Did your DC tell classmates where applying and SAT?

[Anonymous]

I prefer not to discuss my kids grades, scores, and colleges under consideration, just seems private to me. But my DC tells her friends. She is doing well and looking at good schools and I am concerned that it is boastful. But she says people ask her and she wants to talk with them about it. This is a large public and friends are looking at wide variety of schools. Is this type of sharing appropriate?

[Anonymous]

They are all talking about it. Parents talking to other parents can get braggy and competitive, if they are talking scores, but usually the high achievers are all friends with the other high achievers, so it's more like sharing tips.

You want her to hearing about what other kids are considering, they might know something she doesn't.

[Anonymous]

My daughter goes to a top private and people are VERY close to the vest about where they are looking and ultimately where they apply. There is a policy that nobody is supposed to ask seniors or their parents about this at all. I had no idea about this when my daughter was a freshman and I was just chatting with a mom of a senior one day and of course I asked how the college hunt was going and if she had a first choice (I didn't really care just chatting) and the mom just stopped talking and looked offended. I felt bad and really had no idea I wasn't supposed to do this. Now that my DD is a junior, I really don't care if people ask me and neither does she - in fact she tells lots of people where she's visiting. Everyone is different though so if your DD wants to talk about it I think it's fine!

[Anonymous]

I can see kids talking about where they are applying. It's a huge deal to them and pretty much consumes their senior year. And many kids will have overlapping school applications with each other, and can trade thoughts about the schools and support each other. I don't see it as boastful. Even saying you are applying to Harvard or some such. Applying to a school means you are interested in it, which seems okay to talk about with friends. But applying certainly does not mean you will get in.

Now SAT scores are a different matter. You share SAT scores with a friend, and one of you is going to end up feeling bad about yourself. And parents and kids alike in this area are way to quick to brag about their NNAT, COGAT, IQ scores, IAAT score, TJ test score, PSAT, SAT, grades etc. I find it really distasteful. I certainly tell my kids not to share grades, test scores etc. and not to ask other kids about theirs. If someone asks, you say you are pleased with how you did. Period.

The college admissions thing is just tricky. I think my kid could tell her best friend that she got into the college of her dreams. But, in general, think she shouldn't share a list of everywhere she was admitted with the whole world-- or outside of a small circle of family and close friends. Generally, you would just tell most people once you know which school you are attending.

[Anonymous]

Of course it's appropriate to discuss - it's the biggest thing going on in their lives.

[Anonymous]

It would be weird if she didn't discuss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course it's appropriate to discuss - it's the biggest thing going on in their lives.

Unless you are one of the kids who didn't perform as well and doesn't want to talk about it. Social culture doesn't respect that or forces them to lie to look good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter goes to a top private and people are VERY close to the vest about where they are looking and ultimately where they apply. There is a policy that nobody is supposed to ask seniors or their parents about this at all. I had no idea about this when my daughter was a freshman and I was just chatting with a mom of a senior one day and of course I asked how the college hunt was going and if she had a first choice (I didn't really care just chatting) and the mom just stopped talking and looked offended. I felt bad and really had no idea I wasn't supposed to do this. Now that my DD is a junior, I really don't care if people ask me and neither does she - in fact she tells lots of people where she's visiting. Everyone is different though so if your DD wants to talk about it I think it's fine!

A policy? Really?
That's pretty stick up the ass...
Agree with the PP. If you and/or your kid want to talk about it, that's fine. Most who 'play it close to the vest' are worried too much about what other people think.

[Anonymous]

My DC just told me today that they do not discuss scores and grades, but they do talk about schools to certain degree. They are aware of the fact that some kids do not have ED/EA offers yet, so they minimize the discussion of where they got in, and to how many schools. I am hopeful that come April, they can be happy/support one another and enjoy the balance of their senior year.

[Anonymous]

My experience with a senior this year has been that most kids are excited about their first acceptance and will post about it on social media, but it doesn't seem to be a big topic of discussion (although I haven't heard about anyone being offended by the topic!) My DC just paid her enrollment deposit for next year and she dusted off her Facebook page for that announcement. She doesn't seem to know where other kids applied, but she knows where a few of her friends are going next year.

As for SAT/ACT scores, I think my daughter was so shocked by her good ACT score that she tweeted about it, but it's not something she would discuss in a normal conversation.

Unless you are one of the kids who didn't perform as well and doesn't want to talk about it. Social culture doesn't respect that or forces them to lie to look good.

I don't have a high achiever and it has not been a smooth ride through high school. Still, she sees no reason to lie about her applications or acceptances. She was genuinely happy for and proud of a friend who got into Harvard while she herself was applying to Big State Us.

[Anonymous]

Op I don't think boastful is as much a problem as bad strategy. However they (almost) all do it.

[Anonymous]

My DS knew the SATs of quite a few of his friends and definitely knew most of the schools they were applying to. Heck, we ran into a high school classmate at practically every college we toured! This was at a large competitive public and the friend group were among the top students in the grade so pretty focused on the college process.

[Anonymous]

In DD school, private, the never speak about SAT scores, and as far as college acceptances, they may find out about it via snapchat, but no one goes around saying I've been accepted to this or that school. They're just trying to keep their grades up and get through senior year which has proven to be overwhelming and exhausting with the amount of work the teachers are dishing out. I really don't understand what that's all about, as this is the time that they should be relaxing and enjoying the last couple months of high school.

[Anonymous]

My DC talks about lots of things with me and close peers including colleges, scores, test grades, college visits. Sometimes my DC talks about music, movies, clothes, hair, driving, stress, my illness. I only talk about colleges and scores with close friends. This is part of their life.

[Anonymous]

At DC's private school, the norm is not to discuss test scores and acceptances with classmates. Obvious they do talk to their bffs and some students scores are well known because of national merit and presidential fellowships. But, the sharing usually comes after decisions on where to go are made.

It's partly to prevent college admission from becoming a source of competition among students. They're immensely competitive enough and it could create a culture where undermining your fellow Harvard applicants became normal. It's also a way to avoid harming their classmates' feelings. If someone brags about getting into their safety school, it could be hurtful to a student who had the school on his reach list.