Conflicting family weddings question

[Anonymous]

My brother and DH's cousin are both getting married on the same weekend, 3000 miles apart. Clearly the kids and I are going to my brother's wedding. Where should DH go? He and his cousin were really close growing up but don't talk that much now. DH is happy to do whatever I ask; I want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable asking him to come to my brother's wedding.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I'd be okay with dh going to his cousin's wedding, but we're pretty used to doing the "divide and conquer". DH is military, so I'm often stuck doing things on my own. In your case I think either option makes sense.

[Anonymous]

We're also a divide and conquer family, but if you do this, you can guilt each other about it.

[Anonymous]

Another divide and conquer family here, but in this case, I'd ask my DH to go with us to my brother's wedding. Next time you and DH see the cousin and his spouse, I'd take them out to dinner to celebrate their wedding.

[Anonymous]

We've divided a few times for events (friends, cousins). But, if it was my brother I would ask DH to go with me. I mean, brother/sister trumps cousin big time in my book.

[Anonymous]

Wife's brother trumps cousin you don't see anymore. There isn't a closer family wedding than a sibling. All hands on deck.

[Anonymous]

If you are comfortable being solo with the kids and the extra cost, then he should go to his family's event.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you "in" the wedding, part of a bridal party? If so, I'd say DH should go with so he can help with kids while you tend to those matters.
Also, weddings are often an opportunity for families to take group pictures (think brother, new wife, plus your parents and your family). If you think it will bug you to see framed versions of that picture without your husband (keeping in mind not everyone goes in for that kind of thing) then that might be another reason that tips the scales in favor or DH going with you.
There is no "right" answer. Only what is "right" for your circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I think you all have to go to your brother's wedding. DH's cousin and family will be disappointed to not have him/your family there but will have to understand because it's your brother. Your family may not be so understanding if DH doesn't attend - and with good reason, I think.

[Anonymous]

Brother's wedding. You are part of the groom's family. It would be nice to have DH to manage the kids so you can be more fully involved.

How old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

Which wedding is going to have better food and drinks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife's brother trumps cousin you don't see anymore. There isn't a closer family wedding than a sibling. All hands on deck.

+1

[Anonymous]

Another military divide and conquer family.

Everyone goes to the brother's wedding, without a doubt. This is an easy answer.

Husband's family should be understanding. If they aren't so be it but everyone should go to your brother's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Yup. Sibling trumps cousin. All go to your family's wedding.

Look, I have no problem with divide and conquer in general. However, when we got married, DH and I started to consider each other's families our own. If my SIL were to get married the same day that one of my cousin's did, I would definitely want to go to that wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I'd be okay with dh going to his cousin's wedding, but we're pretty used to doing the "divide and conquer". DH is military, so I'm often stuck doing things on my own. In your case I think either option makes sense.

I'd be ok with DH going to his cousins' wedding. I'm pretty sure both my siblings could give zero fucks if my husband was in their wedding pictures given the circumstances, if he decided not to come because he would miss attending a game or something that would be a very different story.

That said there is nothing wrong with asking him to come with you..


But I would not get into the dynamic of this family member trumps this family member because 1. You'll very quickly end up alienating one side of the family most likely DH's and he'll come to resent you for that, and that not talking to that much doesn't mean not important.

2.) You shouldn't ask him to do anything you wouldn't do yourself that means down the road meaning from here on out all your childhood friends and their events are secondary.