Restalyne: Here's the Thing

[Anonymous]

I have given this issue a LOT of thought before posting here. And, I am going to preface this by saying that I do not think I am a completely selfish, irresponsible, superficial person.

Restalyne is expensive. We are comfortable, but far from well-off.

I brought this up once before and one of the posters said that my spending should be in line with my values. What are my values? My family, compassion for others, intellectual curiousity. and yes, beauty and fashion.

I have not gone for the Restalyne or the Botox because I don't think it is fair to kids/husband/retirement/financial planning blah blah blah.

But at what point do you just ashamedly admit that maybe this spending is in line with your values?

I mean, I am far from old and my skin is, if anything, younger-looking than my age. But it still bugs me. I have had Restalyne and Botox once -- it was like watching Moses part the Red Sea. Thechanges were immediate and dramatic and I'm not talking about just wrinkles and lines. I looked like myself, but I looked different. My mouth was no longer set in a small frown. Stuff like that.

There are times when I avoid social situations because I do not feel attractive enough. Times when I know I'm not being the best mom I could be because I am obsessing over my imperfections. Times when I spend money on -- anything from powder to shoes to feel a bit better because I can afford them so much easier than the Restalyne.

I know I have issues. You don't have to tell me that.

You know, my children always say to me when I get dressed to leave the house, "You look beautiful!" Or, "You look so pretty!" I realize they say this to me because they are reflecting back at me what I say to them all the time. Which is that they are beautiful and pretty and gorgeous.

Hearing them say this, I realized for the first time that my mother never said those things to me. Not ever, So we can analyze it all we want -- I have issues. I'm open to feedback, but really don't care to be insulted.

Thanks guys.

[Anonymous]

We should go out on a date - a Restalyne date. I already do Botox.

I look at myself and think things like, "The kids will think I always had wrinkles because they have never seen me without them." No matter how much my husband says I'm hot (which I hate, but that's another issue. How about gorgeous? Beautiful? Pretty? Sigh.), I look in the mirror and think, "Eek!" Throughout the years when I had unwrinkled skin, I was too busy being smart and serious to enjoy it or to focus on my looks or clothes. Now that I have finally given myself permission to care about my clothes and what I look like, I feel like a craggy old person.

I have been struggling with this, too. I am going to do it. Name your time and place and maybe we can meet for a pre-treatment drink. I hear it hurts like hell.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I am a psychologist, I admit, but I am not trying to drum up business. So just a question: Have you worked through the issues related to your mother never telling you how beautiful you are?

Like the PP, I spent much of my youth being smart and serious and wearing boring clothes. Now I have to work harder to stay in shape and, yes, I have some lines on my face. I also have the money to buy great clothes, I have an excellent haircut (finally), and I do stay in shape. Am I tempted to get a little help with the lines? Sure. BUT. . . the power of smoothing those lines seems almost addictive. Once you start injectibles, when will you stop? You're willing to spend the money now, but do you want to spend it forever? Or is there an arbitrary point when you'll be willing to say, this is it, now I'm okay with my face reflecting my age?

[Anonymous]

I did it. Didn't agonize it. Love it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We should go out on a date - a Restalyne date. I already do Botox.

I look at myself and think things like, "The kids will think I always had wrinkles because they have never seen me without them." No matter how much my husband says I'm hot (which I hate, but that's another issue. How about gorgeous? Beautiful? Pretty? Sigh.), I look in the mirror and think, "Eek!" Throughout the years when I had unwrinkled skin, I was too busy being smart and serious to enjoy it or to focus on my looks or clothes. Now that I have finally given myself permission to care about my clothes and what I look like, I feel like a craggy old person.

I have been struggling with this, too. I am going to do it. Name your time and place and maybe we can meet for a pre-treatment drink. I hear it hurts like hell.

Uh, see my advice to the Botox poster above. You won't feel a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I am a psychologist, I admit, but I am not trying to drum up business. So just a question: Have you worked through the issues related to your mother never telling you how beautiful you are?

Like the PP, I spent much of my youth being smart and serious and wearing boring clothes. Now I have to work harder to stay in shape and, yes, I have some lines on my face. I also have the money to buy great clothes, I have an excellent haircut (finally), and I do stay in shape. Am I tempted to get a little help with the lines? Sure. BUT. . . the power of smoothing those lines seems almost addictive. Once you start injectibles, when will you stop? You're willing to spend the money now, but do you want to spend it forever? Or is there an arbitrary point when you'll be willing to say, this is it, now I'm okay with my face reflecting my age?

Probably never worked out the issues with my mom.

It's not the wrinkles, really. I don't have that many. It's the way it fills your face just where you need it. Just where it's starting to look less full. Like the way my mouth set to a small frown. Not pretty. He set it to a small smile and I wanted to blow him right there are a thank you. He's great.

You do have to keep spending the money. Which makes it even more complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I am a psychologist, I admit, but I am not trying to drum up business. So just a question: Have you worked through the issues related to your mother never telling you how beautiful you are?

Like the PP, I spent much of my youth being smart and serious and wearing boring clothes. Now I have to work harder to stay in shape and, yes, I have some lines on my face. I also have the money to buy great clothes, I have an excellent haircut (finally), and I do stay in shape. Am I tempted to get a little help with the lines? Sure. BUT. . . the power of smoothing those lines seems almost addictive. Once you start injectibles, when will you stop? You're willing to spend the money now, but do you want to spend it forever? Or is there an arbitrary point when you'll be willing to say, this is it, now I'm okay with my face reflecting my age?

Probably never worked out the issues with my mom.

It's not the wrinkles, really. I don't have that many. It's the way it fills your face just where you need it. Just where it's starting to look less full. Like the way my mouth set to a small frown. Not pretty. He set it to a small smile and I wanted to blow him right there are a thank you. He's great.

You do have to keep spending the money. Which makes it even more complicated.

15:40 here. Okay. How about the part of your initial post in which you said you sometimes avoid social situations because you feel you might not be attractive enough? Have you delved into that a bit? Is it related to the stuff with your mother?

My concern about starting this kind of thing goes back to the question of when it ends. And to the related question of how far you're willing to go. We've mentioned that the money's not a one-time thing, but something you'd end up repeating over and over. Then, once you've filled in the places that you think need it, and your mouth is no longer set in that frown -- and believe me, I can see the attraction of this for myself! -- then what? Do you feel attractive enough to not avoid those social situations? Can you say that your feelings about your mother's lack of validation will be gone? Or is there going to be something else that seems to need fixing or seems to hold you back? You see what I mean: The slippery slope isn't just about the money.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not going to shrink you. Because in a lot of ways, I am you and have started down this path myself. Here's something to think about in terms of whether you can afford it -- what is your family's (your) spending like in terms of weekends away, vacations, dinners out, sitters, haircolor, clothes shopping and so on, the discretionary fun stuff?

[Anonymous]

I really do not think you should over-analyze these things. If you want to do it badly enough just do it. I agonized forever about having breast augmentation surgery - had major issues about my breasts even before my ex husband said he was "repulsed" by their size and droopiness (but that's a whole other thread). When I finally did it I was so happy with the results. It boosted my self confidence no end and I wish I had done it earlier instead of rationalizing over why it was unhealthy to succumb to my ex husband's criticisms blah blah blah. I have not looked back. When the time comes for botox/restalyne I'll be all over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not going to shrink you. Because in a lot of ways, I am you and have started down this path myself. Here's something to think about in terms of whether you can afford it -- what is your family's (your) spending like in terms of weekends away, vacations, dinners out, sitters, haircolor, clothes shopping and so on, the discretionary fun stuff?

OP has already considered that, I think, if you've read her previous thread on this. Her initial post here speaks of analysis and self-awareness, doesn't it? Maybe not, but I read it as rather thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not going to shrink you. Because in a lot of ways, I am you and have started down this path myself. Here's something to think about in terms of whether you can afford it -- what is your family's (your) spending like in terms of weekends away, vacations, dinners out, sitters, haircolor, clothes shopping and so on, the discretionary fun stuff?

OP has already considered that, I think, if you've read her previous thread on this. Her initial post here speaks of analysis and self-awareness, doesn't it? Maybe not, but I read it as rather thoughtful.

Oops I missed that, sorry everyone. I haven't read the other thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not going to shrink you. Because in a lot of ways, I am you and have started down this path myself. Here's something to think about in terms of whether you can afford it -- what is your family's (your) spending like in terms of weekends away, vacations, dinners out, sitters, haircolor, clothes shopping and so on, the discretionary fun stuff?

OP has already considered that, I think, if you've read her previous thread on this. Her initial post here speaks of analysis and self-awareness, doesn't it? Maybe not, but I read it as rather thoughtful.

Oops I missed that, sorry everyone. I haven't read the other thread.

I'm not bashing you, truly. The previous thread was awhile back. In both threads I have been impressed with the OP's thoughfulness and self-awareness. I'm not trying to shrink her myself; I just thought she was asking for something a little more nuanced than the basic budget issues. Sorry if I was unclear.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP.

Here's my take on our bodies. They are constantly changing, from the moment we are born to the moment we die. I'm going to leave this world in a body that's much different than the one I came into it with. I can do whatever I want to it, so long as I'm still in decent shape to take care of the people I love who love me back. For me that's not dying my gray hair, not worrying about my stretch marks, and getting another tattoo. For you, maybe that's restalyne.