Seeing punishments through to the end?

[Anonymous]

DS (6) was disrespectful and lost his favorite toy for a week 6 days ago. Since then, he has been great. Options for today:

1. Tell him the punishment is over, because he's done a great job.
2. "Forget" that the punishment is still in effect if he tries to play with the toy.
3. See the punishment through, and he can have the toy back after the full week.

DH wants #3. I want to do #2, but maybe I'm missing something. I feel like if DS can be so good that he makes people forget that he was on punishment, more power to him. Isn't that a lesson for the future? That there is some benefit to doing everything you're supposed to vs getting I trouble for other minor things while you're already in trouble (this is what usually happened). I'd rather not tell him explicitly the punishment is over, because then he will think we just say things and don't follow through on them. I don't know how that's different from #2, but it feels that way to me.

Any thoughts? And does your answer depend on the age and original offense? This is our oldest/only, so tell me if I'm way off here.

[Anonymous]

I'm generally a softey, and even I say #3. Follow through, and show him your words mean something. He should know that when you say something you are true to your word, for both good things and unpleasant things.

[Anonymous]

I think you should stick with number 3, but a week seems really long for a 6 year old so I would give more reasonable punishments in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stick with number 3, but a week seems really long for a 6 year old so I would give more reasonable punishments in the future.

This is a good point. Once you say it you should stick with it, but be careful about doling out week long punishments. Reserve them for major offenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stick with number 3, but a week seems really long for a 6 year old so I would give more reasonable punishments in the future.

+1

We were basically in the same situation with my six year old. One to two days is more reasonable. It was overkill, but I wanted to back up DH and we needed to see it through.

[Anonymous]

Three.

[Anonymous]

Either 1 or 3. Make an explicit end to it. But a week seems really long for a six year old.

[Anonymous]

The original punishment was too long. I would do 1, or just tell him it was too long a punishment. If punishment will be that long (I think it's too long) tell him he can try to get time off for good behavior at the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Parent of a 6 yo here.

I would do 1 or 3 (leaning to 1 -- it's good for kids to see compassion and forgiveness and to learn that they can redeem themselves!). I would NOT do 2. "Forgetting" about it seems much more like not following through than explicitly stating that you have deliberately diminished for good behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The original punishment was too long. I would do 1, or just tell him it was too long a punishment. If punishment will be that long (I think it's too long) tell him he can try to get time off for good behavior at the beginning.

+1. A week is way too long. In the future a day or 2 is plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a 6 yo here.

I would do 1 or 3 (leaning to 1 -- it's good for kids to see compassion and forgiveness and to learn that they can redeem themselves!). I would NOT do 2. "Forgetting" about it seems much more like not following through than explicitly stating that you have deliberately diminished for good behavior.

Agree. I like #1 and feel it teaches a good bonus lesson.

Side note, OP, do you think his favorite toy was contributing to bad behavior, since he's been so agreeable without it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stick with number 3, but a week seems really long for a 6 year old so I would give more reasonable punishments in the future.

This. A week punishment for a 6 year old is LONG.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PPs. Interesting that most everyone thought it was too long. DS called me stupid. That seems like a really big deal to me, and I don't want it to happen again. Usually, he will lose something for a day, but this seemed like a bigger deal. Am I too sensitive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PPs. Interesting that most everyone thought it was too long. DS called me stupid. That seems like a really big deal to me, and I don't want it to happen again. Usually, he will lose something for a day, but this seemed like a bigger deal. Am I too sensitive?

Honestly, I can see why took the stand you did. Better to hammer down on that level of disrespect. In that case, absolutely do not bend. Stick it out the week.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with pp. your son is going to call you worse things than stupid over the course of childhood and the teen years.