what to say to a friend having trouble conceiving
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Anonymous
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My close friend that I've known almost 20 years is trying to get pregnant, but is up against some obstacles due to a thyroid condition and a few other issues. She's been going to doc appts. for various tests. She is 37 so she's also feeling a bit of a crunch in terms of her window to conceive. Since I don't live close and can't do the usual girlfriend things with her, what do you suggest beyond just saying that I care and asking how I can be supportive. I thought I'd ask on this board since some of you may have things that you wish people would have said or done.
Thanks! |
Anonymous
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Stay away from giving her advice, unless she asks for it. Just stick to some easy lines of support/sympathy.
"I'm sorry this is so hard for you" "It's not fair" "You're right, this does suck" Stay away from stories about miracle pregnancies, adoption, or that type of thing. Stay away from trying to buck her up and see the bright side (at least you have a DH! a home! a job!). Just be sympathetic and a sounding board, not an advice giver/healer. |
Anonymous
yes to all of this. |
Anonymous
+1. "I am here for you. Let me know if you want to talk or what can I do for you, I'll follow your lead." Leave it there and whatever you do, do not ask "any news? how is it going"? |
Anonymous
| "My husband's seed is particularly vigorous, and the fee for his assistance is quite reasonable..." |
Anonymous
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I disagree with the PP who said to not ask 'how's it going?' - I loved when a friend of mine actively reached out and said 'thinking of you,' or 'how are you doing?' Nothing specific, but it helped me feel she was really thinking of me. None of my other friends did that, and you know what - I felt so warm and happy whenever my one friend reached out deliberately. Obviously this will depend on your friend, but don't err on the side of she just wants privacy - assess it out a bit.
You're a really good friend! |
Anonymous
| This is all great advice - just popping by to say you are an awesome friend. |
Anonymous
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+1 on good advice.
I have friends who just bluntly ask "so are you pregnant yet?" and after a couple times laughing it off it gets old. And annoying. Keep being a good friend and saying supportive things! |
Anonymous
| I have great friends who will send a text or message to say, I don't want to pry, but know I am thinking about you. Almost always, when I see that, I want to talk and share, but I know it would be okay with them, too, if I didn't. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. If she told you, it's because she wants you to know. I have told several of my friends about my trouble TTC and I love when they ask. I would not have told them if I did not want to talk about it. |
Anonymous
| Thanks, ladies! This is all good stuff. I appreciate the feedback! |