing about him when he's not around? I did that when I was dating a guy who wasn't my usual type, and it actually worked- it made me think of him as sexier than I had before.

If the sex is very good, it sounds like part of you is attracted to him.

[Anonymous]

He is in love with you. Stop having sex with him so that he can find a woman who will care about him for who he is.

[Anonymous]

I think that if you are going to feel inwardly critical of him and want him to change certain things about him (i.e., lack of professional ambition, etc.) then you shouldn't date him. It's not fair to either of you.

He deserves to be with someone who thinks he hangs the moon, BA, coffee shops and all. And you deserve to be with someone you are in love with, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that if you are going to feel inwardly critical of him and want him to change certain things about him (i.e., lack of professional ambition, etc.) then you shouldn't date him. It's not fair to either of you.

He deserves to be with someone who thinks he hangs the moon, BA, coffee shops and all. And you deserve to be with someone you are in love with, too.

^^ about himself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's very good in bed.
I like him enough, but he's not my typical type that I'm insanely attracted to.

What makes him good in bed? I can't imagine enjoying being with someone that I'm not attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I've honestly never seen him in that light. He's a very nice and very sweet guy who has been a great friend to me over the years, but he's very far from my usual type.

I'm attracted to men who are like me: outgoing, driven ,highly educated, and adventurous. He's shy, has a decent job, but he's not trying to move up the ladder, he has a BA, and his idea of adventure is checking out a new bookstore or coffee shop.

He's also physically not really my type. He's paler than I usually go for and he is slightly chubby. His hair and clothing are a mess. I feel mean thinking this way because it seems so shallow, and I know he's spent his whole life being compared to his older siblings and being the black sheep.

He's completely not "your type," yet you're...having...sex...with him?

Treat 'em like shit, boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm attracted to men who are like me: outgoing, driven ,highly educated, and adventurous. He's shy, has a decent job, but he's not trying to move up the ladder, he has a BA, and his idea of adventure is checking out a new bookstore or coffee shop.

Just another DC broad who thinks way too highly of herself. How, exactly, are you "outgoing," "driven," "highly educated" and "adventurous?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to ruin an otherwise great friendship.

YOU'RE NOT FRIENDS. YOU'RE FUCKING.

That ship sailed a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

He's a good friend. We've been friends 14 years. We have our history, and been through stuff together.
He's a very sweet guy he just doesn't excite me the way other men do and have.

As for sex . He's not my type, but it's not like I find him repulsive. He's also very considerate in bed so it's good, maybe not the most mind blowing ever, but he works hard to please.

I just know if I tell him I'm not interested in dating him it will break his heart.

Perhaps if I tell him I'm not looking for a boyfriend now, which is true, it will be kinder,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is in love with you. Stop having sex with him so that he can find a woman who will care about him for who he is.

+1

And you're never going to find someone while nailing a fuck buddy. Do both of you a favor and stop the FWB bit.

[Anonymous]

Stop sleeping with people you don't intend to have a relationship with. I know I'm old, but damn this fwb stuff is ridiculous.